WIBTA if I made my flatmate pay for a new violin because her kids broke my old one?

A man living with a roommate and her three young children faced a frustrating situation after a costly personal item was destroyed in their shared home. The instrument, a violin worth thousands of pounds, had always been carefully stored away because the children in the household were known to treat many objects like toys. One small mistake changed everything.

After returning from work one evening, the man learned that the violin had been left in the living room earlier that day. During the short time it was unattended, the children discovered the case and damaged the instrument beyond repair. The roommate admitted what happened and appeared nervous while explaining the situation. What followed was an uncomfortable conversation about responsibility, money, and whether a parent should pay for something their children accidentally destroyed.

‘WIBTA if I made my flatmate pay for a new violin because her kids broke my old one?’

The poster shared a home with a roommate and her energetic children.

I (34m) share a flat with "Lauren" (29f) who has three children (7m; 4m; 4f). I pay 2/3 of the rent as well as for our maid. The kids are...

I'm also extra careful when it comes to keeping them away from my violin because it was expensive (£3000) and playing it helps me deal with stress.

One day he returned home to unsettling news about his instrument.

As I came home from work today, Lauren immediately asked me to talk and seemed very nervous. Apparently I forgot my violin (in its case) in the sitting room and......

From what Lauren told me, she was it the kitchen cooking dinner when she heard loud noises and when she came to see what they did, they've already damaged it...

A tense conversation followed about who should cover the cost.

I said that while I fully understand that she can't control every move they make, she's responsible for the damage they cause and therefore I think she should buy me...

The thing is, while I earn enough to be able to comfortably afford a good violin, Lauren lives from paycheck to paycheck.

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I suggested that she cancels her kids' extracurricular activities and doesn't take any more trips with them until the cost is paid off and she doesn't have to pay the...

but can do it in small portions over, let's say a year for example. Lauren then said I don't understand what it's like to be a parent, to which I...

While I think I shouldn't spend thousands of pounds because of something her children did, it's also rather unfair to make her do that while she lives from paycheck to...

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Situations involving shared living spaces often create complicated questions about responsibility, especially when children are involved. In this case, the damaged violin represents more than just an expensive item—it also holds emotional value for the owner, who uses music as a way to cope with stress. From one perspective, parents are generally expected to take responsibility for damage caused by their children. Teaching respect for other people’s belongings is part of raising kids, and roommates usually expect their property to be safe in shared areas of a home. If a child damages something valuable, many people believe the parent should step in to repair or replace it.

Another viewpoint focuses on the circumstances that allowed the accident to happen. The instrument was left in a common space where young children regularly play. Living with children often requires extra precautions, such as keeping fragile or expensive items securely stored. Supporters of this perspective argue that both adults share some responsibility because the risk was predictable.

This situation also reflects broader social tensions around mixed households. Adults without children may expect a certain level of order and respect for personal belongings, while parents are often balancing supervision, financial stress, and everyday chaos. The most practical solutions in these cases usually involve compromise, communication, and shared understanding about how responsibilities will be handled in the future.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Many users strongly supported the poster, arguing that parents must take responsibility for their children’s actions.

Dontcareatall246 − NTA, she apparently doesn’t know what it’s like to be a parent. A parent is RESPONSIBLE for their child’s actions,

and teaching them right and wrong and not to touch other people’s stuff. Show no mercy, she owes you the same violin.

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MinsAino − NTA This is a you break it you buy it situation. I get kids can be distructive i have 2 of my own. But they should also have...

Her lack of parenting resulted in the distruction of an expensive piece of equipment and I think what you suggested is fair.

[Reddit User] − Nta You share a house, so you should be comfortable enough to leave/forget items in the shared areas without being afraid they will ruin it.

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Sounds like she has another monthly cost added to her bills because she never taught her kids to have respect for other people's property.

She's lucky you don't move out, because finding a roommate while having 3 unruly kids would be even worse.

ParsimoniousSalad − Your kids break it, you buy it. You are being generous and practical with the repayment plan.

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Maybe the kids and Lauren could learn some consequences of such unchecked behavior if they realize they lose some fun activities to the expense. You shouldn't have to live in...

Glittering-War-5748 − I learnt to play violin from a young age I think 6/7. I knew better and treated the thing very carefully. These children must be very destructive to...

Maybe the 4 year olds get a minor pass, but unless they were intentionally whacking it about I don’t see how they damaged it so quickly. NTA

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Some readers took a more balanced stance, pointing out the shared living environment.

astrobuckeye − ESH I kind of feel like you should pay at least half. Yeah her kids shouldn't have broken it but you also left it out.

You for whatever reason have agreed to a living situation with small children which means you agree to childproofing shared spaces. And childproofing means making sure breakable stuff is kept...

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If the kids had ventured into your space and destroyed it then she would be fully responsible. But I can see other people feeling differently.

sheramom4 − ESH. You were incredibly irresponsible leaving the violin in the living room knowing the kids see things like that as toys.

Your suggestion of cancelling activities for young children is also ridiculous. You complain that they are active and then come up with make them less active? Terrible idea. Lauren has...

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The two of you should split the cost of the new violin. You can buy it and make arrangements for her to pay you back in payments.

Lacroix24601 − ESH. You accidentally left a very important item out where the children that share your residence had access to it.

If they had come into your room and broken it, it would definitely be all on your roommate but that’s not the case. Had you not left it out in...

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You need to be more careful. I tell my own kids this all the time. Everything has a home. When it isn’t in its home, that’s when bad things happen....

Others added lighter or humorous reactions to the unusual living arrangement.

Nihilophile − NTA but why on earth would a single guy live with a single mother with limited means and three rambunctious kids? Shouldn't you be finding more suitable, adult...

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bamf1701 − NTA. Kids that age should be able to understand the concept of other people's property as well as be able to handle things without destroying them.

Also, it is the responsibility of their parent to teach them these things and keep them under control. From what I gathered from your post, the kids have been this...

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It is her failure to teach the kids the appropriate behavior with other people's belongings. This is part of her responsibility not only as a parent but as a roommate.

Perhaps if she finally faces the consequences of the actions of her children she will buckle down and teach them some manners.

This story highlights the complicated dynamics that can arise when adults with very different lifestyles share a home. The destroyed violin represents both a financial loss and an emotional blow for its owner, while the roommate faces the difficult reality of being responsible for children whose actions can sometimes lead to unexpected consequences.

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Questions of responsibility remain divided. Some people believe parents must always cover damages caused by their children, while others argue that living with kids requires extra caution from everyone in the household. What would be the fairest solution in this situation? Should the roommate replace the violin entirely, or should the cost be shared because it was left in a common area?

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