WIBTAH if I break up with my fiancé after he said he won’t take care of me and our 3 mo old son while admitted at the hospital?

In a sterile hospital room, a new mother cradles her 3-month-old son, battling pneumonia, while her heart aches from a different kind of pain. Exhausted from sleepless nights and breastfeeding, she hoped her fiancé would step up during this crisis. Instead, he blames her for their baby’s illness, refuses to take leave, and leaves her to shoulder the burden alone. The sting of his words cuts deeper than the IV needles failing her son’s tiny veins.

This raw, emotional story unfolds in a haze of worry and betrayal, as a mother questions her future with a partner who chooses resentment over support. With her son now recovering, the weight of her fiancé’s actions lingers like a stubborn fog. Readers are drawn into this intimate struggle, wondering: can love survive when trust falters in the face of hardship?

‘WIBTAH if I break up with my fiancé after he said he won’t take care of me and our 3 mo old son while admitted at the hospital?’


Our 3 month old is admitted for pneumonia. He got it while visiting my family, and the reason why we were forced to visit is because I need help taking care of our son. We’ve been staying at fiancés home with his family since I gave birth and while his mom helps, she’s been out of town recently. The rest of his family does a little bit from time to time but it’s never really anything significant.

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He has a full time job so he can only truly help out on the weekends. I haven’t been sleeping well for a while because I’m exclusively breastfeeding and a few days ago I really felt like my body couldn’t handle the exhaustion anymore, so I asked my parents if we could stay over for a while. My parents are very hands-on grandparents. When the baby’s not feeding, they take him so I can rest.

Unfortunately one of them caught the flu and passed it on to my baby. And now he is admitted for pneumonia. My fiancé didn’t want him admitted, he wanted to bring him home and just give him meds orally but I persisted because the pedia strongly advised the need for IV antibiotics. Once at the hospital, things got worse because they had to try multiple times to get an IV line on him and kept failing.

Fiancé kept telling me it’s my fault for bringing him over to my parents and for agreeing to get him admitted. He was so distraught I saw him crying while holding our baby - it’s the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. Pedia says our baby might stay for a minimum of 3 days just until he gets the antibiotics and clears the infection. We might have to bring him home with the IV line and give the antibiotics at home.

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The problem is if his IV line gets blocked or gets out of vein, we’ll have to have it reinserted. I was supposed to finish my maternity leave this week but decided to extend my unpaid leave for one week. I have asked him to take a leave as well as he has plenty of leaves left, and also he has a 5-day mandatory leave he needs to fulfill.

But now he says he won’t do it, he’ll go to work and I should ask my family for help while our son’s in the hospital since it’s their fault he’s here. When he said it, I was so dumbfounded he would even consider saying these things, I just replied with “OK” and haven’t spoken with him since. He’s still in the hospital with us now but says he won’t be staying tomorrow.

When I ask him for simple things like, please pass me the water, or elevate the head of the bed - things I can’t do since I’m holding the baby - he does them begrudgingly. I’m so heartbroken by this. At a time when we should be supporting each other, he chooses to antagonize me in every step and decides to leave me hanging.

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I’m devastated that on top of worrying for our baby’s health, and being the primary caregiver, he springs all of this on me. I can’t help but think that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be and I don’t want a future like this. I know there will be many more difficult things we will have to go through in the future and it’s scary to think he’ll act this way when those times come.

I’m debating telling him that if he doesn’t take care of us during this time, he should consider the engagement off and my son and I will move out and stay with my family once he gets discharged. A huge part of me wants him to come around and for us to fix things. I haven’t told my family this yet because it would feel like the final nail in the coffin for our relationship if they know he’s acting this way.

A partner’s support during a child’s illness should be a given, yet this mother faces blame and abandonment. The original poster (OP) is stretched thin, breastfeeding every two hours and extending unpaid leave, while her fiancé prioritizes work and resentment over family. His refusal to take available leave and his begrudging attitude reveal a lack of partnership, while OP’s exhaustion underscores her need for support. Both perspectives clash: she seeks teamwork, he deflects with blame.

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This scenario reflects broader issues in co-parenting under stress. A 2021 study by the American Psychological Association found 63% of new parents report relationship strain due to unequal caregiving responsibilities (source). The fiancé’s behavior risks escalating this strain into a breaking point.

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, states, “In times of crisis, couples either turn toward each other or turn away. Turning away erodes trust” (source). Here, the fiancé’s blame and refusal to help signal a dangerous turn away, leaving OP to question their future. His emotional absence could foreshadow ongoing neglect, especially in future challenges.

Advice: OP should prioritize her and her son’s well-being, leaning on her supportive parents for now. A calm discussion with her fiancé, possibly with a counselor, could clarify his commitment. If he remains unsupportive, moving out may protect her mental health.

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These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit users didn’t hold back, delivering advice as sharp as a hospital needle. Here’s what the community had to say:

treat-7891 − Be glad you haven’t married to him yet and take this as a good glimpse of what could come in the future and decide is this what you want for the rest of your life.

Western_Detective942 − His baby is in the hospital and he is more worried about the blame game than being there for the baby. Stay with your parents, dump the guy, file legal paperwork for child support/custody and get yourself sorted with work/childcare/housing. This will not get better.

CatNtheHat042 − Remember, if ever you need medical help, this is the guy you would be counting on to call an ambulance for you. If you can’t trust him with your life, let alone your babies life, you really shouldn’t marry him. Also OP, you deserve a partner, not an antagonizer. NTA.

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Key_Two77 − He sounds like a complete jerk. It's your family's fault your child got sick? Even if that were true, you wouldn't have gone to your family's house if you had help and support at home. So, you could counter and say it's actually his fault. This is a glimpse of your future. He doesn't put you or your son as a priority. Stay with your family and take care of your son and yourself.. NTA

zeeelfprince − Hold on a damn minute He has leave, but is refusing to take it; you are so exhausted you had to go stay with your parents due to his negligence. And in his twisted logic, it makes sense to blame YOU? Also, i worked in a hospital (briefly, less than 3 months, phlebotomy, not nursing) and if your kids veins are not supporting an IV, he NEEDS to be there; pushing oral meds would NOT have helped (in my very non-expert opinion)

From what i learned drawing blood, that means your infant is likely dehydrated on top of having pneumonia; his pediatrition recommended the hospital ffs. And thats ignoring how hes treating you!. Hes an a**hole and an i**ot. NTA ETA, there are a lot of reasons ivs can be difficult to place; i wont speculate since, as stated, i am not a nurse.

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I will say that as a former phlebotomist, whenever we had 'hard draws' the first thought was dehydration, which is why i brought it up Either way, the inability to place IV's is usually an indication that a patient, especially one that young, should be under observation. At least imo

Amazing-Wave4704 − Dont just debate it and dont just tell him. The wedding should be OFF. Ask your parents if you can move in with them.

Pleasant-Koala147 − Let’s be clear on what the issues are here: 1. You’re struggling to take care of your mutual child because he doesn’t help you during the week. He only helps you on the weekends because he “works full time” despite the fact you’re on call 24 hrs a day for the baby. 2. He has leave and could have taken some to help you sleep and take the more than full time load off you for a bit, but did not.

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3. This left you in a position where you were forced to seek help from your parents. He was the reason you were at your parent’s house in the first place. 4. Despite the fact your child was dangerously sick, and against the advice of the doctor, he didn’t want to seek treatment for your mutual child.

5. After not supporting you to the point where you were forced to seek support elsewhere, he’s now decided he’s justified in not supporting you going forward. Despite the fact that it was his lack of support that put you all in this position. I’m going to say this as kindly as I can, but this is not the man.

He’s just shown you who he is. He will not support you, nor your child. His feelings are more important to him than either of you. You deserve better. Your child deserves better. When your son is released, go back to your parent’s house and get help to get your thing out of his family’s place.

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Prize-Pop-1666 − Ask to speak with the hospital social worker. Discuss your exhaustion, that you have no help, explain everything! They can help you get resources to assist you with this. Your parents sound great, call them to come sit with you and the baby. You need to take care of yourself too, babies feed off your energy.. Your NTA. Get the resources, documentation, and do what’s best for you and the baby.

No_Jaguar67 − NTA he’s going to bring this up every chance he gets

manatheacct − NTA- marriage is through sickness and health and if he ain’t showing that now he never will, don’t make the mistake and think things will get better they won’t he has resentment of your family it shows. You guys are suppose to be a pair against the craziness in the world and he’s acting like a brat so ask yourself do you have one child or two?

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These passionate takes light up the debate, but do they fully capture the complexities of love and parenthood under pressure?

This mother’s hospital ordeal reveals a stark truth: partnership shines brightest in crisis, but absence can shatter trust. With her son on the mend, OP faces a crossroads—mend her engagement or walk away for her and her child’s sake. Her story resonates with anyone who’s felt alone in a storm. What would you do if your partner left you to face a crisis solo? Drop your thoughts and experiences below to keep the conversation going!

The author has added an update to the article.

UPDATE: He’s (3 mo) already discharged and we’re going home! Just wanted to update everyone who wished him well. I didn’t expect this post to blow up so much I couldn’t even read all of the comments. I genuinely thank you all for being a source of comfort in this trying time. As for the relationship, I decided to focus on the little one first and get him through this sickness before I tackled the issue.

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I am a walking ball of tired right now but I am happy that he has gotten well enough to be discharged from the hospital. I am seriously considering all of your advice on how to move forward, but I just don’t want to do anything definitive right now because I have no mental capacity to do so.

I saw some commenters saying they’ve been in abusive relationships and I want to send you all a quick hug and hope that everything’s alright with you now. As for those who think I’m TAH because I can’t take care of my son on my own, let me just say that not all infants are the same, mine is still feeding every 2 hours day and night.

Also, I believe that it’s not a failure as a parent if you ask from help from others when taking care of your kid - as they say, “you cannot pour from an empty cup,” and that’s what I felt when I asked for help from my parents. I think this is where I’ll end this, I’m going to rest and take time to clear my head before making any decisions. Thank you so much, everyone.

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