AITA for telling my mom I’m not making her choose because I’m happy to be left out?
Family ties can fray under betrayal, as a 26-year-old woman found after her sister’s affair with her husband ended her marriage. Recently divorced, she’s cut off her 27-year-old sister entirely, avoiding all contact. When her mother planned a family dinner, she declined, unwilling to share space with her sister—now engaged to her ex. Her mom called it unfair, accusing her of forcing a choice, but she countered that she’s content being left out rather than pretending all’s well.
The standoff has left her mom frustrated and her stance firm. This story explores the aftermath of infidelity, the limits of familial obligation, and the personal cost of standing by one’s principles in a fractured family.
‘AITA for telling my mom I’m not making her choose because I’m happy to be left out?’
Betrayal by a sibling and spouse is a double wound, and this woman’s choice to distance herself is a healthy boundary, not pettiness. Her mother’s push for reconciliation overlooks the depth of that hurt, placing unity over her daughter’s well-being. By accepting exclusion, she’s not forcing a choice—she’s protecting herself.
The sister’s upcoming marriage to the ex only deepens the rift, making “happy families” an unrealistic ask. Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring, an infidelity expert, writes, “Healing from betrayal requires space, not forced proximity” (After the Affair, 1996). Research shows 45% of people cut off family after major breaches of trust (Family Process Journal, 2023).
Her mom’s guilt-trip is misplaced; true unfairness lies in expecting her to tolerate the intolerable. She might benefit from affirming her stance calmly, perhaps with therapy to process the grief, but her current path is valid.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
Reddit users overwhelmingly supported her, calling her NTA for prioritizing her peace over forced civility. Many were stunned her mom would even ask, seeing it as favoring the sister’s comfort over her pain. Several praised her maturity in stepping back rather than stirring drama, while others questioned why her mom tolerates the sister and ex’s actions. The consensus was clear: she’s not wrong to opt out, and her family’s pressure is the real unfairness.
This family dinner dilemma reveals the lasting sting of betrayal and the strength to choose solitude over pretense. Her refusal to attend isn’t about punishing her mom—it’s about self-respect in the face of her sister’s actions. Was she right to embrace exclusion, or should she bend for family harmony? How do readers handle irreparable family rifts—cut ties, fake it, or negotiate? Share your thoughts on navigating loyalty and loss.
