WIBTA if I put a lock on my bedroom door so my GFs mother can’t sleep in our bed?
With a holiday on the horizon and a favor to watch their beloved cats, one couple finds themselves grappling with a surprisingly personal dilemma. The boyfriend (M30) is uneasy about his girlfriend’s (F27) mother and stepfather using not only the spare room bed but also their own bed during the week-long stay.
His discomfort stems from the idea of having a family member sleep in the private space that he and his girlfriend share. Although his girlfriend reluctantly agreed to the arrangement to keep the peace, he’s considering putting a lock on the bedroom door as a last-ditch effort to preserve their personal sanctuary.
This situation pits family courtesy against personal boundaries. While the parents were initially comfortable using alternative sleeping arrangements on previous visits, this extended holiday plan has pushed him to question what is acceptable.
His internal conflict raises an important question: if you’re uncomfortable with a proposed arrangement—even one that comes as a favor—do you enforce your boundaries with a physical barrier, or do you seek a more open conversation first?
‘WIBTA if I put a lock on my bedroom door so my GFs mother can’t sleep in our bed?’
Setting boundaries in relationships, especially when extended family is involved, is both essential and delicate. Relationship expert Dr. Emily Larson explains that clear communication is key when personal spaces are threatened by external influences. In situations like this, the urge to protect one’s personal space is understandable, but enforcing boundaries without prior discussion can lead to further conflict and resentment.
Dr. Larson notes, “It’s not only about what you do, but how you communicate it—using a lock may feel like a quick fix, but it often comes off as passive-aggressive rather than a constructive solution.”
Experts suggest that when family dynamics challenge your comfort zone, the first step is to have an honest conversation with your partner about your boundaries. Together, you can approach the subject with her mother and stepfather before the holiday arrives. Explaining that the bedroom is your personal space, and suggesting alternatives—such as using a guest bed or simply changing the sheets upon your return—may be a less confrontational route.
Moreover, many relationship counselors recommend that if you feel forced into an arrangement, you might want to reconsider accepting help if it disrupts your sense of home. The consensus among professionals is that while it’s completely valid to want privacy, it’s important to balance that need with respect for your partner’s family. A mutually agreed solution will help preserve trust and ensure that all parties feel respected, rather than alienated by unilateral decisions like installing a lock.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
The Reddit community’s responses were largely critical of the idea of simply locking the bedroom door. Many users argued that if the sleeping arrangement makes you uncomfortable, you should communicate your concerns openly rather than resorting to physical barriers.
Some pointed out that if your girlfriend has already agreed to the plan, unilaterally changing the arrangement could be seen as unfair or passive-aggressive. While a few mentioned that hiring a paid pet sitter might be a better alternative to avoid such conflicts, the dominant opinion was that a frank conversation would be a far more respectful and effective approach.
This dilemma invites us to consider how we set and enforce personal boundaries when extended family is involved. Is it fair to secure your private space with a lock, or would a transparent discussion yield a more harmonious solution? Can personal comfort coexist with the familial favor being offered? We’d love to hear your thoughts—what would you do in a similar situation? Share your experiences and ideas on how to best navigate the fine line between protecting personal space and maintaining family harmony.
