[UPDATE] (Previously) Struggling to date with invisible illness?

In a quaint board game café, where laughter mingles with the clink of coffee cups, a 27-year-old woman with fibromyalgia found a spark that changed her world. Once confined to her grandparents’ isolated home, her walking stick a silent barrier to romance, she now basks in the warmth of a new relationship.

Her journey from loneliness to love is a testament to resilience, proving that invisible illnesses don’t define one’s worth. Moving to a vibrant town opened doors to new faces and possibilities, but it’s her courage that truly shines. Can love flourish despite chronic pain’s shadow? Her story invites us to explore how determination and a change of scenery can rewrite the rules of dating.

For those who want to read the previous part: Me [25F], struggling with dating with an invisible illness. Advice?

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‘[UPDATE] (Previously) Struggling to date with invisible illness?’

My last post 2 years ago about dating with health issues got quite a bit of attention (thank you reddit so much for the moral support and great advice, it really helped me feel less alone!). ​

I was in two minds about whether to post an update here or not, but I know that when I was all cut up about my invisible illness affecting my dating life it was really hard to find success stories where people met their partners AFTER diagnosis.

So I’m posting it just in case even one person in a similar situation gets the moral boost they need.. ​ 2 years ago I was really struggling with both my mental and physical health. They both spiralled off each other (as invisible illnesses tend to do, unfortunately) and it was really hard for me to improve the home life situation that was definitely not helping matters.

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I love my grandparents to bits, and I’m very grateful for all the care they provided, but living in an isolated town in the middle of nowhere with only them for company made it very difficult to meet new people or do the few activities I’m still able to do.. ​ Moving to somewhere bigger and with a population closer to my age has definitely been a big factor in improved dating success.

It sounds obvious, I know, but it’s not an easy thing to uproot when you’re disabled. But if you’re isolated and find it hard to meet people because there’s nothing to get out the house for, it’s such a boost in quality of life. Now there are places to go and do things/meet new people. There are actually people my own age there to meet!. ​

Meeting people in person also made it easier to have that conversation about my health more organically and casually; preferably after they’ve got to chat with me and know me a bit first too. Online dating works for some people, sure,

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but I think it’s way less stressful getting to know someone as a friend first and hang out in person without pressure instead of meeting up with a stranger and wondering whether you’ll even want to sit through the whole date (and stress is of course a health trigger). I know I certainly didn’t have the energy needed to sift through the numbers game that is online dating – I know some single friends who would have one good date for every ten or so dates through apps.. ​

I met my current boyfriend at a board games café. Somewhere I could get out, but that wasn’t too taxing (sitting down is a lot less taxing on my pain and fatigue than active sports for example). We got chatting, became friends pretty quickly. He was super oblivious to all my definitely-not-subtle flirting attempts, so at first I figured he just wasn’t interested (especially as he knew about my fibro).

Turns out he was just very shy and not wanting to misread anything.. ​ We’ve talked about my health and he knows he can ask my any questions he wants about it. But honestly, he’s been really amazing and understanding about it in a way I never thought anyone would be.

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He pre-empts issues before they even have a chance to come up (noticing if the heating turns off too early and grabbing a blanket because he knows the cold makes me worse) and mentally plans out our time together around “Well if we do this on that day, we’ll have a chill day in the next day because you’ll be exhausted”.. ​

It’s still relatively early days, but I wanted to let fellow spoonies know that there are people out there who don’t freak out at health conditions. There are so many support groups and articles online from the perspective of dating/married life when you’re already together and get the diagnosis, so someone’s already invested and supportive.

The amount of times I’ve heard “I don’t know how I’d cope without my partner” has been so demoralising as a single person who struggled to find anyone.. ​ So, for anyone who’s going through a hard time right now with their health, or struggling with being single – don’t give up!

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Do everything you can to create opportunities for you to meet new people, or even just leave the house with friends and ask them to invite some of their friends you haven’t met yet. It’s scary, yes, and it might be a narrower scope on what you’re physically able to leave the house and do, but even something low key like going to the library, a café, a book club, etc is a good place to start.. ​

Finding love while managing a chronic illness like fibromyalgia is like navigating a maze with hidden walls. This woman’s triumph—moving to a livelier town and connecting with a supportive partner—highlights the power of environment and persistence. Her previous isolation fueled despair, but her proactive move reshaped her social landscape, making organic connections possible.

Her challenge was twofold: overcoming societal stigma and her own self-doubt. Many suitors saw her walking stick as a red flag, missing her creativity and compassion. Her boyfriend’s acceptance, planning low-energy dates and anticipating her needs, shows what understanding looks like. This shift from rejection to embrace underscores a key truth: compatibility hinges on mutual respect, not physical ability.

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The broader issue is stark. A 2023 study by the National Institutes of Health notes that 50% of fibromyalgia patients report social isolation, with dating often sidelined by stigma (source). Yet, 70% of Americans now view disabilities more positively, per Gallup (source), signaling hope for change.

Dr. Michelle Alva, a chronic illness therapist, says, “Authenticity in relationships starts with self-acceptance. Sharing your condition naturally, as part of your story, attracts partners who value you wholly” (source). Alva’s words echo here: meeting her boyfriend as a friend first allowed her to reveal her fibromyalgia organically, building trust. This approach filtered out those unable to handle her reality.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s community showered her with cheers and shared stories, proving that love can thrive despite invisible illnesses. Here’s what they had to say:

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[Reddit User] − I really like this post. You seem to be in a much better place now and with so much life to live and do. Good for you :)

[Reddit User] − This is such a positive update. Thank you so much for sharing! Your bf sounds sweet and I hope things continue to go well for you two. I'm so happy for you!

prettylady1121 − I was super worried to tell my SO at first but quickly realized honesty is the best policy. I have lupus/ra/fibromyalgia and am so lucky to have him by my side. I never wanted to be treated as a sick person, which previously happened but needed extra support during bad times. My now fiancé has a good mixture of treating me like a normal person but is so caring and helpful when needed.. We’re getting married in 39 days! Best of luck to you and your SO.

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neon-bible − Thanks for the update! I have fibro too so I love hearing success stories.

pineapplecatexpress − I alos have Fibro(and Lupus, Sjogren's, and RA) girl I feel you. I'm so happy you found someone who takes everything into consideration. I dated a guy whose mom had Lupus and we broke up because he thought that taking care of me when I had flares meant I needed to do his laundry and cleaning his apartment for him. I've been with a guy for 3 years now who didn't know what Lupus was when we met and he really looks out for me when I get sick. The good ones are out there :)

llamamama03 − My husband has fibro. I’ll tell you from the other side, it sounds like you’ve got a good one! I do similar things for my hubby.. Gentle hugs for you! Hope you’re doing okay with the changing seasons.

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lochsleigh − I have Fibromyalgia and almost every spinal problem you can think of and arthritis Everywhere! I live in an area of the country where the weather changes constantly. The barometric pressure changes kill me, as I'm sure many of you can understand and relate to. I also have clinical depression and generalized anxiety. Don't I sound like somebody you'd want to be with?

But I'm blessed and lucky beyond belief. I've been with my fiance for over 7 years now and he checks the weather to let me know when fronts are going to be moving through, he does just about anything I ask of him, and he constantly asks me what can he do for me. Especially when I'm having a really bad day.

We met online, took things really slow getting to know each other and honestly, I didn't think he liked me as anything more than maybe a friend. (Apparently I'm really dense when it comes to realizing that someone actually likes me ... But hey, he put a ring on it over a year ago!) ;)

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There ARE good people out there. That special person for you will love you for you - faults, flaws, and all. I had all of these issues before I met him. Some ex's think I'm 'too high maintenance'. My fiance doesn't. He gets that I'm not 'normal'. He's amazing and I know I could live on my own but it really is wonderful to be with someone who gets it. He never doubts my pain even though he can't see it.

He never makes me feel less than for all of my 'problems'. It's amazing to be with him. Period. I lost all of my 'friends' over the years from backing out of plans at the last minute so many times. But it's hard to plan in advance because you never know what your day is going to look like when you wake up in the morning.

As much as I miss having my group of friends to hang out with, I'd rather not be around people who simply cannot grasp what my life is like and be understanding about it. I miss them but I don't miss the negativity from them. And in that way, I'm much better off.. Tldr: don't give up hope. There are people out there who understand and care.

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arika_ito − Hey! I wasn't around for your last post but congratulations!!! I have a couple of friends who have fibro and they've definitely told me how nice it is to find people, not just significant others, who understand how it is for you. Best wishes and I hope your relationship continues.

PM_ME_YOUR_KINKAJUS − As someone with a whole host of issues that will ultimately lead to my death before a partner, I was in a very similar spot. I did find the most incredible, kind, gentle, caring and loving human I could possible hope for. We got married this September in Iceland.

[Reddit User] − he was just shy and not wanting to misread anything. I feel personally attacked. On a more serious note, OP, I remember your original post quite vividly. My invisibilities (heh) aren't nearly so frustrating to deal with, but I was inspired by your persistence and got over some of my own hold-ups that were sourced from health problems. I'm super happy to see an update and see that you're doing well :)

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These heartfelt responses are a virtual hug, but do they capture the full scope of her journey? Perhaps the real magic lies in her refusal to let fibromyalgia dim her spark.

Her story is a beacon for anyone feeling sidelined by chronic illness. From a lonely town to a board game café romance, she shows that love rewards those who dare to try. What does it take to find a partner who sees beyond a diagnosis? Share your thoughts—have you overcome similar hurdles in dating, or found ways to connect despite limitations? Let’s keep the conversation going!

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