When Cheaters Keep Cheating: Am I the A-hole for Setting Boundaries?

After a messy divorce and betrayal that left scars on all involved, the drama continues to follow. In this post, a 33-year-old man describes how his ex-wife, Cindy, who cheated on him and quickly remarried, recently contacted him with complaints about her new husband, Jake. Instead of getting drawn into the chaos, he set clear boundaries by telling Jake to leave him alone and focus on her own behavior. This incident raises the question: when an ex’s actions keep spiraling out of control, am I the a**hole for not stepping in further?

‘AITA for telling my ex wife’s new husband to leave me alone and focus on her being obsessed with me?’

Relationship experts note that after a divorce—especially one marred by infidelity—setting healthy boundaries is essential. Dr. Emily Harrison, a licensed marriage counselor, advises that “if an ex is using their new relationship to stir up drama, it’s perfectly acceptable to disengage and protect your emotional well-being.” In situations like these, personal boundaries help prevent further emotional harm.

Legal and custody experts also emphasize that one is under no obligation to become involved in an ex’s personal disputes. “After a divorce, communication should focus on matters directly affecting both parties, such as child support or co-parenting,” explains attorney Mark Stevenson. Unsolicited commentary on a new partner’s behavior is not only unnecessary but can also complicate post-divorce relationships.

Psychologists further stress that reacting to provocations—especially those intended to elicit a response—can worsen the situation. “Choosing not to escalate a conflict is a sign of emotional maturity,” says Dr. Linda Morales, a clinical psychologist. By refusing to engage in a potentially volatile confrontation, one can maintain control over their own mental health.

Ultimately, experts agree that establishing clear boundaries with an ex is not only acceptable but often necessary for long-term healing. In this case, the decision to avoid further conflict by telling Jake to leave was a rational step towards preserving peace in a complicated post-divorce dynamic.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users were quick to back the decision. Many commenters praised him for refusing to get entangled in his ex’s drama, arguing that his ex-wife’s provocative behavior is her own responsibility. Some noted that his response was both sensible and necessary, especially given his history of betrayal.

A few users humorously pointed out that Jake should have been focused on his own issues instead of chasing a cheater’s drama. The consensus was clear: by prioritizing his own peace and refusing to engage in a fight, he did nothing wrong.

This story raises important questions about personal boundaries in the aftermath of divorce and infidelity. Is it fair to expect someone to get involved in an ex’s ongoing personal disputes, especially when that conflict is fueled by provocative behavior?

While some might argue that a partner should always fight for the relationship, others believe that protecting one’s own emotional well-being is paramount. What do you think? Should exes remain completely uninvolved once the marriage is over, or is there ever a time when stepping in is justified? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.