Update 2 AITAH for not invinting my ex-husband’s wife at my dauther’s birthday party because she told me not to?

The intricate family drama surrounding a mother’s decision to protect her daughter from alleged mistreatment by her stepmother has reached a critical juncture in its second update. What began with concerns about bullying at a birthday party has now spiraled into revelations about the daughter’s emotional well-being, potential underlying motivations for the stepmother’s behavior tied to a personal tragedy, and a dramatic late-night confession that has thrown the ex-husband’s marriage into turmoil.

This update reveals the emotional toll on the daughter, the mother’s growing concern and actions to support her child, and the ex-husband’s apparent awakening to the reality of the situation within his own home. As the layers of this complex family dynamic continue to unfold, the focus remains on the well-being of the young daughter caught in the middle of adult conflicts.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITAH for not invinting my ex-husband’s wife at my dauther’s birthday party because she told me not to?

‘Update 2 AITAH for not invinting my ex-husband’s wife at my dauther’s birthday party because she told me not to?’

My daughter: After the cake "incident," I asked her questions about whether M/half brother had ever laid hands on her, played such "pranks" on her, or behaved inappropriately (we never know). She told me no, explaining that the fights with her half-brother are mainly him annoying her.

I also inquired if anyone else from both sides had made her uncomfortable in any way, and again, she said no. Since my last post, she has been seeing her psychiatrist twice a week. The bullying apparently started about two months ago. I don't know if it is related (although I am sure it is), but it was also around that time that M had a miscarriage.

\*Me: To be honest, I feel like a terrible mom. I did not see the signs. I am trying to fix everything. \*My ex-husband: GUESS WHO SHOWED UP AT MY DOOR AT 10 PM???? He called me last night, was outside, and said he wanted to talk. I let him in, and because I don't trust him (I really don't), I recorded the whole conversation (with his consent).

He told me that since the party, he's been thinking about what to do and yesterday told M about my desire for more custody. From what he told me, she said that it was not such a bad idea because my daughter was not fitting into their family dynamic. They started to argue, and at one point, she just started cursing me and my daughter.

Apparently, I am a sneaky B-word who is bitter about her affair with my ex-husband. She described my daughter as a spoiled, bratty princess who needs correction. And now, he has to choose between which woman he loves the most. This is where he had the *click!* He left the house, drove around, and then showed up at my place.

He is going to stay at a friend's house to think about his relationship with M. Our daughter will stay with me during the week and visit him on the weekends. I told him that if he's going to get back together with M, I am continuing with full custody. But if they divorce,it will depends of his custody for his son because I don't want him around my daughter. He agreed.. That's it.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

The unfolding events underscore the complexities and potential pitfalls of blended families, particularly when unresolved issues and negative emotions are present. The daughter’s clarification about the nature of the conflicts with her half-brother emphasizes that the primary source of distress is her stepmother’s behavior.

The timing of the bullying coinciding with the stepmother’s miscarriage is a significant detail that suggests a possible link between her grief and her treatment of her stepdaughter. While this does not excuse the alleged bullying, it provides a potential context for understanding the stepmother’s actions.

Dr. Phil McGraw, a television personality and psychologist, often discusses the importance of recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors within families. The stepmother’s alleged verbal attacks and negative labeling of the daughter are classic examples of emotionally damaging behavior that can have long-lasting effects on a child’s self-esteem and well-being.

The ex-husband’s late-night visit and his apparent realization represent a critical turning point. His willingness to acknowledge the stepmother’s negative impact on his daughter and his decision to temporarily separate from his wife suggest a shift in his priorities. This indicates that the mother’s initial concerns, which were initially met with defensiveness, have now been validated by the stepmother’s own actions and words.

The mother’s decision to seek therapy for her daughter is a crucial and commendable step in supporting her emotional healing. The temporary custody arrangement, which prioritizes the daughter’s time with her mother, provides a more stable and potentially safer environment. The mother’s clear communication of her expectations regarding future custody arrangements based on the ex-husband’s relationship with the stepmother demonstrates her unwavering commitment to her daughter’s well-being.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit community has continued to rally in support of the mother, commending her for her protective instincts and her efforts to ensure her daughter’s safety and happiness. Many commenters expressed relief that the ex-husband appears to be finally recognizing the problematic situation and taking steps to address it.

Commenters also voiced concerns about the stepmother’s son’s behavior and the potential for her to be influencing him negatively in his interactions with his half-sister. Many expressed hope that the ex-husband will ultimately prioritize his daughter’s well-being and make decisions that will lead to a more stable and nurturing environment for her.

jaethegreatone − You are not a bad mom. The second you found out about everything, you did what you needed to do to protect your child. To me, it always sounded like M was jealous of you and your child and glad to hear she is away from her. Keep protecting your baby Mom!

AwkwardFortuneCookie − You are right to keep her away from step mom and jr. They will torture your child endlessly and I’m glad your ex is finally starting to see the truth before he lost his daughter completely.

Ladyvett − He should have known by the circumstances how his marriage started that he wasn’t getting a quality person to begin with, now he’s stuck with her in his life basically forever. You will know by his choice if he has anything of worth in him. A child should never be bullied especially in their own home. If he chooses her over your daughter then you definitely need full custody. You and your daughter deserve better.. Updateme!

Ironmike11B − You're doing the right thing. You're keeping your daughters relationship with her dad as a priority while keeping her away from his wife and kid.

Iwishyouwell2024 − What was she thinking??? Yeah, I am super stepmom that will be loved after I chased a married dad! Like, reality never seems to sink with affair partners. Of course, you two would never get along. Of course daughter would always see that her Dad was weak to chase another woman.

She will always be the affair, the homebreaker, the imposter, the evil stepmom, the sugarbaby, the midlife crises. But I am sorry that she had a miscarriage. She is depressed and will attack you, the dad and daughter in law.. You are a good mom for finding a therapist for her.

Jazzlike_Adeptness_1 − M has been bullying your daughter for 6 years in order to get rid of her. She’s probably shocked that it took this long.  I agree that the cake thing was a set up. She has been teaching her son to treat his sister like s**t. And If she thinks your daughter is a spoiled princess, why would she give a s**t about seeing her blowing out the candles?! .  I hope your ex realizes what he needs to do. Good luck. 

accj30 − Ex and M were having an affair and she got pregnant, that's why you filed for divorce, right? I think M's problem with you is that she believes that your ex only stayed with her because she was pregnant and because you ended everything, so there is a risk that he will leave her if you give the ex another chance, that's why she mistreats your daughter, to push her away, and consequently, you. She is a vile person, you are right to keep your daughter away from her.

SalisburyWitch − I think your ex trusted M would treat your daughter right. He didn’t notice problems because he didn’t expect problems. Teach your daughter to talk to both of you early on. If she’d spoken to her father about the bullying, it might have been stopped.

He would have also had to talk to m about that. Depending on whether he gets a divorce or not, highly suggest you visit a lawyer to get a restraining order against the boy AND the step mom. For the cake incident since you don’t know for certain whose idea it was.

excel_pager_420 − I suspect M miscarried a girl and that's what she's turned poisonous against your daughter and you. Grief and guilt. You did a job thing keeping your daughter away.

mak_zaddy − You are absolutely not a bad mom! You’re the opposite. You’re doing a great job protecting her.

The second update in this family saga reveals a significant escalation of the conflict and a potential turning point for the individuals involved. The daughter’s ongoing therapy, the stepmother’s possible motivations stemming from a personal loss, and the ex-husband’s marital crisis and subsequent confession underscore the complex and often painful realities of blended family dynamics.

How can parents effectively co-parent and prioritize their child’s emotional well-being when dealing with a step-parent who exhibits harmful behavior? What are the long-term effects of emotional bullying on children, and what resources are available to support them? How can individuals navigate the complexities of grief and loss without allowing it to negatively impact their relationships with others, especially children? Share your insights and advice on these critical aspects of family dynamics.

For those who want to read the sequel: UPDATE FINAL UPDATE AITAH for not invinting my ex-husband’s wife at my dauther’s birthday party because she told me not to?

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