[UPDATE] I (28f) messed up at the airport and is sad with how my boyfriend (28m) treated me. How can I manage the issue or my feelings?

Jonathan Hours
Comments 0 Comments

The thrill of an international getaway turned sour for a 28-year-old woman when a forgotten passport unleashed her boyfriend’s wrath. What started as an embarrassing mistake at the airport check-in became a window into his true character, as his insults cut deeper than the travel delay.

Now, a new twist has her heart in knots. When her boyfriend made the same passport blunder, her lighthearted jab triggered his fury, leaving her alone in a hostel, torn between anger and regret. As she navigates this emotional turbulence, her story raises a poignant question: when does a partner’s reaction reveal a dealbreaker? Join us as we unpack her journey of self-discovery amid a vacation gone awry.

For those who want to read the previous part: I (28f) messed up at the airport and is sad with how my boyfriend (28m) treated me. How can I manage the issue or my feelings?

ADVERTISEMENT

‘[UPDATE] I (28f) messed up at the airport and is sad with how my boyfriend (28m) treated me. How can I manage the issue or my feelings?’

Thank you to the people who took their time to share their thoughts and kind words to me. I know it was a mistake and one enough to get annoyed about. Tbh I actually got over it kind of quickly because.. well- I'm on vacation and I am actually having fun! I also took the time to reflect our almost two years and it really was a first where he showed me some immaturity so I noted to myself to have a deeper conversation when we get back.

Not so good update though: We were shopping and the store has duty-free. Guess who forgot their passport? My boyfriend. I made a mocking joke (purposely sounding obnoxious): oh wow how could you forget your passport? Can't use mines because I don't coddle dumb behaviors. AND HE WAS FUMING. He stonewalled me the whole day and I cried about it.

Then I got so mad so all in all, I put that $600 into use to stay at a hostel. It's a little dirty and lonely so right now I'm fighting myself between sadness, anger and regret but I'm trying to prove a point to him. He hasn't texted me first and I don't want to cave in either. We do have one booked attraction and a few eateries reserved so idk... :(. I'm definitely reconsidering the relationship.

ADVERTISEMENT

A forgotten passport is a minor hiccup, but a partner’s reaction can turn it into a relationship-defining moment. For this woman, her boyfriend’s initial tirade at the airport was troubling enough, but his rage when she mirrored his words after his own passport mistake reveals a deeper issue: double standards. His stonewalling—refusing communication as punishment—further escalates concerns about emotional maturity.

This scenario reflects a broader relationship dynamic: the importance of mutual accountability. A 2023 study in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy found that partners who hold each other to consistent standards report higher satisfaction (source). His inability to accept the same critique he dished out suggests a lack of emotional equity, a red flag for long-term compatibility.

Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist, states, “Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, where both partners can own their mistakes without fear of punishment” (source). His refusal to engage after her jab, coupled with his earlier insults, points to manipulative tendencies like stonewalling, which can erode trust.

ADVERTISEMENT

She should wait until after the trip to discuss this calmly, clearly stating how his hypocrisy and stonewalling hurt her. Journaling her feelings and reflecting on past conflicts—has he shown similar double standards?—could guide her decision about the relationship’s future.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Reddit didn’t mince words, delivering a mix of support and blunt advice that could light up a tarmac. Here’s what the community had to say:

KrtekJim − Ugh, I have a brother like OP's bf. Not only does he not hold himself to the standards he unilaterally sets for others, but he goes absolutely ballistic with rage when anyone tries to either point this out or hold him to his own standard.. We don't really talk anymore.

ADVERTISEMENT

Funtivity_Director − This is done.. Be you. Enjoy yourself. UpdateMe

ConIncognito − I’d do my own thing for the rest of the vacation, go sightseeing, go on tours, check out those eateries, etc. Don’t let him ruin the entire trip for you. Maybe see if you can change return flights so you don’t have to sit with him on the way home.

Maleficent-Bottle674 − End the relationship. This man goes ballistic when treated like the way he treats you. That means he knows he is being disrespectful towards you but expects you to smile and eat it up. Go sightseeing, enjoy local food, take lots of photos to post and share, and meet others publicly and safely of course.

ADVERTISEMENT

Helpful_Librarian_87 − Travelling with someone is often make-or-break. I think we know which way this is going. How much longer have you got to go? Try to make it enjoyable for you &  remember you can probably swap seats with someone on your way home.

Impossible_Balance11 − One thing I've learned in my nearly 6 decades on the planet: I don't stay in ANY relationship (romantic, familial, friendship, etc.) in which double standards are a requirement and expectation.

Successful_Bitch107 − Traveling is stressful, but this entire trip has shown you that your bf is a hypocritical a**hole who will lose his s**t when life gets stressful

ADVERTISEMENT

SgtMartinRiggs − The whole thing about not “coddling dumb behaviors” tells you everything you need to know about how he views you and this relationship.. You’re a child or a pet to him, not an adult on equal footing. I mean, for Christ’s sake, you forgot your passport, which, yes, is a really big *inconvenience,* but it’s not like your lives were at risk.

You had many options to sort it out with varying costs, and ended up fixing the problem that day.  The worst, worst case scenario here was flying separately or waiting a day to fly together. There are **much** worse things in life that you guys will have to face together.

He could’ve even remained pissed off but still managed his emotions to be helpful, pragmatic, and supportive, but he chose to repeatedly bully and punish you. If that sort of immaturity is how he copes with life’s difficulties at 28 years old, he’s going to have a very, very frustrating life, and you can expect to be punished for every mistake that inconveniences him.

ADVERTISEMENT

BlueJaycopper − YOU FORGOT and he thought it was reasonable behavior you berate you. Traveling I'd one of those things that are indicators in a relationship and I think this experience indicated you should go your separate ways.

xray_anonymous − You using his exact words on him for making **the same mistake** you did was absolutely valid and divine and he deserved it. The fact he got *that mad* about it just shows that he knew his behavior was inappropriate and disrespectful before and is a standard of treatment he’s okay accepting for you but not for him. Even *bigger* red flag and one of an abuser.

Him berating you and insulting you for over an hour was apparently fine but you jokingly saying one thing to him back when he did the same thing caused him to flip out. Remember that. Ask yourself why that is. I dated someone like your bf once with a very similar anger meltdown moment. Except in my case it *wasn’t* even my fault, it was the gf of his buddy I was with.

ADVERTISEMENT

Her appt ran late and we almost missed the last train back to our hotel on a trip to Chicago. He berated me when we got to the train platform - so loudly strangers were looking over very concerned - for probably five straight minutes about being stupid and selfish and it would have been my fault if we missed the train and I would have ruined the trip for all of them etc etc (despite it being explained multiple times by her that she was the one held up).

I sat away from him on the train and when we got back to our stop he tried being all affectionate like yours did. I wouldn’t let him. Then he was mad I wasn’t just “over it” and “his rant was valid” etc. Long story short he was very verbally and emotionally abusive - got mad if I ever held him accountable for anything - and ending things was the best thing I ever did.

If a partner insults you and calls you names in arguments, it’s abuse. If they stonewall you when they’re angry- that’s also abuse. It’s a type of manipulation tactic to try to control your behavior - make you grovel and apologize and think twice before doing it again out of fear of being stonewalled again. Don’t give into it.

ADVERTISEMENT

It may have taken two years, but it’s finally shown. And it will happen again with a higher frequency rate. I highly recommend reading **Why Does He Do That?** by Lundy Bancroft to help better recognize and understand certain abusive behaviors and patterns to look out for.

This won’t get better with him. He’s already shown he’s capable of it.  Non abusive partners would never do that behavior even once, regardless of the situation. Enjoy vacation how you want to. End the relationship when you get back. Expect possible love-bombing if you do. Don’t fall for it. You deserve better.

These Reddit reactions are fiery, but do they fully grasp the complexity of her situation? Or are they too quick to call for a breakup?

ADVERTISEMENT

Her story is a stark reminder that love should never demand you shrink yourself to fit a partner’s double standards. From enduring her boyfriend’s airport outburst to standing up to his hypocrisy, she’s shown courage in a storm of emotions. As she weighs her next steps in a lonely hostel, her journey begs the question: how do you decide when a relationship’s flaws outweigh its joys? Share your thoughts or experiences below—let’s keep the conversation soaring!

Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *