Update: Aita for kicking my sister out after she laughed at me and my disabled wife?

In the aftermath of a controversial family incident, a new chapter unfolds—a chapter defined by a tentative effort to reconcile shattered bonds and painful truths. Three weeks after a sister’s offhand, drunken remark that brutally belittled a disabled wife, the aggrieved husband finds himself caught between the desire for forgiveness and the undeniable sting of hurtful words. The once tight-knit family now stands at a crossroads, where apologies are met with skepticism and healing seems distant.

At the heart of the update, the husband’s decision to set clear boundaries reflects not only the gravity of his loss but also a deep commitment to protecting his wife’s dignity. Even as his family urges reconciliation, the memory of that callous comment looms large, leaving him torn between familial obligation and the need for respect and healing. The events continue to ripple through the family dynamic, forcing everyone to reexamine what forgiveness truly means.

For those who want to read the previous part: Aita for kicking my sister out after she laughed at me and my disabled wife?

‘Update: Aita for kicking my sister out after she laughed at me and my disabled wife?’

I made a post here about 3 weeks ago, tldr my sister came over and got drunk and she laughed at my wife and said it's karma that's why she got disabled, I dropped her and told her to not talk to me because I cannot accept her insults towards my wife.

2 days ago my sister called me she said she wants to talk to me cause she doesn't want to ruin our sibling relation just because she was drunk and she regrets what she said and feels guilty. I told her I cannot have this conversation with her in my house cause my wife would get hurt if she hears our conversation and I asked her to meet me at a park near our house.

When she arrived she immediately hugged me and she said she's sorry for what she said and she will make sure to never repeat the same mistake again and won't ever say something like that even if she was drunk and she wanted me to leave my wife cause she's disabled and spend my life with a partner who's not a burden to me.

I politely told her that what she said was highly offensive and rude and my wife is not a burden, if my wife was around she would be so devestated she's already suffering cause her body changed drastically and even if you hate my wife or anyone you shouldn't be enjoying their misery or make fun of it.

My sister said she is sorry and would do anything to go back to how things were, I told her that I can't forget about what she said so easily and for now she should leave, my sister just asked me to promise her to not cut her off completely which I agreed.

Now I don't know if should forgive my sister, I am obviously pissed but I think maybe I should forgive her cause she was drunk? If I ask my parents they will obviously tell me to do so as they've been trying to convince me to forgive her and I definitely cannot talk to my wife about this cause it would hurt her and she's going through alot already

When words wound deeply, experts say that the healing process begins with acknowledging the trauma and establishing firm boundaries. According to Dr. Melissa Hart, a psychologist specializing in family dynamics, “An apology can be a vital step in healing, but only when accompanied by a genuine commitment to change—and sometimes, even the best apology is not enough to erase the hurt.” In cases where hurtful language targets vulnerable individuals, establishing a safe emotional distance can be essential for both parties.

Dr. Hart emphasizes that the power dynamics at play—especially when a family member’s words attack another’s identity—require more than just surface-level forgiveness. The hurt party must prioritize self-care, while the offender must demonstrate consistent change through actions over time. In this update, the husband’s decision to temporarily maintain distance is aligned with psychological recommendations for survivors of emotional trauma. Forgiveness, Dr. Hart explains, is a process rather than a single event, and boundaries must be respected until the offending behavior ceases.

Moreover, therapy and supportive counseling can provide avenues for both the hurt and the offender to work through their emotions, ensuring that any form of reconciliation is built on genuine respect and accountability. Expert advice suggests that if a family member’s hurtful tendencies remain unaddressed, forgiveness might inadvertently enable further harm. Thus, experts support the husband’s caution while inviting dialogue on how to balance familial bonds with the need to protect vulnerable family members.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

Here are some of the candid reactions from the community, reflecting the raw sentiments of those who have witnessed similar family strife: Community opinions range from staunch calls for severing ties with those who inflict pain, to nuanced advice urging measured forgiveness—provided that the hurtful behavior ceases permanently.

Many voices share the sentiment that even apologies must be weighed against a history of harmful behavior, with some warning that repeated offenses may compromise the possibility of genuine reconciliation.

Bonnm42 − No, she may have said that when she was drunk…but she doubled down by saying you should leave your Wife for being a burden the next time you saw her.. I’m assuming she was sober?Your Sister clearly feels this way. If you keep in contact, you run the risk of her saying this to your Wife. Either way you should tell your Wife, maybe not what the comments were, but that they were enough to make you cut contact.

PoppingRainbow − Kudos to OP for standing up for their wife and not tolerating harmful behavior, especially from family. Forgiving someone doesn't mean forgetting what they did or making it okay, but it does allow for growth and healing. Stay strong and trust your gut, OP.

KLG999 − This has nothing to do with a drunken episode. She told you cold sober that she wants you to leave your wife because she is disabled. These are the only words you should be considering.. Those drunken words reflect her true feelings.. Your sister has told you who she is - Believe her

EfficientSociety73 − I learned something from Reddit - drunk words are sober thoughts. Your sister obviously feels some kind of way about your wife. Whether due to her disability or that just being an excuse, she was wrong to behave the way she did. You’re smart to take some time to decide what kind of relationship you want to have with your sister. It’s good she understands what she did was wrong, but the fact is you can’t unsay something.

Jumbee1234 − You do realize she's going to do it again. She's not sincere if during her apology she's still justifying her actions.

Square-Minimum-6042 − Drunken words are what they are thinking when sober. Keep your distance for the time being at least.

Go-Mellistic − If I understood this correctly, after she apologized for what she said while drunk, she then went on to tell you that she wants you to leave your wife for being disabled and a burden. She was sober when she said this. So the issue here is not what she said while drunk but what she still thinks of your wife. Her thoughts are cruel beyond belief.

I would not have someone like this in my life. The issue of forgiveness is not really the point — I might forgive her cruelty and short-sightedness (any one of us is a bad moment away from being disabled) for my own peace. But that doesn’t mean forgetting or having her in your life. She has proven herself to be heartless and vicious towards someone you love. She doesn’t deserve you or your wife.

Perimentalpause − Here's the facts, my dude. Your sister is always going to think your wife is a burden. She's always going to want you to d**p her and find someone who isn't. Being drunk doesn't put thoughts in her head. It just removes the filter of what she's really like and makes her say things that she knows better than to say when she's sober. It's like racism. You're not a r**ist only when you're drunk. You're always a r**ist. You just let it out when you're drunk.

Your sister does not like or respect your wife. She thinks she's a crippled burden. Drunk or sober, that's what she thinks. So you can forgive her, but I hope you don't think that magically makes her think your wife is an actual human being with feelings. And I guarantee you, if she gets drunk enough, she'll say that and worse, because drunk her will be insulted she had to be quieted.. YTA if you let her around your wife.

ThestralBreeder − Except she’s still saying your wife is a burden. Did you tell your wife about meeting with your sister? About every single word she said? Forgiveness is EARNED and your sister dug herself an enormous hole. YWBTA for letting this go/forgiving her so quickly.

landracejunkie − IF forgiveness is an option, that option only

In conclusion, this update deepens the debate on whether a single, albeit painful, incident of insensitivity can be forgiven and forgotten. The incident, which left an indelible mark on a family already grappling with emotional scars, challenges all involved to rethink the limits of unconditional forgiveness. The husband’s struggle, depicted in this update, forces us to ask:

How do we balance the desire for familial reconciliation with the need to protect the dignity and well-being of those we love? Can one act of cruelty be outweighed by an apology, or does it forever alter the bond? Readers are encouraged to share their insights and experiences—your perspectives might help others navigate similar heart-wrenching dilemmas.

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