32M parter does not like my 32F child receiving gifts?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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Picture a cozy living room, where a single mom sips coffee, her 4-year-old giggling over a toy catalog, eagerly awaiting birthday surprises. But tension simmers as her partner of less than a year paces, his brows furrowed over news that the child’s biological father is sending gifts. For this 32-year-old mom, these packages are a small blessing—extra treats for her kid without stretching her budget. Yet, her partner sees a threat, stirring a storm of jealousy and control that leaves her questioning where to draw the line.

This Reddit saga, plucked from the AITA realm, captures a raw slice of modern parenting and relationship drama. It’s a tale of clashing boundaries, where a child’s joy hangs in the balance. Readers can’t help but lean in, wondering: is it just gifts, or is something deeper at play? Let’s dive into the story and unpack the Reddit hive mind’s take.

’32M parter does not like my 32F child receiving gifts?’

I 32F and my partner 32M are in a disagreement. We have been together less than a year. I am a single parent of a 4YO child who's never met their father and does not have any relationship with him. Bio dad (BD) is in contact with me, but does not wish to pursue any relationship with our shared child. This is fine.

This works for us. He lives across the country. BD sent gifts to my home for my child last Christmas, and it worked out well. My child received additional items that I would not necessarily have been able to afford all on my own. My child's birthday is coming soon, and BD would like to send gifts. My partner is not okay with this.

I informed him of the incoming packages so he is not completely blindsided, as my contact with BD has been an issue in the past. He does not like me speaking to BD or sending photos, frequent updates, etc. Since this issue came up I have cut down substantially on our contact, however I do send him medical documents, updates, etc., when they are relevant.

When I let my partner know about the gifts, he asked me why BD knows our address, said he needed to think, and said he is not interested in being in a 'triangle'. He asked me why I want him sending things and that this makes 'zero sense' as to why I would allow this.

My response was that I did not understand how sending birthday gifts was a problem, it would be no different than if BD just sent me extra cash to buy the gifts. My partner said birthday gifts come from people who are close, like friends or family. He also asked me why I didn't ask him before BD purchased the gifts.

He ended up saying he cannot rationalize this in his head and it does not make sense to me, but it does not make sense to me why it's an issue. I see it as saving me money and my child getting what they want.. So, Reddit, what is your take?. Edit: my partner commented below, throwrasneakycrab.

This tale of birthday gifts turning into a battleground is a classic case of insecurity clashing with co-parenting realities. The mom’s attempt to keep things amicable with her child’s biological father (BD) is reasonable, but her partner’s reaction screams control. Let’s break it down with a touch of wit and wisdom.

The core issue? OP’s partner views BD’s gifts as an intrusion, perhaps a challenge to his role. Meanwhile, OP sees them as practical—a win for her kid. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, “Jealousy often stems from insecurity, but it becomes toxic when it demands control over a partner’s actions” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the partner’s insistence on cutting contact with BD suggests he’s more focused on his ego than the child’s happiness.

This situation reflects a broader issue: navigating co-parenting in new relationships. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Issues found that 60% of step-parents struggle with boundaries when ex-partners remain involved (Journal of Family Issues). The partner’s discomfort is human, but his demands cross into controlling territory, especially after less than a year together.

What’s the fix? OP could set firm boundaries, calmly explaining that BD’s gifts are for her child, not a romantic overture. Couples counseling could help her partner unpack his insecurities. Dr. Gottman advises “open dialogue to build trust,” which could ease tensions.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s finest didn’t hold back, serving up a spicy mix of outrage and advice. Here’s a peek at the top takes from the community:

jamicam − You and the bio dad have figured out an arrangement that works in terms of parenting. Now this bf of less than a year thinks he can come in and make demands to change that? He's ridiculous. Don't date controlling stupid men.

rapt2right − Of course your child should be getting gifts from her biological father! It's sad that he currently doesn't want to build a relationship with her but at least cards & gifts keep the door open and make him 'the guy who lived far away ' instead of 'the d**k who completely ignored my existence' when she gets older and starts asking harder questions.

(No, gifts are not a substitute for a relationship but they are proof, tangible proof, that she hasn't just been forgotten and that's a better place to begin). As for your boyfriend of less than a year,...your parenting arrangements with your child's father are none of his business and it's complete b**lshit that he wants to interfere with the already tenuous ties between your daughter and her father.. Get rid of this possessive clown.

Mother_Tradition_774 − Why are you even discussing this with him? It’s none of his business. You’re the parent, not him. If you have decided that it’s ok for your daughter to receive gifts from her father, your bf needs to respect that. You should not be altering your communications with your child’s father based on what your bf thinks. If you’re comfortable sending regular updates and photos, keep sending them. Your bf needs to grow up and stop being controlling.

crazymastiff − Less than a year and he’s making demands about your child’s relationship with their father. F**k him. Run

elle-elle-tee − Good lord, DO NOT DATE THIS MAN. He is not only jealous and controlling of YOU but is trying to discourage you from sending updates and photos? BF is actively trying to interfere in BDs RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS CHILD. And to deprive your child of gifts they may want/need simply out of his own jealousy??

Not only the gifts, but the knowledge that their bio dad cares about them. THAT is the worst and most damaging part. Your current partner is putting his own insecurity and need for control above your child, which will hurt them both monetarily and emotionally.

As a good mother, you should not be involved with a man who is so callou8and selfish. After less than a year, this behaviour will only get worse. I'd be surprised if this is the only way your child is being affected by this relationship.

Expensive-Day-3551 − What’s best for your child? That’s all that matters. Your partner sounds insecure and immature.

cynical_overlord1979 − Your boyfriend sounds abusive. Going through your phone and accusing you (however subtly) of infidelity based on communication about shared parenting issues is awful. If “sharing the address” is a problem it implies he thinks it is not your home but only his. Boyfriend sounds awful. I know it is a reddit trope, but he sounds like bad news and I think you need a plan to leave.

He seems to be interpreting any contact with bio dad as romantic interest on your part and this is ridiculous. Your child has 2 parents, even if one of them is relatively uninvolved. There will be contact between you and bio dad regarding your child and he needs to be ok with this or walk. Expecting no contact or constant consultation is ridiculous.

NoeTellusom − Your boyfriend is following the same pattern of my stepfather. He hid and sent back presents, cards, books, and even turned down the college money and car the child plan required of my bio father in the divorce promising he would cover it.

He did NOT in fact cover it - it took me 10 years to get a Bachelors because I had to earn the money to go to college while going part-time, all while driving junkers I paid through the nose for. Your SO is a spoiled, selfish, j**kass who is trying to compete with a man who isn't even in the competition. He is actively working to undermine and destroy the good partnership you both have, as well as any feelings your son may have towards his bio father.

FairyCompetent − Why are you living with a man you've been with for less than a year? Why have you allowed him to dictate the terms of your co-parenting? That's entirely inappropriate. This man has been around for a sneeze of time, has made zero commitments and thinks he's the boss of your child's life? Respectfully, f**k all the way off with that. He's just a man, this is your child we're talking about. Your child comes first, and until he's more than mom's boyfriend he can sit down. 

BeTheGoodOne − Hey, OP's partner: Get the F**K over yourself and back off from OP's parenting. It is not your child. OP and her child's BD have an amicable relationship that allows the him to continue to be in the child's life. The OP has made it VERY CLEAR to us that she has made it VERY CLEAR TO YOU that there is no chance of them two getting back together. Ease off of her ass and stay the F**K out of her phone unless she voluntarily offers. Respect boundaries or leave the relationship.

Whew, talk about a Reddit roast! These opinions are fiery, but do they cut to the heart of the matter, or are they just fanning the drama flames?

This Reddit tale leaves us with a thorny question: when does a partner’s discomfort become a dealbreaker? The mom’s trying to do right by her kid, but her boyfriend’s jealousy is throwing up red flags faster than a matador’s cape. It’s a messy, human story that begs for perspective. What would you do if you were caught between your child’s joy and a partner’s insecurities? Drop your thoughts below—let’s keep the conversation rolling!

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