AITAH for canceling my life insurance policy because my husband wont make a beneficiary on his?

In the tapestry of life, where threads of love and commitment are interwoven, financial security often serves as an unspoken yet crucial anchor. For one woman, the decision to intertwine her life with a man she’d cherished for years seemed a natural progression. She thoughtfully extended this security, ensuring that should the unexpected occur, her new husband wouldn’t face the daunting realities she had once navigated after losing her parents.

Yet, a shadow of doubt has fallen upon this carefully constructed picture, all stemming from a simple, yet profound, request regarding a life insurance beneficiary. The initial gesture of securing her husband’s future has morphed into a stark revelation, leaving her grappling with questions of partnership and preparedness.

As the implications of his steadfast refusal sink in, the comfortable rhythm of their shared life is disrupted, replaced by a disquieting imbalance that forces her to reconsider the very foundations of their financial and emotional bond. The air crackles with unspoken anxieties, a silent testament to the potential vulnerabilities that lurk beneath the surface of even the most loving unions.

‘AITAH for canceling my life insurance policy because my husband wont make a beneficiary on his?’

I (42F) have been married to my husband (46M) for a little over a year. We were together 2 years before we were married but had been friends for 5 years before we began dating. I have two adult daughters from my first marriage. Their dad and I divorced as friends and we had and STILL have a good relationship as coparents.

My husband and kids consider themselves friends rather than

They were divorced and as the legal next of kin, I had to deal with the fallout for BOTH of them, including a LOT of expense. I didn't want my daughters to have to deal with that. So if I were get hit by a bus tomorrow, my daughters will split $250k plus another $100k through my work.

When I got married again, I took out a separate $100k policy for my husband. As my, now, legal next of kin, he would be the one tasked with tying up my loose ends. I couldn't imagine my 21 year old daughter having to go through what I went through when I was in my late 30s.

The funeral home, the bank, the insurance company. And he earns less than me. It would be enough to get him settled without me. He has a $100k policy through work. After I took out my policy for him, I asked him what he needed to change me to his beneficiary..

He asked me what I meant?. His mother is his sole beneficiary and he explained that he is not going to change that. His mom is married to a plastic surgeon. They live in a $3 million dollar home on the other side of the country She hasn't visited him in 10 years.

She hates my guts because, even though her son is a blue coar worker that I out earn, she thinks I

But...his mom doesn't need that money and she surely would not step in or help me. I'd be on my own.. I asked him again last week if he had updated his beneficiary status. He hadnt. So I called Fidelity and canceled my policy for him. I also changed my POD on my bank account, 401k and employee stock to exclusively my kids.

Now he is yelling about how

Letting your partner meet your family and intertwining your finances often signifies a deepening of commitment, yet ensuring mutual financial security through life insurance is a practical extension of this bond. In this scenario, the wife’s proactive approach to securing both her children’s and her husband’s future highlights a responsible and forward-thinking mindset.

However, the husband’s reluctance to reciprocate raises significant questions about his understanding of partnership and shared responsibility. His insistence on maintaining his mother, who is financially secure and geographically distant, as his sole beneficiary, despite his wife’s similar gesture towards him, appears to prioritize familial ties over the practical needs of his spouse.

This decision can be interpreted through various lenses, potentially indicating an emotional attachment that overrides logical financial planning or, as some Reddit commenters suggest, a less invested view of the marital partnership. As Dr. Gail Saltz, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital, aptly states,

“Money issues are one of the top stressors in a marriage, and disagreements about finances can often reflect deeper, unresolved conflicts about values, control, and security.” The wife’s reaction, canceling her policy for him and redirecting her assets to her children, is a direct consequence of feeling financially exposed and unacknowledged in the partnership.

Her past experience of managing her deceased parents’ affairs underscores her desire to shield her children from similar burdens, a desire that now extends to her own security in the face of her husband’s stance. This situation underscores the importance of open and honest communication about financial expectations and planning early in a marriage.

Ultimately, the impasse highlights a potential disconnect in how each partner views their financial obligations and responsibilities within the marriage. While individual financial autonomy is important, a refusal to consider the financial well-being of one’s spouse, especially when the other partner has demonstrated a commitment to mutual security.

Can erode trust and create significant tension. Addressing these underlying issues through open dialogue or even professional financial counseling might be necessary to bridge this divide and ensure a more equitable and secure future for both individuals.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Overall, the Reddit community largely agrees that the wife’s decision to protect her children’s future by canceling the policy was justified. Many feel that, when it comes to financial planning, prioritizing family security should always come first—even if it means challenging established marital expectations.

The common sentiment is one of support for proactive steps in financial planning, with readers noting that this decision reflects a broader need for clarity and responsibility in handling family assets.

Ok-Local138 − Money makes people weird. I'm baffled, like you, why he would need to make his wealthy mother the beneficiary. As a show of love? And she's what, in her 70s? I think this situation has shown you something about your husband that's probably unpleasant (and I'm not advocating divorcing him....yet). He approaches money emotionally and not practically - which is obviously NOT how you approach it.

You're definitely NTA for cancelling his policy. In the event that something happens, he'll have to figure it out, but honestly, you sound like the type of person who's already figured it out for everybody. Your only priority is to take care of you children, he can take care of himself. Then, if you're up for it, turn your attention on how to move forward with this unpleasant revelation about your husband. It's gonna be tough tbh.

Irrasible − **NTA** - Sounds like you got his attention. But if he changes it now, would you trust him to not change it back? It doesn't sound like he sees a long-term future with you. Maybe you are just Mrs. Right-now. However, you can set up a trust. Make the trust the beneficiary. Task the trustee to take care of your final expenses. The trustee can even reimburse your husband if he takes care of things.

Apprehensive-Care20z − NTA also WTF!!! Your husband doesn't understand what life insurance is. It is there to cover your dependents. It is there so that if you cannot provide, then the insurance kicks in to help provide after your untimely death.. It is not a f**king lottery ticket. It makes ultra zero sense that your husband puts his wealthy mother as beneficiary. no sense at all. zero. wtf.

stuckinnowhereville − You need to put your assets into a trust and will specifically stating it goes to your kids. Have someone else not husband be the trustee.. This guy will s**ew your kids over if you die.

NickelPickle2018 − NTA he’s incredibly selfish. So how does he expect you pay for his final arrangements, remaining joint bills etc? He’s telling you that you’re on your own. When a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Santeeoldman − NTA. Your husband is a serious a**hole.

Ok-Nose42 − Haha nice now he one who wants your money not the other way around.

[Reddit User] − I would not want to be married to this person anymore. I hope you had a good prenup

HomelesswithoutanM − Absolutely not. Why are you an AH, but not him? Hypocrisy at its finest. Keep your stuff for your girls. If he really wanted you to be a beneficiary, he would’ve done it without you even asking. It’s not normal to put your mom down when you’re married.

Liu1845 − I'd also make a will leaving all my assets to my daughters with my ex as executor.

In conclusion, this story offers a vivid glimpse into the complexities of blending finances and personal relationships. It prompts us to question traditional expectations about spousal responsibilities and to consider the critical importance of clear, up-to-date financial planning.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Join the conversation and share your thoughts, experiences, and advice to help others navigate these delicate family and financial crossroads.

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