AITA for not giving washer and dryer away to brother-in-law and sister-in-law?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a household where financial favors have long blurred the lines of family loyalty, a seemingly simple appliance dispute has ignited a heated debate. The tension is palpable as a long-standing debt comes back to haunt the family dynamics, turning everyday items into symbols of unresolved obligations. The situation unfolds against a backdrop of mixed emotions, with family members caught between generosity and the sting of betrayal.

Amid the familiar backdrop of domestic life, the recent replacement of a faulty dryer set the stage for an unexpected conflict. What was meant to be a routine upgrade turned into a battleground over a free washer and dryer set, as the in-laws’ interest collided with lingering financial resentments. This delicate scenario invites us to explore the intersection of money, family ties, and the fine art of keeping promises.

‘AITA for not giving washer and dryer away to brother-in-law and sister-in-law?’

I have a brother-in-law and sister-in-law that has owed my wife and me $1,200 for over three years now. They were struggling at the time and we let them borrow the money to get a place of their own with the expectation that they would pay us back quickly, although we really expected that they would give us $50 here and there until it was paid back, which we were fine with.

Now, more than three years later, we have not received a dime and they avoid the subject. The other day, our four-year old dryer quit working and instead of dealing with the hassle of getting it repaired, we went out and bought a new washer and dryer set. We posted the old ones for free on FB marketplace.

Almost immediately, my sister-in-law messaged that they wanted it, to which I replied that I would sell it to them for $1,200. She called my wife about the exchange and my wife was somewhat upset. I've temporarily taken the listing down, but I am adamant that they don't get it, especially since there is till a ton of value in them. AITA?

Navigating family financial disputes can be as complex as any high-stakes negotiation. Financial and relationship dynamics are intertwined, making clear communication essential. The OP’s decision to enforce a monetary value on items intended for free use highlights the importance of boundaries when money is involved in family matters. It’s a reminder that unresolved debts can cast a long shadow over even the simplest exchanges.

The OP finds themselves at a crossroads where the promise of goodwill conflicts with the reality of unpaid loans. On one side, the in-laws expect the generosity typically extended within families; on the other, the persistent debt underscores that such generosity isn’t without consequences. The situation exposes the often-overlooked tension between familial duty and the need for financial accountability.

Some experts stress that money issues within families can easily sour relationships if not managed transparently. Dr. Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist, has stated, “Unresolved financial issues within families can lead to deep-seated resentment and long-term conflicts.” His insight draws attention to the necessity of addressing financial discrepancies head-on to avoid lingering disputes that may escalate into broader familial strife.

Broadening the discussion, it’s not uncommon for unresolved debts to trigger ongoing conflicts. Studies have shown that financial disputes are among the top contributors to family stress, often leading to communication breakdowns and emotional distance. The OP’s predicament is a microcosm of a larger social issue where trust and money collide, forcing families to choose between old loyalties and new boundaries.

Ultimately, advice for those facing similar dilemmas centers on clear, honest communication and the establishment of firm boundaries. Practical steps—such as setting up repayment schedules or addressing the issue directly in a group discussion—can pave the way for resolution. This approach not only honors financial responsibilities but also preserves the essential fabric of family relationships.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Overall, the Reddit community largely agrees that the OP’s decision is justified. The consensus is that the lingering unpaid debt of $1,200 from the in-laws makes it reasonable not to simply gift the washer and dryer.

Many feel that enforcing clear financial boundaries is necessary, and that extending further generosity without accountability could only exacerbate the issue. In short, the common opinion is that holding the in-laws responsible for their debt is the right call, ensuring fairness and respect in family dealings.

mdthomas − They still owe you money. Why would you give them something for free?. NTA

_parenda_ − NTA. You don’t have an Inlaw problem you have a wife problem.

Brother-Cane − NTA. They still owe you a substantial sum. They aren't entitled to any more

lockmama − They were prob planning on selling them.

Dadbeyondtheglass − I would start a group chat with everyone included and start sending reminders when they get paid for your money.. $50 x 24 months is $1200. I’m sure with both working they can swing $50

jesushadanonlyfans − NTA: you got some grifters in your family

thetaleofzeph − NTA but if you want your money back you need to buckle down and hound them for $50 a month. No way people like this are ever giving back a dime if they aren't forced to.

ThatKinkyLady − ESH. Them for not paying you back. You for being willing to give away these appliances for free, yet not to your in-laws. I understand not wanting to on principle, but don't claim it's because they have value when you'd give them to a stranger for free. I also think you're the AH for being so incredibly passive-aggressive about it. Charging them 1200 for appliances you're giving away is a d**k move.

Be an adult and tell them you have already helped them recently with a loan that hasn't been paid back yet, so at this time you extending your good will to someone else. And that you'd really like them to pay you back. Explain yourself like a mature human being. If you already had this convo, my vote would change to N-T-A.

LouisV25 − NTA. Put it back up on Facebook and sell it. Just avoid the subject. Isn’t that what they do to you?

dec256 − Are they still struggling? Have they had a run of bad luck ?

In wrapping up, the discussion around unpaid debts and family obligations highlights the fine balance between generosity and accountability. While the OP’s decision to enforce a monetary value on the washer-dryer set stems from legitimate frustration over an old debt, it also raises questions about the best ways to handle financial disputes in close relationships.

What would you do if you found yourself in a similar situation? Share your thoughts, experiences, and advice below—let’s discuss how to navigate these tricky family dynamics together.

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