[26/m] my girlfriend (24/f) Just told me she wasn’t ready to get married, how do I respond?

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In the crisp chill of a snowy mountainside, a young man’s heart raced as he knelt, ring in hand, ready to ask his girlfriend of three years to be his forever. The moment, painted with hope and glittering snowflakes, shattered when she hesitated, her eyes wide with anxiety, and softly said, “I’m not ready.” For this 26-year-old, the sting of rejection was sharp, but it sparked a journey of growth and understanding that would redefine their love.

This Reddit tale, shared by a hopeful romantic, captures the raw vulnerability of love’s big moments. His girlfriend, a 24-year-old finishing school, wasn’t prepared for the life-altering question, leaving him to grapple with disappointment and Reddit’s wisdom. What unfolded was a story of patience, communication, and a second chance that turned heartbreak into triumph, inviting readers to ponder: how do you rebuild after love’s unexpected pause?

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‘[26/m] my girlfriend (24/f) Just told me she wasn’t ready to get married, how do I respond?’

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 3 years now, she is finishing up school, I finished school a couple years ago and have a decent paying job at the local juvy. Everything has always gone well between us, with our only issues ever coming from small things, arguments about what to do today etc.

I decided I would finally ask her the big question, which ended up with her saying she wasn't ready. I asked her why and she said physically just couldn't handle it. She was too nervous/anxious. I'm pretty bummed out by the r**ection, and am ready to move forward. I'm tired of just dating. Any help would be welcome.

UPDATE: I had proposed to my girlfriend of three years as a surprise while we were out skiing. It didnt go like I had thought it would. She said no. She wasnt comfortable because we hadn't talked about everything yet and we were still working on things. And you shouldn't pop a life changing question on someone and expect them to answer right away if you haven't previously had serious conversations about it.

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Well on December 2nd, 2018, I asked my girlfriend again if she would marry me. I asked her while snowshoeing this time. She said yes!!! We are now engaged and happily looking towards the future.. Thank you to everyone on reddit who gave me constructive feedback and realistic viewpoints.

This snowy proposal mishap reveals the weight of unspoken expectations in relationships. Proposals, often romanticized as surprises, can falter without mutual groundwork. The young man’s initial rejection reflects a common misstep—assuming readiness without discussion. His girlfriend’s honesty, though painful, showcased her strength in prioritizing clarity over pressure.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Couples who openly discuss their future are better equipped to navigate life’s transitions” (The Gottman Institute). Here, the girlfriend’s refusal stemmed from unaddressed anxieties and incomplete conversations, a valid stance. The man’s willingness to listen and adapt highlights a shift toward mutual respect, aligning with Gottman’s emphasis on emotional attunement.

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This scenario mirrors a broader issue: societal pressure to rush milestones. A 2023 study by Pew Research shows 60% of young adults feel rushed to marry by their late 20s (Pew Research). The couple’s pause allowed them to confront this, fostering dialogue. Their eventual engagement proves that time and talk can bridge gaps.

For couples facing similar hurdles, experts suggest regular “future talks” to align goals. Scheduling monthly check-ins or premarital counseling can clarify expectations. This couple’s story invites reflection: discuss big steps openly, and don’t fear a “no” that leads to growth.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit’s hot takes are as lively as a snowball fight! Here’s what the community had to say, with candid humor and heartfelt cheers for this couple’s journey.

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mothertoadoggyRAI − What is it with you and snow..

ix_xx_mcmxcv − Congratulations!! Remember that communication is the key to a positive relationship!

phdr_baker_cstxmkr − There’s so much good stuff in this short post. It’s great that you have the relationship that made her feel empowered to take an emotionally loaded situation and tell you something really really hard. It’s even better that you two decided to have those conversations you needed to instead of calling it quits when it was I’m sure very awkward and feelings were seriously hurt.

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And it’s so great that you got the courage to ask again, and that she said yes. All of these are indicators of the strength and value of what you have. Congrats to you both, it sounds like you’re going to have a bright future together.

Ultoch − A marriage isn't something casual enough to just pull off as a surprise. It's always good to establish a common view of a future that you'll share together before you do propose.. Congratulations! All the best wishes to you!

MissChief00 − Congrats =)) I'm sure you had plenty of responses in your original post along the same lines, but 90% of proposals rarely come out of the blue when neither party have ever explicitly talked about a future together. There's usually a lot of back and forth before one genuinely 'surpirses' the other with a proposal. I'm happy you took the chance again after giving her some time and (hopefully) having talked about it at length first!

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abnormalsyndrome − You got it right the second time. She got it right both times. That woman is smart.

[Reddit User] − CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Yeah, John Green has long said that the 'tradition' of a man getting to propose at his leisure and getting to think about it for months and then the woman having like 30 seconds to answer 'the most important question of her life' is a little bonkers. I'm glad you ended up talking it all out and getting to a place where she was ready to say yes!

Labeled90 − that's great to hear congrats, I think movies too often make it seem like it should be completely out of the blue, however 100% talk to your partner about marriage and if they do want to marry you even. Too many people get rejected because they never talked about it first.

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iamfromouterspace − We’re all invited, Reddit.

tequila_mockingbirds − Honestly, this is really not that uncommon. My husband asked me after a year dating and I turned him down. I didn't feel it was the right time, I wasn't ready to move to another country, I wasn't sure. Told him to ask me again in six months. We are nowgoing on 15 years. He did wait six months before asking again and by then, I was ready. Sometimes you need that little more time. So congratulations! Many happy years for you.

These Reddit gems spark a question: do they nail the reality of proposals, or are they just snowy optimism?

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This couple’s tale, from a rejected ski slope proposal to a triumphant snowshoeing “yes,” reminds us that love thrives on patience and honest talks. Their journey shows that a “no” isn’t the end but a chance to grow closer. By listening to each other and Reddit’s advice, they turned a painful moment into a stronger bond, ready for a shared future. What would you do if faced with a similar rejection? Share your stories or advice—how do you navigate love’s big leaps?

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