WIBTAH For Ending Things Over My Girlfriend’s History With My Relationship Nemesis?

There’s nothing like a company party to shake the dust off a relationship—and in this case, stir up some serious emotional baggage. What was supposed to be a fun evening of mingling turned into a silent gut-punch when a man met his girlfriend’s coworker… and realized he was that guy—the one who helped destroy his last relationship.

Two years ago, his ex cheated with a man named Mike. Now, Mike has reappeared in his life through an unexpected connection: his current girlfriend, Kelly, used to be friends-with-benefits with him. She didn’t know Mike’s role in OP’s past, and once she found out, she was genuinely shocked and assured him it was long over. But the damage to OP’s peace of mind may already be done. So, would he be the bad guy for ending things over something she can’t change?

‘WIBTAH for breaking up with my new gf because she was fwb with the guy my ex cheated on me with?’

Sometimes life hands you strange, movie-script-level coincidences, and you’re left wondering: “Is the universe trolling me?” In this story, OP finds himself unexpectedly face-to-face with his relationship nemesis, only to discover his new girlfriend once had a casual relationship with him.

Let’s unpack the emotional minefield. OP isn’t upset because Kelly cheated—she didn’t. His discomfort stems from trauma, not betrayal. It’s the resurfacing of betrayal by association that’s haunting him. And while Kelly is not to blame for something that happened years ago, his brain is now wiring her to the same pain point. It’s messy. It’s irrational. It’s human.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula says: “When our current relationships activate trauma from our past ones, we experience a distortion of reality. The key is to recognize whether it’s the situation or your unresolved wounds talking.” (source)

This is one of those times where both things can be true: Kelly did nothing wrong, and OP is still valid in feeling uncomfortable. The real question is whether he wants to—and can—work through that discomfort, or whether the association is too strong to unsee. Just because someone’s innocent doesn’t mean the relationship isn’t affected.

On a broader level, this story touches on the concept of emotional triggers and the permanence of trauma scars. According to a 2022 report from the American Psychological Association, nearly 60% of people say unresolved emotional pain from previous relationships affects how they connect in new ones. (source)

So, what should OP do? First, he needs to be honest—with himself and with Kelly. If this connection is something he can’t move past, then walking away isn’t villainous—it’s honest. But if he still values the relationship, couples therapy or personal introspection might help untangle trauma from reality.

Ultimately, love isn’t just about what someone did—it’s also about what you can live with. If seeing Mike triggers distress that Kelly can’t fix, ending things might be the kindest move for both of them.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Redditors were surprisingly balanced on this one. Many empathized with OP’s emotional whiplash, noting that it’s perfectly reasonable to feel shaken by this kind of coincidence. As one user bluntly put it, “You got the ick—and there’s no cure for that.” Others reminded OP that Kelly didn’t do anything wrong, and breaking up with her wouldn’t make her the villain, but it also wouldn’t make him one either.

Some were more cynical (and hilarious), suggesting OP should start asking every new partner if they’ve ever “f—ed Mike.” Others sympathized deeply, saying they too would struggle to get past it. Overall, Reddit acknowledged how emotional trauma doesn’t always follow logic, and while it may seem unfair to Kelly, OP’s feelings are still valid.As one wise commenter noted, “You don’t need a reason to leave. But you need to be at peace with the reason you choose.”

Relationships can be wonderful, but they’re also unpredictable terrain—especially when the past shows up wearing a nametag at your girlfriend’s office party. While Kelly may be innocent in this twist of fate, OP’s pain is rooted in lived experience. Is it fair to hold her history against her? Maybe not. But is it unfair to feel uneasy about it? Not at all.

This is one of those moments where introspection is key. OP has to decide: is this a trigger he can process, or a dealbreaker he can’t ignore? What would you do if your new partner had a history with someone who hurt you deeply—even unknowingly? Would it be too much to overlook, or a challenge worth navigating? Let us know in the comments!