AITA for not having an in-depth discussion with my sister about why I won’t babysit her two daughters while she has her third child?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Family dynamics often present us with unexpected challenges, especially when personal boundaries clash with familial obligations. In this story, a 26-year-old sister is faced with a difficult request from her older sister, who needs babysitting help for her two young daughters during the birth of her third child. Despite the emotional weight of the situation and the urgency of her sister’s need, she stands firm on her decision. Her refusal is rooted in her genuine discomfort with managing the unpredictable and volatile behavior of the children, which she finds overwhelming.

In a moment where support is most needed, the call for an in-depth discussion about her reasons is met with a simple, unwavering “no.” This decision not only highlights her strong personal boundaries but also exposes the deep-seated issues within the family. The tension between the sister’s practical concerns and her sibling’s insistence on finding a compromise sets the stage for a broader conversation about responsibility, respect, and the limits of familial duty.

‘AITA for not having an in-depth discussion with my sister about why I won’t babysit her two daughters while she has her third child?’

My sister (38f) asked me (26f) if I would babysit her two daughters (5f and 4f) while she gives birth to her third child. I told her no because I don't feel comfortable babysitting them. My sister asked me why and I told her that the girls not getting along and all the trouble between them is more than I could handle for an unknown amount of time. I told her there was nothing that would make me more willing to babysit in these circumstances.

For those wondering how bad it can be between them, it's bad. Sibling rivalry, or whatever this is, has been awful between them since they started any kind of independent play. They're very mean to each other. They get very loud together because they'll scream at each other and throw things so the other can't play with it.

There is no setting where they can get along. My parents have babysat them together and they told me it was exhausting and none of the consequences for being mean/acting out helped them calm down. My dad said it was like two fighting cats and nothing short of separating them calms things down. My sister and I went out with the girls before she got pregnant.

Just a girls day out. I wasn't even alone with them then and I felt out of my depth. They fought the whole day and The oldest says she hates her sister a lot. While the youngest is the loudest during any fight or when she's expressing an issue with her sister. The hug it out method that my sister and her husband use never works. They refuse to touch at all let alone hug.

They can never find a hired babysitter who'll keep the girls for the agreed time. They always get called home early from dates. They've tried over 20 babysitters. My sister is aware of the problems between her girls. She doesn't like when anyone tries to give advice about what to do.

So I didn't go into more details with her when I was explaining why. But she said we needed to sit down and have a more in-depth discussion about my reasons because she wants to try and figure something out seeing as I'm the best person for the job. I told her we have no reason to have this discussion, that she needs to accept my no and find someone else to babysit.

She told me it's too risky for her to deliver alone because she's always had complicated deliveries. Her husband needs to be beside her and not home with the girls. So I need to talk this out with her and help her.. AITA?

Navigating family responsibilities can be challenging, and this case underscores the importance of setting clear boundaries. When one is asked to take on a role they’re uncomfortable with, especially under stressful conditions, the decision to say “no” is not just reasonable—it’s essential for preserving one’s own well-being. The sister in this narrative explains that the constant bickering and unruly behavior between her nieces create an environment that she finds too chaotic to manage effectively.

This situation reveals a classic conflict between family loyalty and personal limitations. While the sister’s refusal might seem abrupt, it is grounded in a realistic assessment of her capacity to handle a prolonged crisis. The children’s persistent fighting and their inability to behave calmly are not minor issues; they reflect deeper challenges that could potentially overwhelm even the most patient caregiver. The refusal to babysit is not an act of neglect but a declaration of personal boundaries that need to be respected.

On a broader level, this narrative touches on the crucial role of family therapy and professional intervention in managing complex sibling dynamics. Research in child psychology consistently shows that unresolved conflicts between siblings can have long-term impacts on their behavior and emotional development. The problems described in this story—intense sibling rivalry, constant arguments, and physical altercations—are not uncommon in households lacking effective conflict resolution strategies. Professional advice often suggests that addressing these issues early on through structured interventions can prevent them from escalating.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, a renowned parenting expert, “Establishing and respecting boundaries within the family is vital for maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring that all members can thrive.” Her insights remind us that the refusal to take on additional responsibilities—especially when they interfere with one’s own emotional health—is a necessary act of self-care. In this light, the sister’s decision is not about abandoning family duties but about recognizing and respecting her own limits. By standing firm on her stance, she is advocating for a more sustainable approach to family caregiving—one where everyone’s needs and boundaries are acknowledged and addressed.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The comments reveal a strong consensus: many believe the sister’s refusal is justified given the chaotic environment she’d be stepping into. Some even suggest alternatives like splitting the children among other family members.

The community’s blend of pragmatic advice and empathetic humor underscores the common sentiment that personal boundaries, especially when it comes to managing difficult behavior, should never be compromised.

EsmeWeatherwax7a − NTA for refusing to babysit. Although if the only problem with the girls is their behavior when they are together, could you take one of them and your parents take the other? I am not trying to talk you into sitting on a regular basis but if your sister can't keep a regular sitter under normal circumstances, this might be something to consider as a one-time deal. I don't love how much your sister is pressuring you, though, and if that's reason enough to decline the discussion, it's perfectly justified.

Weird_Protection_214 − NTA. Idk why your sister is acting surprised that you declined babysitting them for potentially multiple days when you have declined babysitting them for even a few hours in the past. Even if her birth goes quickly and with zero complications, she’ll be in L&D for at least 10-12 hours. Your reasons for declining are totally valid, and she should respect that. Your parents would be far better candidates for babysitting the girls for that length of time. Did your sister ask them first?

apieceofeight − Info: are the two girls in therapy? This level of discord should be addressed by a professional, I would think. NTA for not wanting to babysit. Your sister needs to respect your boundaries. I do wonder though if there’s a compromise where they can be split up among other siblings or friends during the birth.

Own_Lack_4526 − NTA. You need to strongly - STRONGLY - suggest family therapy to your sister. This is only going to get worse when there is a baby involved - unless the two of them view the baby as a common enemy and join forces that way.

Ok-Profession-2577 − NTA. Your sister and BIL are TA having another baby when they can’t deal with the two they have.

goddessofspite − NTA so she already has 2 kids who massively hate each other and don’t get along but instead of fixing this her answer is to add another kid to the equation. Yeah ok enough said.

NoSalamander7749 − NTA. You already had a discussion with her about why you're not comfortable babysitting them for however many weeks it takes. What she wants is a discussion where she can refute your concerns and convince you to watch them despite what you've already told her. I feel for her, but it's not your issue to solve.

beepbeepboop74656 − NTA my sister and I fought like this as children. She pushed me down so much as a baby they thought I had developmental delays because I couldn’t walk. It’s nothing I did she just wanted to be an only child and I refused to be her slave. We went to different schools our whole lives because of it. We’re in our 30s now and don’t have a relationship. The kids need therapy if there’s any hope of them ever getting along.

Calm_Initial − NTA. “We don’t need to talk it out, you need to accept my NO.”

jrobinson9108 − NTA. At all. Cannot believe sister isn't doing anything to improve their issues with each other. Especially before the new baby comes! I would stick to this that you will not watch them until their behavior is corrected AND they are in therapy. Just an idea, perhaps someone could watch one when someone else watches the other? So that way they are separated and are better behaved. Though I believe that you should not cave and watch them.

Even if they are separated. If you DO end up watching both or either, it will show your sister you are in fact able to be convinced, and your ultimatum or boundary (whatever it's called) that you won't watch them until their behaviors are corrected and they're in therapy will be worthless and she will continue to ask you after this and not do anything about it. I hope I explained that well.. Good luck to you!

In conclusion, this story is a compelling reminder that saying “no” can sometimes be the healthiest decision. While family support is important, it should not come at the cost of personal well-being or mental health. The conflict here isn’t just about babysitting—it’s about recognizing and respecting one’s limits in the face of overwhelming family dynamics.

What would you do if you were caught between family obligations and your own boundaries? Share your thoughts and experiences, and let’s discuss where the balance should lie.

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