WIBTAH if I told my (M46) kids (M16) (F18) their recently deceased mother (F44) cheated on me?

A month after his wife’s sudden death in a car crash, he uncovered a devastating truth: she was having an affair and planning to divorce him, even scheming to turn their kids against him. Reeling from the betrayal, he’s torn about telling his teenage children, wanting them to know their mother wasn’t the saint everyone believes. But would this hurt them more?

His therapist warns that now isn’t the time, as the kids are still grieving. Online reactions are split, with most urging silence to protect the children, while some say the truth could come out later. Is he wrong to consider revealing her infidelity? This story has sparked heated debates about truth, grief, and parenting.

‘WIBTAH if I told my (M46) kids (M16) (F18) their recently deceased mother (F44) cheated on me?’

It began with his wife’s sudden death:

He noticed her pulling away before she died:

He thought she was writing a book, but the truth was different:

He planned to honor her by publishing her book, but found a betrayal:

He discovered his wife’s affair and divorce plans:

Her plans deepened his pain:

This story lays bare the dual pain of loss and betrayal. Discovering his wife’s affair and her scheme to divorce him and alienate their children left the husband reeling, grappling with a desire to reveal the truth to his kids. His wish to expose her flaws stems from hurt, but the question remains: would sharing this now harm his grieving teens further?

Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross notes, “Grief is a complex process, and adding negative revelations can disrupt healing” (On Grief and Grieving). The man’s children, aged 16 and 18, are in a vulnerable stage, and learning of their mother’s infidelity could shatter their idealized image of her, causing lasting emotional harm. His therapist’s caution against “damnatio memoriae”—erasing her positive memory—is apt, as it could compound their trauma.

Still, the husband’s need to have his pain acknowledged is valid. Keeping this secret may leave him feeling isolated, especially as others praise his wife as a perfect mother and spouse. Instead of telling his kids, he should continue therapy to process his complex emotions and confide in trusted adults, like friends or family, to unburden himself without hurting his children.

In the long term, if his kids, as adults, ask about their mother or their parents’ relationship, he might share the truth sensitively, focusing on helping them understand without destroying her memory. For now, his priority should be supporting his kids through their grief, possibly through family therapy. He should also consult a lawyer to investigate “John” further and protect family assets, ensuring financial security for his children.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Many advised against telling the kids now:

Some agreed the truth could be shared later:

Some offered balanced views with alternative solutions:

Some questioned the story’s authenticity:

Learning of his wife’s affair and divorce scheme left the husband heartbroken, but telling his kids now could deepen their grief. His therapist and most online voices urge silence, at least for now, to protect his teens. Yet, his need to have his pain acknowledged is real, and therapy could help him navigate this complex loss.

Should he wait until his kids are older to share the truth? How can he support them while grappling with his own pain? Share your thoughts below and let’s keep this conversation going!