WIBTAH if I closed my bank account to stop getting my money stolen?

Money issues inside families often stay hidden, quietly building tension until something finally snaps. In this case, a 19-year-old college student began to realize that the money she worked for since her early teens was never truly hers to control. Living at home, juggling school and a part-time job, she thought she was doing everything right by contributing where she could.

Beyond the missing money, the real conflict lies in trust. Thousands of dollars were taken without permission, and the withdrawals kept happening year after year. As the situation grew harder to ignore, people across social media weighed in with strong opinions, blunt advice, and concern for her future. The question at the center of it all felt painfully simple: is protecting yourself wrong when the people taking advantage are your own parents?

WIBTAH if I closed my bank account to stop getting my money stolen?

It started years ago when the poster was just a teenager earning her first paycheck

Hello, I (19 female) live at home with my parents, I have two older siblings both moved out but one of which is still mostly financially reliant on my parents...

However I very quickly noticed that some of the money would be taken every one in a while, upon confronting my dad he said it was to pay some bills...

At first, she accepted the explanation and tried to be understanding

I understood and moved on but noticed I never really got paid back and more money was always taken. I got over it and realized that being an adult is...

I am now 19, in college living from home, with a semistable income and I am starting to get more upset as my money is continually drained without any permission.

The numbers began to feel overwhelming and deeply unfair

Now if it was minor amount it would be okay but as of December 2025 I have gotten 5k taken from my account without permission and practically forced to pay...

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I’m not able to work a lot because of school only about 20 hours a week and it’s not a high paying job, so the idea of how much money...

Despite already contributing, she feels trapped and unsure how to protect herself

I already pay for my share of insurances and help buy food for the house and don’t really know what else to do as this alone takes majority of my...

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So would I be the a__hole for closing access to my bank account to stop the money stealing, and would it cause problems with the relationship I have with my...

After receiving questions, she added more context and emotional clarity

Edit: I’ve had a few people ask some questions so figured I’d give a little more context. I pay for groceries every other week, pay for all my leftovers school...

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I don’t pay “rent” but have never been asked to and would if I meant I at least knew where my money was going. The reason I have yet to...

it’s hard not to feel like I’m making life harder on my father (at this point I have reason to believe my mom doesn’t know about this stuff).

I want to help cause they’re my parents and I’m fine doing so it’s just gotten to a point where I have practically no savings despite working since I was...

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I also have talked to my sister about this and she said he doesn’t take money from her and in fact I think the money for her rent is coming...

At this point in time I think my best choice of action is to have a conversation with him as we do have a decent relationship but I can’t do...

I’ll update when I can, and thank you all for encouragement, I really appreciate getting personal experience and blunt advice cause I feel like I was in denial that anything...

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From a financial and emotional standpoint, this situation places the young woman in an incredibly difficult position. On one hand, she wants to help her parents and maintain peace at home. On the other, her financial independence has been quietly stripped away without consent. That imbalance creates stress, guilt, and long-term instability, especially for someone still in school.

Looking at the father’s role, financial strain may explain the behavior, but it does not excuse it. Taking money without permission, especially from a child who is working limited hours, crosses a serious line. Families function best when expectations are clear. Silent withdrawals remove choice, transparency, and trust from the equation.

According to Dr. John Gottman of The Gottman Institute, “Trust is built in very small moments, and it’s broken the same way.” Financial trust is no different. When money disappears without discussion, the emotional impact often lingers far longer than the missing dollars.

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Practical solutions begin with protection. Opening a new account at a different bank, removing shared access, and monitoring credit reports are reasonable steps. If the family truly needs financial help, a clear monthly agreement would reduce resentment and confusion. Support should be discussed, not taken. At this stage, safeguarding her income is not selfish. It is a necessary step toward stability, adulthood, and long-term security.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Many users supported the poster, encouraging her to take immediate action to protect herself

Cheap_Theory1321 − Definately NTA just close the account and create a new one. Your Bank can help you with that.

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OkTechnician4610 − Open a new account & move your money. Don’t give anyone access to your account. Stealing from your child is an awful thing to do.

Disastrous_Bell7490 − Your dad is stealing. From his own child. NTA.

Flashy_blue-eyes − YWNBTA Please take all of your money and open your own account. You work hard for your money and deserve some respect.

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If your parents asked for your help it would be one thing. But to just blatantly take your money without even a discussion means that they have no respect for...

That is YOUR money and as a mom myself that has access to my kids' accounts I would never just take their money like that.

I understand that times are hard and in a pinch sometimes we need a bit of extra money, but it's constantly happening and that isn't right.

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Prior_Bath8431 − You will never be the AH. Your own father is stealing from you. Not even asking permission, just withdrawing without your knowledge, since you were a young teen.

This is a massive violation of trust and respect. It’s also a forced role reversal: parents should hold their children up, at the very least not pull them down.

Where will you ever get in life when the half of your paycheck that you should be saving and investing is always going missing? Will you ever buy a house...

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Building financial stability as a result of your own hard work is your God-given right and your father is criminally stealing from the fruits of your labor.

Disgusting behavior on the part of your dad. Get a new secret account and withdraw all but $20 from that account. If your dad confronts you, tell him to GFH....

Others acknowledged the emotional complexity while still urging firm boundaries

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gastropodia42 − Take them off the account. If they complain, tell them you need to plan for expenses.

Alternative-Dirt-887 − NTA at all thats your money right there and what your dad doing isnt okay protecting yourself financially is basic adult stuff. ..

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Big_Hurry8067 − NTAH! Firstly, just because they are your parents, doesn't mean they can take as they please. Boundaries should be respected by everyone.

Parents love to say, I brought you into this world. . I raised you, fed you and cared for you. .. yah that's because it is their responsibility as parents.

Children did not ask to be born and therefore did not put these responsibilities on their parents. It was and always will be a parent's choice to have children.

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Yes, you are their child, yes they take care of you, yes allot of money was spent on you because that's what is needed to live. . BUT taking something...

Change your bank account, tell your parents if they need money, they need to ask. But crossing a boundary and taking something without permission is stealing

and you're not okay with that! Parents should be respected and honored. But boundaries should also be respected.

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Sirregularguy − YTA to yourself. Do you realize if you got a new account at a different bank you would not have this problem?

When he asks about it, tell him something about fraud and you had to close it down. Tell him your are broke when he asks for money. Most 19 year...

Purple_Paper_Bag − NTA Your father is a thieving AH. I would recommend you open a new account at a different bank. You asked if it would cause problems with your...

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A few commenters added humor or blunt realism to cut through the tension

Nemphedisis − You would absolutely not be the a__hole and it’s already crazy that they’ve been doing that. Even if you had been a minor - actually ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU...

You didn’t make plans together or go “hey kid, if you want to contribute you can try to pay this and this amount if able a month” or something. No...

I also say close the account and get a new, but you have to be prepared for a fall out, I’m sorry. Your dads not gonna take it well, because...

It’s gonna strain your relationship but please, please, PLEASE know that it is NOT your fault and it never could be. You’re a victim in this and you setting boundaries...

oylaura − No! Immediately go to a different bank and make sure that they are not on any other accounts. Talk to someone at the new bank and tell them...

They can help you protect your assets. Also, get a hold of your birth certificate and any other legal documents, especially your social security card.

Put them in a safe place, maybe someone else's house, a trusted relative or a safety deposit box. Not to be alarmist, but if your father will steal from you,

it's entirely possible that they've incurred debt in your name without you even knowing it. Check all the credit bureaus. A lot of banks will allow you to do that...

org will also let you do it. Do everything you can to get out of that house. If your parents say it's important that you provide help financially,

work with them to come to an agreement on rent at a set amount. IMO, if you are in school, you should not have to pay rent. Every household is...

MizzyvonMuffling − Freeze your credit as well!

DangerousDuty1421 − Block your credit so your parents can't open credit cards in your name.

DazzlingPotion − Close the existing account, open a new account at a different bank and start using it instead.

This story highlights how complicated money can become when family boundaries blur. The young woman is trying to balance gratitude, fear, and self-protection, all while building a future with limited resources. While her father may be under pressure, taking money without consent has left lasting damage. Closing the account may strain relationships, but continuing as things are could cost her far more in the long run. What would you do if protecting your future meant upsetting the people closest to you?

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