WIBTA for telling everyone I want to give birth alone?

Picture a hospital room, sterile yet buzzing with anticipation, where an 8-month-pregnant woman envisions a quiet birth, just her and her soon-to-be-born daughter. Haunted by a chaotic first delivery—where her wishes were ignored, and uninvited guests stirred drama—she’s determined to protect her peace this time. Past betrayals, from a cheating ex to a mother who brought an uninvited guest, weigh heavy, pushing her toward a bold choice: delivering alone.

This Reddit story captures a raw struggle for control in one of life’s most intimate moments. It’s a tale of a mom-to-be wrestling with family expectations while craving serenity. Readers are drawn into her dilemma, wondering how to balance personal boundaries with loved ones’ feelings when the stakes are this high.

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‘WIBTA for telling everyone I want to give birth alone?’

So I’m 8 months pregnant. My original birth plan was for my daughters father to be the only person in the room and use enjoy our daughter for the first 2 days. He however cheated (I’m over it) and hasn’t checking in for 4 months and moved in with the girl he cheated with so I don’t want him in the hospital when I give birth.

I have a son and when I gave birth to him I made it clear I only wanted my sister, my cousin(basically a sister to me), and my mom there. My mother brought her girlfriend despite my wishes. My cousin told her how rude and inconsiderate it was cause she knew I was upset.

Everyone ended up leaving until I was 10cm so I was basically alone the whole until I pushed. When I think back to that day it’s what I remember the most. Then my dad spent the night. He just snored and slept while I took care of myself and the baby.

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My ex’s sister wants to come down and be there but I’m at a point where I feel it’s better to be alone. I told my sister and she told me how upset everyone will be if I say that. That my mom would be so hurt and even though me and my ex broke up he should be there as well if he wants to be.

She says I need a support system and I’m basically telling everyone they aren’t good enough to be that. I just went through so much my pregnancy I just want to be alone and enjoy my daughter before bringing back the drama but now I’m scared of everyone’s reaction to me saying it. So WIBAH for telling them all I’m just going to be alone.

This woman’s desire to birth alone isn’t selfish—it’s self-preservation. Past experiences, like her mother inviting an uninvited guest and her ex’s absence, scream boundary violations. Childbirth demands focus, and stress from unwanted visitors can complicate it, as Psychology Today notes, citing increased risks when mothers feel unsupported.

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Dr. Aviva Romm, a women’s health expert, says, “Birth is a time for a woman to feel safe and empowered.” The mom-to-be’s family, by prioritizing their feelings, overlooks her need for control. A 2020 American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists report emphasizes that a supportive environment improves birth outcomes, meaning only those who respect her wishes belong in the room.

She should clearly communicate her plan, perhaps hiring a doula for professional support, and inform hospital staff to enforce her boundaries. Family may feel hurt, but her mental health and baby’s safety come first. Therapy post-birth could help mend family ties while affirming her autonomy.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

The Reddit squad rolled in like a tidal wave, dishing out support with a side of sass. It’s like a group chat where everyone’s rooting for the mom-to-be to take charge. Here’s the raw, unfiltered vibe from the crowd:

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[Reddit User] − NTA. Why would you want someone there who Disrespected you and Cheated? You can choose whoever you want to be there and to not be there. It's up to you.

FriendlyMum − NTA nope nope nope! You birth whatever way you want to honey. It’s your body.. Birth isn’t a spectator sport for family to argue over who gets to see it.

Perhaps hire a doula so you get lots of massages and support from an expert and tell them all they’ve been replaced with a professional. I had one once and she was marvellous.

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buckythirteen96 − 'selfish to cut everyone out of a special day'??. You're the one whose pregnant, you're the one giving birth, everything that happens is up to you. NTA. if being alone is going to make you more relaxed to deliver the baby then that's what you should do, and anyone who doesn't respect that is TA

Sorry-Squirrel-2346 − You’re the pregnant lady. So if you want to be alone, you get to be alone. It’s not about their feelings and that they could feel like they are not good enough. What a b**lshit.. Do what is best for you and your unborn.

awkward-velociraptor − NTA it’s entirely your decision who you want there. And s**ew the cheating ex, it’s laughable to include him in the “support system” when he hasn’t checked in on you. If anyone gives you a hard time, ask them how they plan to support you during your delivery.

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karaage_for_life − NTA but be sure to tell midwives/hospital staff you dont want anyone there. They will follow your wishes (hopefully).

Sleepy_felines − NTA. You are the one pushing a baby out. It’s completely up to you who is there. Anyone in that room is there to support you, not for their own benefit.

I’m an anaesthetist- when I do c-sections the mother is allowed one person in theatre with her. But if for some reason we have to give a general anaesthetic, then that person isn’t allowed in- they were meant to be there to support the mother, not for anything else.

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Lulubelle__007 − I think you are NTA but let me check I have this correct.. 1) During your first labour, you asked for your mother, sister and cousin there as support, no one else. 2) Your mother ignored your explicit instructions and brought a friend of hers, not someone who is a friend of yours but a friend of hers, to your medical event.

3) When she was informed that she should not have done this, she caused a scene in the hospital during your medical event. In the hospital where there were other patients trying to have their babies and where security is tight as hell because people go baby crazy.

4) Due to her actions and aforementioned scene causing, she and your other relatives left, leaving you unattended except for staff during your medical event. 5) Due to her actions, you were denied the support system you had asked for and which was agreed to.

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You proceeded to go through one of the most important and serious medical and social events of a persons life without the support which your mother, sister and cousin were supposed to be providing. 6) Following your return from the hospital, neither of your parents were helpful.

Your mother because of reasons 1 to 5, your father because he slept and snored and kept you awake while you healed from birth and cared for your newborn solo. 7) You have unfortunately broken up with the father of this baby, he has moved in with another woman and is ignoring communication.

It is reasonable to assume he is nothing doing with this whole situation right now because he’s an a**hole and also reasonable that you don’t want him there anyway. 8) You have decided that you wish to be attended by staff only during labour, you communicated that to your sister and her response is that you should think of other people during your upcoming medical event.

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Have I got all that right? Because there is no way you are the one on the wrong here. Firstly, as many have said, birth is not a spectator event. If you aren’t there supporting the mother/ baby then you don’t need to be present.

Your needs, as the one giving birth, are paramount and any people present who stress you out are actually dangerous to you and your child and a pain in the rear to medical staff who are trying to help you get baby out safely.

Your cheating ex who has shown zero interest in communicating with you is not going to be a help and so, no, he doesn’t need to be there. His involvement once baby is born is between the two of you but he isn’t necessary for birth.

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More importantly, the last time you gave birth, your mother proved she cannot be trusted to support you, she made it about her needs, not yours. She caused a freaking scene in a damn labour ward after bringing her bestie against your wishes. To a medical event.

Your other relatives also left, so were as much support as a chocolate tea pot in India. That was their chance to show their support and you didn’t get any. Why should they get to invade now, against your wishes, when they have proven that they can’t be trusted?

Your sister seems more concerned with other peoples wants and emotions- hers, your mothers, your ex- than what you, the person going through this, needs. That doesn’t scream ‘support system’ to me, further proof that you are better off doing this as you want to, in peace.

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NTA. You are giving birth, you decide who is in the room. With the illness which shall not be harped on causing continued chaos worldwide in hospitals, I’m guessing there will be restrictions on who/ how many can be present in any case. Anything which causes stress is right out.

If you want to, hire a doula who can be your support person and will be your buffer against issues during/ advocate for you but otherwise go ahead and give birth how you feel most comfortable. Enjoy your new baby girl when she arrives, hope your son is doing ok and you do you- you know what you need and what makes you most relaxed.

Last thing you need in labour is to be dealing with other peoples emotions! Already they are trying to push you into something you have said you don’t want, not ok. They are most assuredly being assholes. I wish you a safe delivery and healthy baby/ settled post partum time.

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Maximum-Woodpecker25 − NTA. This is your pregnancy, your baby and your birthplan. No one has the right to be upset about how you choose to give birth, especially after the fiasco you had with your first child. I wish you all the best and hopefully you'll get to have a quiet (& ofc safe) birth without any family-drama adding to it all.

ThurmansThief − NTA. I had open heart surgery alone in a city far away from any family. Having family members around doesn't comfort me, it adds stress. This phenomenon of injecting fathers and other looky loos into the delivery room in Western countries is relatively recent (last few decades) and not medically necessary, it's just something that some moms and fathers started demanding and then it snowballed from there.

These Redditors cheered her right to choose, slamming family pressure as out of line. Some suggested doulas, others urged hospital staff to play gatekeeper. But do these fiery opinions nail the whole story, or are they just hyping the drama?

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This story is a poignant reminder that childbirth is deeply personal, where a woman’s voice should reign supreme. Her push for solitude reflects strength, not rejection, despite family pushback. It invites us to ponder the delicate dance of asserting boundaries while keeping loved ones close. What would you do if you were in her shoes, balancing peace with family expectations? Drop your thoughts below—let’s spark a real conversation!

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