AITA for telling my uncle his advice is unwanted and his opinion is unwelcome?

Family conflict isn’t always about grand gestures—it can be etched in every tense word and subtle glare. For this young man, the simmering bitterness left by a betrayal runs deep. Living with a father scarred by his wife’s infidelity with the very uncle who now offers unsolicited advice, he is caught between preserving a fragile familial bond and asserting his own emotional limits. His everyday encounters force him to confront a legacy of broken trust that shapes every awkward visit and uncomfortable conversation.

In the quiet moments spent at his grandparents’ house, where cordiality is expected for the sake of family unity, the tension becomes almost unbearable. Each remark from his uncle carries a weight of past transgressions, triggering memories of betrayal that still haunt him. Despite the plea from older relatives to show respect, he finds himself drawing an unmistakable line between inherited obligations and his right to self-respect.

‘AITA for telling my uncle his advice is unwanted and his opinion is unwelcome?’

I(19m) live with my dad since my mom cheated on him with my uncle. Still see my uncle every few weeks but only because he lives with my grandparents and I don't want to go NC with them. My dad agrees with this, saying I should just be stoic to the guy when I visit. Mom's no longer in the picture, having left my uncle for someone else. Haven't seen her for months now. My dad gave me a credit card last year, saying that I can use it for meals.

I am also allowed to buy one new book each week. Today, I bought 'The Maze Runner'. Then I had lunch and went to my grandparents' house, where as usual I just ignored my uncle and talked to my grandparents. My uncle usually ignores me as well, but not today. He asked me why I wasted money buying the book when I already have the movie, before saying my dad should have taught me better about money management.

Then the guy also went on and said that I'm too old for the book. I said the stuff listed in the title of the post. Didn't raise my voice at him or anything. Just looked him right in the eyes and said it. My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder. They said I should be polite to him 'for \[their\] sake', saying I should have greater self-control at my age.

Facing family conflict, especially when deep-seated betrayals are involved, calls for clear emotional boundaries. Experts emphasize that establishing limits is a healthy way to preserve one’s mental well-being. Dr. Lisa Morgan, a family therapist, explains, “When an individual consistently faces criticism linked to unresolved family issues, setting respectful boundaries is essential to prevent further emotional damage.”

Her advice, widely echoed on parenting and mental health platforms, highlights that it is acceptable—and necessary—to reject advice that stems from past betrayals. In another perspective, Dr. Morgan notes that maintaining self-respect requires acknowledging and addressing the pain of historical family wounds. “A young person must assert their right to choose how much influence toxic relatives have over their life,” she asserts.

This approach is not about disrespect for elders but about prioritizing one’s emotional health while dealing with complex family dynamics. Her insights are supported by numerous studies and clinical experiences shared on reputable mental health websites.

Furthermore, setting boundaries can lead to improved long-term relationships. Experts claim that by openly discussing past grievances and defining personal limits, families can transition from unresolved anger to constructive dialogue. By standing up to unsolicited advice—even when it comes from a relative—the young man demonstrates an important step toward healing and independence. This healthy assertion of autonomy can, over time, reshape family interactions into more honest and respectful exchanges.

Finally, many experts agree that young adults are not obligated to absorb toxic behaviors simply because of family hierarchy. “Respect is earned, not automatically given based on age or relation,” Dr. Morgan concludes. Embracing this principle not only empowers individuals but also encourages a cultural shift in how familial respect is understood and conveyed. This advice offers a valuable roadmap for anyone struggling with similar tensions.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The overall sentiment among Reddit users is one of resounding support for asserting personal boundaries—even with family members. The community agrees that unsolicited advice, especially when steeped in a history of betrayal, is not acceptable.

Many users applaud the young man’s calm yet firm approach, stressing that respect must be mutual and earned rather than demanded solely based on family hierarchy. In their view, his response is a necessary reclaiming of control in an emotionally charged situation, and they reinforce that he has every right to reject toxic opinions, regardless of age or status.

DawnofNight_Ash − NTA. Besides, the books are always better than the movies.

Classic_Equipment_41 − Ha ha ... you should have greater self control at your age. Funny that your grandparents seem okay with your (presumably much older) uncle not having even enough self control to not cheat with his brother's wife!. I congratulate you on your cool headed and mature response!

GaidinDaishan − Hahahahahahahaha. I should have greater self-control at my age.. He should have had greater self-control not to sleep with his brother's wife.. They said I should be polite to him 'for [their] sake'. Tell them that your presence in their lives is a luxury that you decide to give them. If they decide to support their disgusting son who sleeps with his brother's wife, then that's on them.

It's not something that demands politeness from you.. My grandparents told me that I didn't have to be rude to him and that he's still my elder.. Just being older does not mean he gets respect.. Old people need to learn their place when it comes to respect.. Your age doesn't demand respect.

[Reddit User] − I(19m) live with my dad after my mom cheated on me with my uncle.. I think and hope you mean *him*, not *me*.

Bo_O58 − NTA Still better than saying

tatersprout − NTA You can tell someone you don't want their advice. You can also tell someone not to talk to you. That's not being rude, it's establishing boundaries. Tell your grandparents that.. Also, they said you should have more self control? What about their son?

Trippy-Psychologist − Elder or not, you are 19 and have the right to express your feelings towards someone. I mean if you said

No-Refrigerator-5540 − NTA - Yes, the 19 year old should have self-restraint in this situation, versus the what? Let's say nearing his 50's living with his parents capital D that threw a bomb into their other son- and granddaughters life. Also: Was that a serious question on his behalf? Is he special? How are a book and a movie the same experience? I understand this is a tough situation with him living there, and you wanting a relationship with your grandparents, but honestly.

Perhaps you and your dad can work out a way to explain to them why this is difficult for you, that he is there when you visit. And it is especially not fair for them them to ask you to be the responsible

Out of all the people in this thread, you seem to be both the youngest, and the one pulling the weight behind these interactions. Sometimes calmly starting a conversation about your experience with this, can bring new solutions to the table.

naraic- − Being your elder didn't stop him from being the family disgrace.. Why should it make you respect him.. Tell the grandparents they should throw him out for your sake.

forgeris − NTA. Your answer was perfectly warranted and your grandparents had no right to tell you anything. I would even tell my grandparents that

In conclusion, navigating family dynamics laden with past betrayals is a challenging but essential part of growing up. The young man’s refusal to accept unwanted advice from his uncle is a bold stand for personal integrity.

His story reminds us that maintaining self-respect sometimes means drawing a line—even when it risks upsetting older family members. What would you do if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts and experiences below, and let’s discuss how best to balance familial obligations with personal wellbeing.

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