WIBTA if I didn’t let my coworker stay at my house while I’m on vacation?

For the past year and a half, this generous host has been welcoming his coworker into his home two nights a week—a gesture born out of convenience during the COVID remote work era. However, with recent organizational policy changes mandating on-site work, this arrangement has persisted without any charge for rent or utilities.

Now, as vacation plans approach, the coworker has requested to stay at his place during his absence to avoid taking unpaid leave. This unexpected request has pushed him to his limits, leaving him feeling pressured by a routine that feels increasingly exploitative. The host’s discomfort isn’t about doubting his coworker’s intentions; it’s more about the imbalance that’s developed over time.

While friends and family assure him that he’s overreacting, he wonders whether it’s fair to ask someone to leave a space that’s rightfully his personal sanctuary—especially when the previous arrangement has already stretched his generosity to its breaking point.

‘WIBTA if I didn’t let my coworker stay at my house while I’m on vacation?’

I’ve been letting a coworker stay with me two nights a week for the past year and a half. She was essentially fully remote during Covid and ended up moving out of state. The end of 2023 our organization changed their policy, and all employees had to be on-site a minimum of two days per week… hence our current arrangement. She doesn’t pay rent or utilities. I wouldn’t feel right asking or even accepting if she offered.

She’s recently switched roles, and her PTO accrual reset. I’m going on vacation soon, and she wants to stay at my house while I’m out of town so she doesn’t have to take unpaid leave. I do NOT feel comfortable with this. It’s not that I think she will do anything n**arious, I just feel like she should find alternate accommodations if I’m not available.

I must admit I’ve been over this situation for a while. It’s a lot of pressure to feel like someone else’s job depends on your sacrifices. WIBTA if I told her she can’t stay here when I’m not here? Friends and family I’ve confided in tell me I’m overreacting.

Balancing generosity with personal boundaries can be challenging. Relationship and living situation expert Dr. Emily Jones notes, “It’s essential to maintain clear boundaries to protect your own space and well-being, especially when hospitality starts feeling like an obligation rather than a kindness.”

Dr. Jones emphasizes that while offering a place to stay is a kind gesture, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your personal comfort or autonomy. Effective communication is key in these situations. Experts recommend discussing your concerns openly with the coworker and your partner. Clarifying that your home is your personal sanctuary—not an extension of the workplace—helps set realistic expectations.

This conversation can include suggesting alternative accommodations like a nearby hotel or Airbnb, which respects both your needs and hers without compromising your peace of mind. Furthermore, it’s important to recognize that an arrangement meant to be temporary shouldn’t become a long-term dependency. Boundaries ensure that both parties maintain their independence.

As many counselors point out, insisting on alternate lodging for the duration of your vacation isn’t just about self-interest—it’s about preventing an unsustainable dynamic. When you prioritize your personal space, you encourage mutual respect and foster healthier living arrangements in the long run.

Heres what people had to say to OP:

The Reddit community largely agrees that the host is within his rights to set boundaries. Commenters point out that after 140+ nights of free accommodation, the coworker should have already arranged an alternative solution.

Many feel that the home is a personal space, not a permanent lodging facility for a coworker, and that it’s not fair to extend the favor further just because it’s convenient. The prevailing sentiment is that while generosity is commendable, it should never compromise your comfort or lead to being taken advantage of.

This situation highlights a common dilemma: balancing kindness with the need for personal space. Is it fair to ask someone to find alternative accommodations, even if they’re a coworker who has benefited from your hospitality? Or should you continue accommodating out of a sense of duty?

How have you navigated similar challenges in your personal or professional life? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s discuss how to draw healthy boundaries while still being compassionate.