WIBTAH if we told our 20 year old to move out and why?

Family dynamics can get messy, especially in blended households. A 26-year-old woman shared on Reddit her frustration with her boyfriend’s 20-year-old son, Alex, who’s been living with them for six months. Despite clear rules—clean up, save money, keep dangers away from their toddler and newborn—Alex slacks off, spends on unhealthy stuff (w**d), and even botched their emergency aid application.

His behavior strains their finances and relationship. Now, they’re considering asking him to leave, but worry about his future. Would they be wrong? Let’s unpack with expert insights and Reddit’s take.

‘WIBTAH if we told our 20 year old to move out and why?’

OP described their household and Alex’s move-in:

Alex’s failure to comply caused tension:

A critical failure pushed them to the edge:

OP and Dave are torn about next steps:

This couple’s dilemma highlights the challenges of blending families under financial and emotional stress. Alex’s failure to follow basic rules—cleaning, saving, or helping with critical tasks like the aid application—shows a lack of responsibility that burdens OP and Dave. His disregard, especially after agreeing to help post-baby, exacerbates their hardship, particularly after OP’s traumatic C-section. Dave’s love for his son complicates the decision, but Alex’s behavior risks the well-being of their young children.

Dr. Patricia Papernow, a stepfamily expert, notes, “Blended families require clear boundaries and mutual respect, especially when adult children live at home” (Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships, 2013). The age gap between OP (26) and Alex (20) likely fuels tension, as he may see her as a peer, not an authority figure. Dave’s failure to enforce rules as the primary parent may also undermine OP’s position, creating a dynamic where Alex feels untouchable.

From Alex’s perspective, he might resent the new family structure or feel aimless at 20, but his actions—spending on non-essentials and ignoring urgent requests—show immaturity, not just youthful struggle. Most would agree that asking a freeloading adult to leave isn’t unreasonable, especially when their behavior jeopardizes the family’s stability.

OP and Dave should have a firm, united talk with Alex: “We love you, but your actions are harming our family. You have one month to follow the rules or find another place.” Dave must lead this conversation to maintain authority. They could offer support, like connecting Alex to job resources or therapy, but should prioritize their kids’ needs. A written agreement or legal eviction notice might be necessary if Alex resists. Counseling could help address underlying family tensions.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit was split, with most supporting OP but some highlighting the tricky family dynamics.

Many backed asking Alex to leave:

Some emphasized Dave’s role:

Others criticized Alex’s irresponsibility:

Some questioned the broader dynamic:

A few offered practical advice:

This couple’s struggle with Alex shows how blended families can strain under broken agreements and financial stress. Reddit leans toward supporting a move-out request, but the age gap and family dynamics complicate things. Should they give Alex an ultimatum with a deadline or seek counseling first? What’s your take? Drop your thoughts below, and best wishes to OP for navigating this tough spot!