Why does my BF (36M) tease me (28F) with his money and luxuries but never follow through?

Picture a dazzling evening, wine glasses gleaming under chandelier light, as a boyfriend spins tales of matching Rolexes and sleek Porsches. For one 28-year-old woman, these promises painted a thrilling future—until Christmas morning brought pajamas instead of YSL bags. Her boyfriend’s habit of flaunting wealth, only to underdeliver, left her heart sinking and her family whispering “phony.”

This isn’t just about unmet gifts; it’s a tangle of trust, mixed signals, and bruised feelings. The woman’s confusion resonates with anyone who’s felt led on by grand gestures that fizzle out. Readers might wonder: is this playful teasing or something more manipulative? The story pulls us into a long-distance romance where love and doubt dance an uneasy waltz.

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‘Why does my BF (36M) tease me (28F) with his money and luxuries but never follow through?’

I am not really sure how to word this question. But my bf (36m) and I (28f) have been together almost 2 years now and I have noticed a weird pattern with his enjoyment of teasing me with luxury items. He has a good job that apparently earns a good living and he has bragged in the past (he said over a million last year in bonuses) I say apparently because I am honestly not sure if he is being truthful.

I will say he goes all out on date nights with dinner bills between $400-$500 so I know he does actually make a decent income, however he may have exaggerated. Not that it matters at all! I don’t care what he earns or what he spends on me, I am just pointing out the picture he has painted of himself for clarity.

He always makes comments about buying us matching Rolexes, or buying me a Porsche one day. Which I always shrugged off. He’d start making those same comments in front of my family to the point where they have pointed out to me he comes off as very phoney.

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Before last Christmas he walked me into a YSL store and asked me to pick out my Christmas present. I excitedly tried on bags and eventually chose my favourite, he took down all the details from the sales lady and I left the shop all giddy thinking that would be my Christmas gift.

A couple weeks goes by and my mom spilled the beans that he had texted her and my sister pictures of expensive jewellery from Cartier asking for her opinion on what to get me for Christmas. So my expectations were raised I will admit.

Christmas comes and I open my gifts and they were normal items (perfume, lipgloss, pajamas) which again I have no problem with!! I just think it was strange to raise my hopes like that and also involve my family? My mom and sister were very confused when I told them what I got.

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Then a month later I visited him for our 1 year anniversary (we do long distance) one morning I gave him his card and gift (a digital picture frame of our pictures and memories from the whole year) and he says thank you but doesn’t give me even a card in return.

He takes me out and actually takes me into a Cartier store… so I thought ohhh maybe he wanted to get me this for our anniversary instead of Christmas. So he has me trying on a bunch of different pieces and asking me to pick my fave and when I do he says okay maybe for your birthday and we leave the store? So I was lost and confused yet again.

And I ask him if he had even gotten me a card for our anniversary and he said no? I was really hurt about the lack of effort made and then this weird show of having me try on jewellery after opening his own gift that morning? It was just so weird to me.

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Then on my birthday we weren’t together and my gift arrived in the mail, an Amazon prime box with slippers, a Stanley cup, and a smart garden. Again not a big deal, I just don’t get the getting my hopes up prior to the day?

He also does weird things like getting mad that I take the subway, he’ll say it’s not safe and he doesn’t want his girlfriend in the position. And so I explain that I can’t afford to take Ubers everywhere and to and from work.

But it’s like he does not comprehend that? So he brought this up in front of my sister one day and she is more bold and blunt than me and says “well if you don’t want her taking subways why don’t you put your credit card in her Uber app right now so you know she can afford it and Is always safe?” He did not even acknowledge her.

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Just looked down at his phone.. What is the psychology behind this kind of behaviour? Why do you think he teases me like this?. Edit**** Everyone is saying he is broke and lying. Which could still be true! But I do want to add for context, he seems to actually live a lifestyle to match his claims.

He just bought a home (which is incredibly stunning and no doubt expensive) he drives a nice car. He shops excessively for himself lol. And he does take me on extravagant expensive date nights. He has also taken me on a few amazing trips this year where we stayed in the best hotels, even travelled in first class for one trip. Again he could just be in major debt for all I know! I’m just saying there are mixed messages for sure.

Flaunting wealth only to pivot to modest gifts can feel like emotional whiplash. The OP’s boyfriend builds a glittering image—Cartier trips, $500 dinners—but his follow-through falls flat, leaving her confused. He paints himself as a high-roller, yet bristles when her sister calls his bluff over Uber fares. This disconnect hints at deeper issues of trust and intent.

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Such behavior aligns with “future faking,” a term coined by psychologists to describe promising grand futures without delivering. As Psychology Today explains, it’s a manipulative tactic to keep someone hooked. The OP’s raised hopes, only to receive slippers, reflect this pattern, potentially signaling control.

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a narcissism expert, notes, “Future faking creates an illusion of commitment, binding you emotionally” (Verywell Mind). For the OP, this cycle risks eroding trust, especially with no anniversary card to soften the blow. His dismissal of her subway concerns further suggests control disguised as care.

The OP should set clear boundaries, calmly addressing the pattern without accusing. Refusing to engage in luxury store visits, as Redditors suggest, could shift the dynamic. Honest talks about financial transparency and mutual expectations may clarify his motives, fostering trust or revealing dealbreakers.

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Here’s how people reacted to the post:

The Reddit squad dove in like detectives at a crime scene, tossing out theories from debt to manipulation. It was a lively mix of gasps and eye-rolls, with some calling the boyfriend a broke show-off and others waving red flags. Here’s their unfiltered take:

TheDissolutionist − He's showboating his income and exaggerating it. Probably up to his tits in debt he can't pay. Beware this dude, you been warned.

JojoCruz206 − This is called [future faking]. It’s a type of love bombing. He’s painting a picture of how he wants you to imagine your future with him, but when the time comes to actually give the things he has dangled in front of you, there are the missing missing reasons as to why those things don’t appear.

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He wants you to think of him as a person of means in part to portray himself as someone who has $$$, but also to dangle in front of you to keep you around. [This is manipulative behavior.]

I would be concerned, because this is controlling behavior, maybe not overt, but it is definitely covertly controlling. He’s doing it to keep you in his life. Also, him having an issue with you about taking public transit is also a red flag. Controlling behavior often starts off as “I’m concerned about your safety” when in reality it’s about controlling your movements or your behavior.

Edited to add: I would be extremely wary of someone with this behavior, because fundamentally it speaks to trust. He might not have promised you something outright, but it’s dangled in front of you and you can’t say anything about it or you will look like a greedy “gold digger” (I hate that term).

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It really puts you in that catch 22, because if you say something, you look like someone who is fishing for $$$, but if you don’t, it remains confusing as hell as to his motives and actions. Over time it also makes it hard to trust anything he says.

Specialist-Sun-9267 − Your boyfriend invents himself a life where he is rich. He brings you to luxury shops to try to live the big life, but in reality he's broke. The fact that he even includes your family in his delusions is even weirder.

That doesn't look like a sane behaviour to me.. It reminds me of this dude (Jean Claude romand) who lied to everyone pretending to be a rich doctor while in reality he was unemployed for years and never actually obtained his degree. When the wife discovered everything he murdered her,  the 2 children, and his parents to prevent them to discover he was lying...

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No-Discussion5606 − He’s definitely not getting payed as much as he said he was and I just don’t believe that

orangesocksaga − Your boyfriend is broke

edoyle2021 − Do what you will staying together or breaking up but I would not play into this anymore. If he takes you to YSL say no thank you. I’m sure there is other stuff going on that you are not seeing because you are long distance. I’m sure he lives in a normal apartment. And is probably photoshopping himself on private planes.. I would break up. He’s a liar.

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dutchman76 − Why buy you stuff when he can just dangle the idea of it in front of you. I've met some really wealthy guys that are cheap AF, and can't even be bothered to get a card for special occasions.

indigoorchid0611 − He does it because you keep falling for it. As you said, you get all giddy after he takes you to these stores thinking he's going to follow through on the gift. So he's temporarily reaping the benefit of your appreciation for the gift without having to actually do anything.

This is why he tells you it's for whatever holiday is upcoming so he can stretch his benefit out for a while before you find out he didn't follow through. If you stay with this guy (and I recommend that you DON'T), the next time he tries to take you in a luxury store just say no. He can't dangle bait if you don't let him.

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He tries to have a conversation saying he wants to buy you xyz, just say 'uh huh' and change the subject. ANY time he brings up anything money-related, change the subject. When he gets frustrated that he can't do this any more and bitches about it (because he will) just say they're nice fantasies but you prefer to discuss reality.

Senior-Reality-25 − I do know that if you stop getting excited - stop falling for the kitty toys he dangles in front of you - stop boosting his ego with your responses - he is going to get _really_ pissy.

entersandmum143 − Start saying 'no thanks' when he offers....guage his reaction.

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These Redditors didn’t mince words, labeling the boyfriend’s antics as future faking or outright lies. Some urged the OP to shut down his luxury teases, while others smelled debt behind his flashy facade. But do their theories nail the truth, or are they just fueling the drama?

This romance reads like a rollercoaster—thrilling highs of promised luxury, then jarring drops to reality. The OP’s stuck wondering if her boyfriend’s teasing is playful or a power play. Trust hangs in the balance, and her story reminds us how quickly grand gestures can sour without sincerity. Have you ever faced empty promises in a relationship? What would you do if someone dangled dreams but delivered doubts? Share your thoughts below!

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