WIBTA if I don’t pay for my girlfriends share of our annual trip because she still hasn’t paid her share from the last 2?

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Picture a cozy living room, travel brochures scattered on the coffee table, dreams of Scottish castles in the air. For one couple, trip planning should be a romantic escape, but it’s turned into a financial tug-of-war. When the man’s girlfriend casually assumes he’ll foot the bill for another adventure—while still owing him for two past trips—the mood sours faster than forgotten haggis.

This tale of love and ledger hits hard, blending romance with the gritty reality of money mismatches. As the man grapples with feeling like a piggybank, readers are left wondering: when does generosity become a one-way street?

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‘WIBTA if I don’t pay for my girlfriends share of our annual trip because she still hasn’t paid her share from the last 2?’

My GF and I (40’s) have been together quite a while, but we're on different pages financially. I make considerably more than her (but she has a healthy middle class income), and I'm also much better at managing my money. She has ADHD (medicated) and struggles with impulse spending. On top of this she comes from a well-off family who have historically not been shy about floating her cash when needed.

We live together and I pay about 2/3 - 3/4 of the household expenses so I feel we're equitable there Last year, we did two trips and I paid up front for them. We agreed on what her contribution to each was going to be (less than half the cost) and I put the tickets, accom's etc. on my card. She agreed to pay me back when she could.

To date she's made 1 small instalment on her share. I haven't hassled her about it because I understand her ADHD makes it hard for her to stick to budgets and  have been mostly content to let her pay it back on her own time as she had some credit card debt she wanted to pay off (I found out last week she has not moved significantly on the CC debt)

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I've been getting frustrated because it increasingly falls on me to pay for things that she should be contributing to. For example she hasn't contributed to a vet bill for our dogs in over 2 years. If I ask, she'll tell me she has no money for it, but seems to have enough money to order take-out for lunch most days.

We've talked about her spending in therapy together (finance is an ongoing subject) and our therapist has said that I’m going to have to draw a line in the sand and just say no at some point if she won't implement her own systems to manage her finances on her own. Last night, we were talking about me taking a flight to go visit my family (parents & sibs).

She asked where I was going to send her if I got to go for a flight and I was kind of speechless, and I just tried to laugh it off and made a joke along the lines of I was still waiting on help to pay off the last trip we went on. She said she didn't believe she had any debt, but would really like to go to Scotland for our next trip since we were talking about flights.

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I responded that I thought that would be great, and how much did she think she'd have saved to contribute to that trip and she said 'nothing, it's gonna be sponsored by BF.' Maybe she was joking around but it left a bad taste in my mouth. It's less about the money and more about the sense that she feels she shouldn't have to contribute that's really bothering me.

It's the feeling that I'm a piggybank rather than a partner. So - if I say I won't front the money for another trip somewhere until she starts honouring our existing agreements and contributing to the trip fund - WIBTA? I don't want to feel cheap and I want to do things with her, but feeling like a piggybank sucks.. Thanks

Money and love don’t always mix smoothly, especially when one partner treats the other like an ATM. The man’s frustration stems from clear agreements—his girlfriend promised to repay her share of past trips but hasn’t, now eyeing Scotland with a “sponsored by BF” quip. Her ADHD may complicate budgeting, but her takeout splurges and unpaid vet bills suggest entitlement, not just disorganization.

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Financial therapist Dr. Megan McCoy observes, “Unequal financial contributions can breed resentment if boundaries aren’t set.” The man’s 2/3 household cost coverage is generous, but her failure to honor debts shifts the dynamic from partnership to dependency. Studies show 40% of couples clash over finances, often due to mismatched expectations.

This issue reflects broader relationship imbalances. Dr. McCoy advises, “Clear, consistent boundaries are key.” The man should pause trip plans, request a repayment schedule, and split future costs upfront.

Check out how the community responded:

Reddit dove into this financial fiasco like it’s a Black Friday sale. Here’s the community’s take, served with a side of sass:

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conquistador62a − ADHD as an excuse to be a deadbeat is just that ... an excuse. Unfortunately, you set yourself up into this role a long time ago; now, your gf sees you as a pushover piggy bank. In a way, you really have nothing to complain about; you enabled her.

So now you have to decide whether you're going to stop doing that or move on. There is one positive thing about putting a stop to this: you're about to find out whether she likes you for you or you for your bank account.. God bless!

CPSue − The beauty of dating someone is that you can freely move on if you are in some way incompatible. You and your GF are not financially compatible. Money is a leading cause of divorce, so get ahead of it now and move on. ADHD is no excuse for what she’s pulling. If she can manage the responsibilities of her job well enough to stay employed, she can manage her responsibility to her partner. NTA

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kurokomainu − ESH Her, because she's taking the p**s. She doesn't pay you back because she knows that you are not serious about being paid back. You, because you have done your part in setting that expectation up. It's a bit late to be surprised now when she once again demonstrates that she believes that money she owes you stops being a debt at some point if you both ignore it for long enough.

If you want to change things you are going to have to make that clear and in all areas. Then you have to be serious and consistent about it and not just wait for her pay when she's ready to. Hint: she'll never be ready -- the goal is for the memory of the debt to float over the horizon, to disappear that way.

I responded that I thought that would be great, and how much did she think she'd have saved to contribute to that trip and she said 'nothing, it's gonna be sponsored by BF.'. Maybe she was joking around... Her latest move, I suspect, is less of a 'joke' and more her attempting to move things on to having you pay for her out in the open and the norm.

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If she takes your money, and doesn't pay you back, then spends the money she didn't give you on herself, she has managed to spend double the amount of money on herself. Add in CC debt she isn't paying back and that's more 'free' money.

As long as you are her piggy bank and safety net she won't have to worry about things crashing down on her. You'll step in and prevent that happening. All she needs to do is keep shifting things in the direction of you accepting the dynamic (hopefully unquestioningly) of you paying and her not.

Necessary_Screen1523 − NTA do exactly what your therapist advised. She definitely expects you to pay her bills. That isn't ADHD that seems to have turned to expectation.

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Consistent_Ad_805 − NTA, she isn’t joking. If she hasn’t paid in last / years then why should she expect to pay. In her mind it’s a precedent. You are already late for this but as your therapist said you do have to draw a line in sand.

Lending money always breaks friendships and relationships. You have to be clear, sit down and communicate properly. Tell her you can’t continue to contribute unless she pays back. Set up an automatic deduction from her bank account as a payment plan. 

sphscl − ADHD and entitlement do not go hand in hand. I think if you decide you want to continue the relationship, you probably need to let the debt go. You and I both know she's never going to pay you back. However, you would be perfectly justified in stating that if she wants to accompany you on future trips,she needs to save up her share in advance.

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If you're not doing last-minute trips,/she doesn't have notice and 3 months, for instance, would be enough for her to save up 1/4 to 1/3 of the amount that's not unreasonable at all.. Unfortunately, I think you g/f has developed a sense of entitlement. When you talk to her about this, she's either going to step back and look at her behaviour, or she's going to double down and call you cheap.. NTA

iAceofSpade − NTA. Op, you should reconsider this relationship. Stop paying for her trips or anything else if the expectation is that she is supposed to pay you back because you already know she won’t.

Ok_Day_8559 − NTA. Welcome to OP, ATM open for business?? Come on Dude. She doesn’t play for vet care, household expenses, trips or her cc debt. What the heck is she doing with her money? You have officially been in a relationship with a hobosexual. Get her out of your house and cut her off. Think about all the money you will save.

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BelliAmie − I don't understand why couples who need therapy and are not married stay together.. Isn't dating about finding out if you are compatible?. Most people divorce over s** or money.. You have a financial issue with your partner.. Using ADHD as an excuse is ludicrous!. Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are compatible long term.. Nta

Notnow12123 − You are so lucky she revealed her true character before you got serious. This is more than poor money management. She is self centered and uses the excuse of traditional gender roles to exploit you. There is no justification for promising to pay but having no intention of doing so.

These hot takes cut deep, but do they miss the mark? Is she a “hobosexual” or just financially clueless?

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This travel tale exposes the fault lines of love when money’s on the table. The man’s stand against being a piggybank raises a thorny question about fairness in relationships. What would you do if your partner expected a free ride while dodging old debts? Drop your stories in the comments—let’s unpack this wallet-sized drama!

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