AITAH for unintentionally getting my fiancé fired from her job?

In the early light of dawn, tension brews as the familiar sound of relentless alarms disrupts what should be a peaceful morning. A delicate balance between personal routines and shared space is shattered when one partner’s habitual snooze tactics inadvertently lead to disastrous consequences at work. The scene is set with a sense of urgency as a once-trusted routine turns into a major source of conflict, leaving emotions raw and misunderstandings in its wake.

The ripple effects of this miscommunication quickly escalate as both partners face the aftermath of actions taken without complete knowledge. While one struggles with sleep and discipline, the other grapples with the fallout of unforeseen responsibility. The clash of differing lifestyles and the lack of transparency have ignited a debate about accountability in relationships, urging readers to reflect on the importance of clear communication and mutual support.

‘AITAH for unintentionally getting my fiancé fired from her job?’

My fiancé (24F) and I (28M) have been together for five years, and since the beginning, she’s had a terrible habit of ignoring her wake-up alarms. She sets 10–15 alarms over the course of an hour every morning. I’m the complete opposite. I am a light sleeper, so once I wake up, I have a hard time falling back to sleep. This makes it exceptionally hard when there is a new alarm going off every 10 minutes or so.

I work from home, so I typically get to sleep in until 9:30. She on the other hand has to be physically at work by 8:30 and typically has alarms running from 6:00 all the way through 7:30. Over time, this has made me resentful of her sleeping habits, and I’ve often resorted to sleeping in the guest room just to get proper rest. Recently, her work schedule has switched from mostly opening shifts to almost all closing shifts.

This was a huge relief for me since I could finally sleep through the morning without interruptions, and we got to share a bed again. Last Wednesday, I was jolted awake at 6 AM for the first time in months. Since she had casually mentioned earlier in the week that she was closing every day, I assumed she had forgotten to turn off her alarms. Wanting to get a few more hours of sleep, I turned them all off and reset them to 10 AM, her usual wake-up time for closing shifts.

When 10 AM rolled around, I heard a scream from the bedroom. Turns out she was supposed to open that day. She rushed to work but was fired on the spot for leaving the store unopened for well over an hour. At first, I was shocked and felt terrible. But then I found out the real reason she had been switched to closing shifts: she had been repeatedly late for opening shifts, receiving eight warnings / strikes over a one-month period.

Her boss had given her closing shifts as a last-ditch effort to keep her employed. She never told me any of this.  Keep in mind that at this point,  I was consistently sleeping in the guest room, so by the time I got up for my job, she would already be out the house, so I had no frame of reference to tell if she was running late or not. 

Now she’s furious with me, blaming me for her getting fired, and even wants to postpone our wedding. While I understand why she’s upset, I also feel like this was entirely preventable. If she had just told me she was struggling to wake up, I could have helped. She’s been distant and n**ty towards me, and at this point, I’m over it.

She made zero effort to do better when I said that her alarms were messing with my sleep, failed to communicate effectively throughout the whole situation, and in my opinion, lied by omission about her standing at her job. As of right now I am back to sleeping in the guest room and we are hardly speaking. I have told her that until she sees her part in all of this, there’s no discussion to be had.. AITAH? 

This story highlights a critical lapse in communication that has spiraled into unintended consequences for both parties. The OP’s decision to reset the alarms without confirming the day’s schedule reveals a breakdown in dialogue and mutual accountability. His frustration mirrors a common pitfall in relationships where assumptions replace clear communication, ultimately leading to irreversible outcomes.

The dynamics of responsibility in shared living spaces are questioned as the ripple effect of one small change disrupts an entire workday. Expanding on this issue, it is important to note that many couples experience conflict when balancing individual habits with shared routines. Studies indicate that around 30% of adults struggle with sleep-related issues that can impact daily performance, making it crucial for couples to establish routines that accommodate both partners’ needs.

By overlooking a conversation about her chronic lateness, both parties allowed misunderstandings to fester, highlighting a broader social issue of managing personal responsibilities within intimate partnerships.

According to sleep expert Dr. Michael Breus, “A consistent sleep schedule is the cornerstone of both effective rest and reliable daytime function.” This insight underlines the role of routine in avoiding such conflicts. The expert’s perspective suggests that even minor disruptions—like switching alarm times without confirmation—can trigger a cascade of problems when underlying issues remain unaddressed. His advice emphasizes the need for clear communication and adjustments tailored to each individual’s sleep patterns.

For those facing similar dilemmas, practical solutions lie in open dialogue and structured routines. Couples are encouraged to discuss potential adjustments in advance and use technology to set coordinated alarms. Embracing a system where responsibilities and changes are mutually agreed upon can prevent small hiccups from developing into major crises. Ultimately, fostering an environment of transparency and cooperation is key to managing everyday challenges in relationships.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community – candid and humorous. These opinions, while entertaining, remind us that real-life issues often stir passionate debates online. Even though they might exaggerate or simplify the situation, they provide an interesting glimpse into how personal accountability and communication are perceived across diverse perspectives.

YessikaHaircutt − This person is not responsible enough to get married

Informal-Arrival678 − **NTA.** Your fiancée didn’t get fired because you turned off her alarms, she got fired because she couldn’t show up on time *nine separate times.*

pineboxwaiting − NTA and don’t marry her. She’s ignoring the EIGHT times she had been late that had nothing to do with you.. Do not tie yourself for life to someone who can’t even get out of bed in the morning.. She’s irresponsible and doesn’t take accountability for her actions. That’s just not a good life partner.

LSPassions − NTA. She didn't fill you in on her real work situation, so how were you supposed to know? It's on her to manage her alarms and communicate better. If she had eight strikes already, missing another shift is on her, not you.

MuppetBonesMD − Side point that might help - she should see a sleep doctor. I struggle with this. I found out way too late that it wasn’t that I was somehow morally broken for not being a morning person, I have something called delayed sleep phase disorder. No amount of shame, loud noise, or expectation will get you up before your 30’s. It’s super bad in teenagers and young people who have it.

Scared_Muffin5676 − Ask yourself if this is really the life you want to live between now and dead. I wouldn’t want to marry anyone I have to babysit.

WaryScientist − Eh mixed. You should never mess with someone’s alarm, period…. That being said, she is both irresponsible and inconsiderate. You didn’t get her fired - you did cause the straw that broke the camel’s back, but she was the one that kept her own mistakes from you and repeated them. The fact that she blames you and doesn’t take any ownership to her own actions is a HUGE red flag.

Let her postpone the wedding. Is it worth marrying someone that can’t admit that they’re wrong? Or doesn’t consider their impact on you? You feel awful about your role in her losing her job, but did she ever feel bad about driving you out of your bedroom? There’s lots of red flags here.

Copy_Ninja2002 − For me snooze alarms are selfish acts, when they influence other person than the one who set them up... Also, she needs to learn to take responsibility for her own mistakes. Eventually she would get fired because she did fail in doing her job.. NTA at all.

mfruitfly − ESH. You are the most minor of AH's because you should have woken her up when her alarm went off instead of assuming it was a mistake. The best approach is always to ask, never assume, and since this was out of the ordinary- it had been months since she worked an opening shift- you absolutely should have shaken her awake and asked her. But, you are not THE reason she got fired.

She has been late and has never figured out a successful way to complete a basic adult task- hell kids too it too- about waking up at the right time to be on time. She has had a pattern that got her in trouble at work, this isn't on you. So she is the much bigger problem here, and now you have to decide what you want to do.

As you lay out in your last paragraph, is this someone you see building a life with? At 24 she can't figure out how to wake up on time, even with a system that is remarkably chaotic for you, so much so you sleep in another room. She didn't tell you she was in trouble at her job, and now doesn't have a job. Postponing the wedding seems like the only good decision she has made.

Noodle_Sewp − YOU'RE NOT EVEN MARRIED YET AND SLEEPING SEPARATELY!!. Do you really need strangers to clue you in here?

In conclusion, this cautionary tale serves as a reminder that even seemingly minor adjustments in daily routines can have far-reaching consequences when communication breaks down. The fallout from the altered alarm settings not only led to a lost job but also exposed deep-seated issues within the relationship. What steps can be taken to ensure better communication and shared responsibility at home? What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

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