WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister’s wedding because I can’t bring my girlfriend as my +1?

Jonathan Hours
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A single wedding invitation can spark joy or shatter hearts, and for one woman, it’s the latter. Handed to her in person by her sister, the envelope came with a sting: no plus-one for her girlfriend of two years. While her siblings can bring their partners, she’s expected to attend alone to avoid drama with her sister’s fiancé’s anti-gay family. The hurt is raw, the unfairness glaring.

This isn’t just about a party—it’s about being asked to hide who you are. Torn between love for her sister and pride in her relationship, she’s considering skipping the wedding. The Reddit community’s buzzing with opinions, and this story’s got us all thinking about family, loyalty, and standing up to prejudice. Let’s dive into her dilemma and see if staying home makes her the bad guy.

‘WIBTA if I refuse to go to my sister’s wedding because I can’t bring my girlfriend as my +1?’

I'm a lesbian, and I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. My family, including my sister, is all fine with me being gay and supportive of my relationship. However, her fiancé comes from a very regressive and religious family, and while he himself is fine, his extended family is very traditional and anti-gay.

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My sister gave me my invitation in person instead of mailing it, and explained that I wasn't getting a +1 because having a gay couple at the wedding would likely end up causing lots of drama with his side of the family. All my other siblings have +1s and are welcome to bring their (hetero) partners. I understand where she's coming from, but it still feels like such a slap in the face.

I'm not going to try and force her to give me a +1, but I'm seriously considering not going. I love my sister, but I'm not comfortable spending a whole day alone, while my other siblings are allowed to bring their partners, just because my sister wants to cater to a bunch of bigots.. I haven't said anything to anyone yet, but if I so stay home, would I be the a**hole?

Weddings should unite, but this one’s dividing a family. The Reddit user’s sister is stuck in a tough spot, trying to keep peace with her fiancé’s bigoted relatives while hurting her sibling. The user’s urge to skip the wedding is a stand for her identity, though it risks family friction. Choosing in-laws’ comfort over a sister’s dignity? That’s a bitter pill.

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Homophobia in family gatherings isn’t rare. A 2021 Pew Research study notes 59% of Americans support same-sex marriage, yet resistance lingers in conservative circles. This exclusion mirrors a broader struggle for acceptance, where loved ones sometimes bend to prejudice. The user’s pain is justified—her relationship deserves equal respect.

Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes authenticity: “The greatest gift you can give your partner is your authenticity” (Gottman Institute). Excluding the user’s girlfriend undermines this, suggesting love comes with caveats. Gottman’s insight highlights the need for mutual respect, and the sister’s choice fails that test. The user’s potential absence might push her sister to rethink her priorities.

Try an honest talk: “I feel erased when my partner’s not welcome.” Propose warning the fiancé’s family upfront to ease tensions. If that’s a no-go, prioritize your well-being—sometimes, stepping back speaks loudest.

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Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit’s serving up some bold opinions, and they’re not mincing words! The community’s got the user’s back with a mix of support and shade. Check out their thoughts:

photosbeersandteach − NTA. You deserve to be treated with equal respect as your other siblings. Your sister is the AH for siding with her h**ophobic in laws and going through with marrying someone who would demand that he sister be treated with such disrespect.

Exactly how long does your sister expect you to exclude your partner or any future partner from large family events to cater to her in laws? If they have kids, will you be allowed to have a relationship with them, will they attend your wedding, what about holidays?. I’m sorry you’re being treated this way.

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CaroB_Melt − NAH. As a gay man, I understand how that feels. But, your sister can invite whoever she wants. You also can decline the invite since she is excluding your partner.

I personally wouldn't go either. I'd tell your sister I understand she is in a difficult position, but she is putting you in one as well. I would also tell her that you're hurt that she wouldn't stand up for you in the face of bigotry.

4ke_ − NTA, you're not going to ruin a wedding if you bring your girlfriend. On the other hand, a bunch of bigoted old people can ruin it if they get offended by something that doesnt even remotely affect them. They should be the ones not going, not your partner.

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theshadowppl9 − NTA her in laws will figure out eventually that you are gay. Hiding that fact now is pointless. She should invite you and your partner and be proud to have you there. Her fiance should be supportive of that instead of his family's backwards way of thinking. Do what is right for you.. Edited for typo

Unit-Healthy − Skip it, and let them explain why. Nta.

ForwardPlenty − NTA IF other siblings are getting +1 and you are being excluded because of your gay partner, then you can politely decline. She is an a**hole most foul.

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Your sister is ready to hurt and insult you rather than rock the boat, because she knows you love her and will forgive her, but she wants to make a 'good impression' on her fiance's family. Your sister needs to learn to stick with principles. It's a really bad way to start a marriage, to toss your principles just to get on the good side of hateful people.

What she should do: Invite you both. If there's a problem, it's the fiance's family's problem. She should probably tell them in advance that you guys are coming together, so you're not faced with extreme unpleasantness once you're there. If she won't, you should absolutely decline to go. Let people know why.

That's important, because if you decline, they'll try spreading rumors about you. You're her SISTER. You're going to be in her life the rest of her life. What is she planning on doing in the future? Is she going to keep you in the closet when she wants to, say, celebrate Christmas with both families? She needs to take a stand, and if she won't, you are totally in the right to.

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Personal_Lavishness4 − NTA. They put a lot of thought into how to exclude your partner. They could have done the same effort to include.

Careful-Self-457 − NTA- take your girlfriend to the beach and have a nice day away from your future BIL’s toxic family. And shame on your sister for not standing her ground and telling THEM that if they cannot handle it and treat you and your girlfriend with respect that THEY can stay home!

[Reddit User] − YWNBTA Your sister is choosing her fiancé's family comfort over your identity. She's letting her fiancé's parents bigotry come first. That's not fair to you and you deserve better treatment.

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Also, what does she expect you to do at family get togethers? Not bring your partner anytime that fiancé's parents are at the event too? She's basically telling them that they're allowed to be bigots and she'll condone it and adjust to their needs before she lets you express your identity,

These takes are spicy, but do they nail the whole story? Weddings are messy, and so are families. Still, Reddit’s rallying cry for fairness hits home—love shouldn’t mean hiding who you are.

Where do you draw the line between family harmony and personal truth? This Reddit user’s story tugs at the heart, weighing sisterly love against the right to be seen. Skipping the wedding isn’t just a snub—it’s a stand against exclusion. If you were told to hide your partner to keep the peace, what would you do? Drop your thoughts in the comments, and let’s get this convo rolling!

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