AITAH for taking my ring back from my fiancé and calling off the wedding after learning crucial truth about her?

In a twist of fate that reads like a modern-day soap opera, a seemingly straightforward engagement spirals into a dark maze of family secrets and hidden betrayals. The story opens amid festive celebrations where smiles mask deep-rooted conflicts—a night meant for joy turns into the unveiling of long-buried wounds. The atmosphere is charged with tension as old family ties clash with new revelations, setting the stage for a dramatic unraveling.

Under the soft glow of a dinner party, emotions run high and past grievances resurface unexpectedly. The OP, caught in a whirlwind of familial manipulation and abuse, finds himself questioning not only his choice of partner but also the very fabric of his family’s loyalty and honor. This engaging narrative invites us to explore how one decision can shatter illusions and redefine trust.

‘AITAH for taking my ring back from my fiancé and calling off the wedding after learning crucial truth about her?’

This is going to be very long sub. I apologize advance in for that. I just don't have anyone to share and ask advice. I still can't believe everything happened so fast. Me(27M) and my ex-fiance Julie (27F) have been dating for 5 years now. We were pretty serious about our relationship up untill now I am questioning about my choice in women. I grew up in a big family. My parents have 5 kids.

My two older sister, me and my twin sister and my younger brother. The eldest of us, Alianna(32F) was set to marry one of our parents' friend's son Theo(36M). Alianna was very intelligent among all of us. She went to a prestigious college. It was a pretty big deal since we are from a second world class country. She was supposed to marry Theo 10 years ago. But right on the wedding day, she ran away.

We had no clue where she went to. I assume she left early in the morning. The wedding was supposed to happen during afternoon. My second eldest sister, Eleanor(29F) was helping with everything around the preparation. My parents didn't wanted to stress Alianna that day much so most of the work shifted on Eleanor. Our parents didn't trust me because I was 17 and others because they were young.

Eleanor was quite busy as the guest started to arrive soon. Soon enough, we realised Alianna was nowhere to be found. We called Theo's parents who hurriedly came over in resort(we rented a resort for the whole day. It was quite expensive since the eldest of both families are getting married). They were panicking because guest started to arrive and they will lose face.

Suddenly they targeted Eleanor to be the bride. Eleanor at first tried to reason with them, telling how it doesn't work like that. But Theo's family was having none of it(it was mainly their idea). My parents chipped in when our grandparents got involved. Theo was silent at the whole situation. He was a spineless loser, that's what I first thought. But looking back, he was just shocked as everyone around back then.

He left the room and some of the man family went after him so he wouldn't do anything stupid. Eleanor was forced to get ready. She couldn't ran away as there was multiple women keeping an eye on her. She was crying at first but got scolded by our mother and grandmother for that. They got married, my sister was supposed to enroll in a collage that year. She was only 19 back then. I was 17 so was my twin.

And the youngest of the family was only 12. Theo's parents didn't let Eleanor to enroll in a collage. Which left her pretty devastated. They feared that if Eleanor had a chance she would ran away. She could only visit our house once a month. Our parents were sympathetic but they told her to suck it up as she wasn't their responsibility after her marriage (their words). Because of that, she stopped talking about her problems to them.

She would talk to me about her problems as all she wanted was mental support. Theo and Eleanor's marriage wasn't great either. She didn't graphically explained their lives but with the pieces of information, I could tell that was just a cold hearted b**tard. I am not afraid to call him out even if I see him now. He never acknowledged Eleanor as she wasn't supposed to be his wife in the first place.

He dismissed her. He earns alot. He is an engineer and he took care of his family as well as his younger sister. 3 months after their wedding, my sister came in our parents house with a bruised arm. We learnt that Theo sometimes use force on her to shut her up(like tightly grabbing wrist or arms tightly. That's what my sister mentioned). I stupidly confirmed him in person that day.

Which led to a huge argument. I was grounded for meddling in my sister's marriage and my sister's monthly turned into one visit in four months. Eleanor came 6 months later finally with a obvious baby bump. Eleanor and I talked very rarely after that. She wouldn't tell me anything as she was afraid that I will confront Theo. She can't divorce him as my parents wouldn't take her in and the society we are in looks down at divorced women.

So, she leaned on working things out with him. Around 3 years ago, Theo left our current city with Eleanor and their two sons. Eleanor was 6 months pregnant with my niece that time. They shifted in the capital of our country which was 10 hours away from our current city. After shifting there they went in extreme low contact my family. I met Julie, Theo's younger sister because of my twin. They are inseparable best friends.

Me and my twin didn't have anything in common so I hang out with her very less and didn't knew most of her friends. My twin, Lily set me on a blind date with Julie. We clicked and been dating since that blind date. I thought I met the one. Clearly I was wrong. I proposed to Julie, on the may. I was saving up for the marriage, I didn't wanted a big ceremony. Just a small ceremony with few relatives and friends. It'll be less than 60 people.

My eldest sister, Alianna suddenly made contacts with us after almost 10 years which was shocking. She introduced us to her kids and husband. She is married to a lawyer and have two girls under 5. I wasn't thrilled to meet her. We went through humiliation due to her sudden cold feet. Alianna tried to reason with me when I made it clear I am not thrilled to see her again.

I also noticed, Alianna was very close to Lily and Julie. I told Julie, I am not comfortable with her suddenly being close to my sister. I said it's better if we put some boundaries. She agreed but she didn't keep my words for a long time. My parents threw us welcome dinner for Alianna and my engagement news last week. We were getting tipsy by the end of party.

I didn't drank because I need to drive back in my apartment and I need to drop off Julie and her parents in their house as well(we don't live together). One point at the dinner, Alianna thanked Julie for helping her to run away back then because if she didn't listen to her she might've never met her love of life(husband). Julie laughed like crazy by saying she did that for her own benefit as well. They are tipsy/drunk, so they kept talking.

Julie was explaining, how she helped Alianna figure everything out. Her mom tried to stop her but she kept rambling. At one point, she suddenly said. "I thought, if Alianna ran away, you guys will just deal with it But you guys made Eleanor and married her off to Theo. Things didn't go as I planned it will". That caught my attention greatly so I asked her mother to interrupt her and she got defensive. Hurriedly Took Julie home.

I asked Julie few days later about it and she was keep avoiding the topic. Saying she was drunk and didn't think before speaking. I gave her an ultimatum of if she didn't tell me about it, I will break off the engagement. She panicked and came over in my apartment to talk. So basically, she wanted her best friend to marry her brother. She knew, Alianna wasn't into Theo. At all but she didn't have the guts to say no to their wedding.

At one point, she accepts her fate but Julie, she encouraged her to find her true man. Julie said, she didn't think my parents will drag Eleanor in this mess. She was dumb and stupid. She was 17 Just like me. I was angry but kept my composer. Then she dropped the bombshell on me. Julie, tried to break Eleanor and Theo. As she wanted Lily as her sister-in-law. Theo, is fairly an attractive guy. He had alot admirers in his student life.

Julie went as far as, sending his admirers Eleanor's phone number and contact information. She would get harassed daily due to those people. My sister stopped using social media long ago. Later, Theo also took her phone away. We thought, it was because of his toxic nature but no, he was doing it because he didn't wanted anyone to harass his pregnant wife. Julie didn't stop there, she began to talk about Theo's ex girlfriends and flings to Eleanor.

Eleanor would get upset and bring those girls up during arguements and then, Theo would grip her arms or wrists tightly to the point it would leave red bruises. It went on for few years. Then Theo found out who was telling this whole scheme. He was upset and angry. This is why Theo took Eleanor and their kids. They went low contact with us because of it.

Theo wanted to fix things between them after they had their first baby but couldn't since Eleanor would bring up his exes or Alianna. Julie wanted to put a wedge between them. When Theo found out he went no contact with his side of family and low contact with us. Worst of all is, Lily was part of this. I couldn't bare to listen to how she tried to mess up two people's life.

I yanked the ring off her finger and took away my apartment keys before kicking her out. I can't possibly marry this girl. Never in my wildest dreams. I called up Lily, thinking she was victim or Julie's manipulation. To my surprise, she wasn't. She also liked Theo. She said she would try to get touchy with him during the time Eleanor would visit us. Theo would ignore her or brush her off.

She shamelessly admitted that she tried to offer herself to him but Theo, flat out said, Eleanor was better looking than her plus, he have dignity not to cheat on his wife. After that incident, Theo would stick with Eleanor all the time when he visits us. They don't visit our parents house anymore, now I know why. I don't blame them honestly.

I called Eleanor few minutes ago asker her about her whereabouts. She sounded very happy and invited me to come over someday and meet them. I guess the news didn't reach her yet. By the night, everyone calling me, apparently word got out that I took Julie's ring. Julie admitted her mistakes and everyone is saying I should forgive her because she was young and dumb.

My problem is, I get the helping Alianna running away but putting Eleanor into mental stress for 7 years? She was an adult that time. I tried to reason with everyone but they are saying I should meddle into my sister's marriage.. So AITAH for breaking off my engagement after I learning what she did to my sister and brother-in-law?

Letting your partner meet your family can feel like a monumental step in a relationship. In this case, the OP’s experience transcends typical relationship woes, as it exposes a web of deceit and a history of forced commitments. The interplay between familial duty and personal happiness creates an environment where secrets fester and control is wielded like a weapon.

Analyzing the OP’s situation reveals conflicting motivations among family members. On one side, there is the oppressive pressure of traditional values forcing unwanted marriages, and on the other, personal ambitions and manipulative schemes that worsen already dire circumstances. The dynamic of power—where some members use emotional and physical abuse to maintain control—is laid bare, casting a long shadow over any notion of familial support.

Broader societal issues are also evident here. Forced marriages and domestic abuse are not isolated phenomena; they are part of a larger conversation about individual rights versus cultural expectations. Statistics from various global reports highlight that such practices continue to affect thousands despite progress in gender equality and legal reforms. This story reminds us that behind every statistic is a personal tragedy, and that society must confront these uncomfortable truths.

According to Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned psychiatrist noted for her work on trauma and abuse, “Domestic violence is not just about physical harm—it’s a systematic exercise of power and control that leaves lasting psychological scars.” This insight underscores the importance of recognizing abuse in all its forms.

In the OP’s scenario, the manipulation and physical abuse inflicted upon his sister serve as stark examples of how traditional norms can be weaponized to silence and control. Such expert perspectives offer a valuable framework for understanding the multi-layered challenges within the family, and they advocate for clearer support systems and open dialogues about abuse and personal agency.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Here are some hot takes from the Reddit community—candid, humorous, and unabashed. The comments, filled with a mix of shock, empathy, and wit, highlight how deeply this story has resonated with readers. While opinions vary wildly, they collectively underscore the emotional turmoil and ethical dilemmas at the heart of the drama.

Lucky-Effective-1564 − I'm sorry, if this is real it makes me so cross. Eleanor was f**king sold to Theo to keep the peace. Dear God your parents are shits!

ArianaMcNally − NTA. What Julie and Lily did was not a "teenage mistake." It was a calculated campaign of manipulation and cruelty that impacted your sister's life and marriage. You're really reallyy right not to want to marry someone capable of such malicious actions.

Sea-Still5427 − Assuming this isn't fake or a film student's plot outline homework, I think there are a number of lenses one could apply. One is that it doesn't reflect western values so will attract different responses depending on the reader's background.  To me, there seem to be massive double standards going on here.

Engaged Alianna and then Eleanor don't have the right to say no to marriage and are shamed, controlled or abandoned in various ways, Theo can't say no to being married off to someone else on his wedding day, yet you can reject Julie despite being engaged (which is as good as married in some cultures), and unmarried Lily can throw herself at her brother-in-law without anyone noticing.

randothers − Is this a soap opera write up?

DrTeethPhD − This is the stupidest pile of horseshit. OP claims to have fallen in love with Theo's sister. So, a member of the same family that supposedly *forced* Eleanor to marry Theo, refused to allow Eleanor to attend university, and refused to let Eleanor visit her family. OP met someone from this group of *Flowers In The Attic* rejects, and decides he wants to join up? Is Theo simultaneously a spineless loser and a control freak?

Is he the person who protected Eleanor from his throngs of horny admirers, or the guy who physically abused her? What f**king inbred hillbilly s**thole country has women attending prestigious universities, while also allowing them to be replacement brides without their consent? Where the f**k were OP's parents when he got engaged to a member of the family that stole their second daughter and allowed her to be beaten?. GTFOH

Frozefoots − YTA for writing all of this b**lshit up and trying to pass it off as something real. Not even Days of Our Lives or Bold and the Beautiful have come up with such tripe.. There’s absolutely no way.

SuccubusSins − If this isn't the plot to some long horrible telenovela, you all suck. Everyone in this story is the jerk. But you most of all. I get it, you were a child. But now you're not. Your sister ran away from a marriage she didn't want. Your next sister was forced to marry some dirty old man she didn't know.

And your twin tried to help all of them, and you judged her for it. Their plan was stupid and misguided and, if I'm interpreting your culture correctly, could have gotten them killed or maimed. No one in either of these families that did nothing while these sham marriages took place are good people. This is all awful and I feel sorry for these women. No wonder they run. ESH.

leerypenguins − This is a plot of several Chinese dramas. Yours isn’t even a good remake of it. :/

Magdovus − You're blaming the wrong people. The parents and grandparents deserve to be blamed and publicly shamed for their behaviour.. Also, go find your sister, c**ard.

docileboy − If this is real, your families are m**strous. And you're not much better.

In conclusion, this tangled narrative is a stark reminder that family dynamics can sometimes be as treacherous as any external relationship. The OP’s decision to reclaim his ring reflects a refusal to tolerate injustice, even when it comes from within. What would you do if you found yourself caught between tradition, manipulation, and your own quest for happiness? Share your thoughts and join the discussion below.

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *