[UPDATE] My wife [30 F] has given up alcohol for good and I [31 M] am finding it difficult to deal with.

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In a softly lit dining room, the clink of wine glasses once marked romantic evenings, but for one man, those moments now belong to a past reshaped by love. His wife’s bold choice to quit alcohol forever, leaving behind her nightly glasses of wine, initially broke his heart, stirring fears of lost traditions. At 31, he faced a quiet grief, torn between supporting her and missing their shared toasts, a poignant thread in their decade-long marriage.

This Reddit update weaves a tender tale of adaptation and growth. His journey from loss to acceptance pulls readers into a relatable story of love navigating change. As he reflects on their stronger bond, the narrative sets the stage for expert insights, community perspectives, and a celebration of resilience in partnership.

For those who want to read the previous part: My wife [30 F] has given up alcohol for good and I [31 M] am finding it difficult to deal with.

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‘[UPDATE] My wife [30 F] has given up alcohol for good and I [31 M] am finding it difficult to deal with.’

I'd like to thank everyone that commented on the original thread. I did read everything even if I didn't reply to everyone. There were people who thought (as I expected) that I was selfish, that it shouldn't matter that my wife was making that decision and that I likely had my own hidden drinking problems.

There were others, though, that understood and could see my point of view. The TL/DR of my original post is that my wife had decided to give up alcohol for good, had told me she thought she was an a**oholic and so was going to quit. She was not an a**oholic in the 'traditional' sense i.e.

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she didn't get drunk all the time, wouldn't drink in the day but she did have two or three glasses of wine pretty much every evening after work. A lot of people do that. When she told me she was quitting booze for good, it was a complete shock to me and I felt a very real sense of loss.

I really felt heartbroken because I felt like there would be things we would 'miss out' on in the future together - sharing cocktails by the pool on holiday, sharing a bottle of nice wine over a romantic candlelit dinner, popping a bottle of champagne on New Year's, toasting to our (currently non existent) children on their wedding days.

I felt like that had all been taken away from me. I knew that this was small fry compared to what others went through and what she could be going through but that didn't stop it hurting. Everyone's problems matters to *them* even if an abstract observer can clearly see that one person's problems are much worse than anothers'.

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When I googled for help and advice on the matter, nothing really came up so I want to keep my original post up and supply an update to let others that might go through the same thing that they're not alone. As I mentioned above, some people were adament that my wife's decision to not drink ever again shouldn't affect me in the slightest.

Basically, it had nothing to do with me and if I felt like it affected me then I had my own problems. A year on, I can defiantly tell those people that they are wrong. In a marriage, at least in the kind of marriage I believe in, you and your partner's actions and choices are intertwined. The whole point of a marriage is to *share* the rest of your lives together.

I had expected and hoped for a long future together, sharing experiences that typically included alcohol. Our society, as a whole, is intertwined with booze. We first met when we were both tipsy at a student bar, pretty much all the social occasions we've ever been to have involved some alcohol - that's just where our society is.

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Drinking was, in some ways, a 'shared interest'. If you met a partner through rock climbing and you climbed together several times a week, got married, carried on climbing together all the time then suddenly your married partner said 'sorry, I'm never going to climb again', you would feel hurt.

Like something core to your relationship had been taken away. So, what have I learnt in the past year? Well for one, your parter giving up booze really doesn't matter. You just adjust. I'd be lying if there were times that I miss us sharing a bottle of wine together but those thoughts are few and far between.

It's far more important to me that she's happy and feels much better about herself. She's healthier, has a better outlook on life and when we are out togheter, we actually spend more 'quality' time together. I've never been a big drinker so if we were out, she'd get tipsier way before me so in a way, we weren't on the same conversation level by the end of the night.

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Now, we can talk 'properly' throughout. There are lots of benefits too, we spend much less on drinks now, of course - especially at home. We do, however, spend more on food. That's something I get more enjoyment from anyway though. We've been on holiday, we've been to weddings, we've been out to loads of dinners, we've had Christmas together.

It's all been fine. I always knew it would be - other people don't really judge much once you just say 'you don't drink'. As long as you don't make a big deal about it. My wife still doesn't tell people that she's an a**oholic; the story is still 'I gave up for dry January and found myself really liking it and felt better about myself so I gave it up for good'.

It's just easier, makes less of an issue of it and draws much less attention. We're probably happier than we were before (although we were plenty happy then too). I love my wife and I love spending time with her. For what it's worth, I do still drink. I didn't drink much before she gave up and now I do drink less.

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I'd share a bottle on nights out before but hardly ever drank at home. I'd say I had, on average, 2-3 units a week. Now I'm more at 0.5-1 units. I.e. Once every two or three weeks I might have a couple of beers. I hardly ever drink when we're out together. Only if I *really* fancy it. When I just 'quite fancy' it, I'd usually choose not to out of solidarity with my wife.

One change I have noticed is that I judge the s**t out of restaurants that have a crappy soft drinks selection or lack of non-a**oholic cocktails. High end restaurants tend to have several great options and will go out of their way to cater to you. Other restaurants do seem to judge you for not getting a bottle of wine, likely because they make a healthy profit off of alchohol.

Annoyingly, we're not doing it because we want to be 'cheap', we'd happily pay for an overpriced mocktail that's basically just tonic water with a cucumber in. I do enjoy being 'prepared' for my wife now though - i.e. if we're at a function where they're handing out champagne and nothing else, I will do what I can to get her something else;

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I'll happily be a bit of an arsehole if a place hasn't thought about providing non a**oholic drinks. There are plenty of people that can't drink for a number of reasons after all - religion, health pregnancy etc. Places really should be prepared.

I've rambled on for a while here, it's a bit disjointed as I wasn't planning on spending loads of my day writing about this! I'll happily answer any questions others may have. What with it being 'Dry January' for a lot of people, this could be something others might be thinking about.

I'd like to thank a few people from the original post for their comments; /u/gravityline and /u/Spectrum2081 for making me realise that it could have been a *lot* worse, she could have opted to go vegan instead which would have been bloody *awful*. u/lofwt and u/ShelfLifeInc for their points of view as non/little drinkers and for giving substitute suggestions.

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Also u/gooberfaced for saying that our life probably lacked any 'real' problems. That really made me laugh and see the truth in it!! There are many more that commented and helped in my original post but I can't list them all. Oh, also a shout out to r/stopdrinking; I got my wife to sign up to reddit for that sub and she's found it really helpful several times over the past year. :) 

This couple’s shift from wine-filled evenings to sober nights reveals the ripple effects of personal change. The husband’s initial grief, rooted in losing rituals like sharing cocktails or toasting milestones, reflects how deeply alcohol is woven into social bonds. His wife’s sobriety, sparked by self-awareness, challenged their routines but ultimately deepened their connection, as he embraced new ways to connect.

This mirrors a wider trend: partners navigating lifestyle shifts. A 2022 study from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism notes that 25% of adults in their 30s reduce or eliminate alcohol, often reshaping relationships. Dr. Carlo DiClemente, a psychology expert, says, “Sustained behavior change like sobriety requires mutual adjustment in partnerships”. The husband’s adaptation aligns with this, moving from loss to support.

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DiClemente’s perspective underscores the husband’s growth. His wife’s choice, while initially jarring, fostered healthier habits and richer conversations. Relationship experts at The Gottman Institute suggest couples use such changes to build new traditions, like mocktail nights or shared hobbies.

By advocating for better non-alcoholic options, he’s championing her journey, proving love can thrive through reinvention. This story celebrates resilience, showing how couples can transform challenges into opportunities for deeper connection, redefining shared joy without alcohol.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s responses fizz like a freshly poured mocktail, blending support with reflection. Many praise the husband’s honesty and growth, relating to his initial struggle while celebrating the couple’s stronger bond. Others highlight the health benefits of sobriety, noting how pervasive drinking culture can amplify such losses.

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The community sees their story as a testament to love’s ability to adapt, urging others to embrace change with patience. These Reddit views mix empathy with encouragement, reflecting the power of partnership in overcoming unexpected shifts.

dogcatsnake − I remember this original post! Glad to hear it has been working out. I think I would feel that same sense of 'loss' if I had been you, even though logically I would also realize it's better for her health and general well-being. It's still a social thing that does bring us together. But luckily for you, your relationship was based on more than that :) Good for you guys.

blackfish_xx − I'm glad you've adjusted. Just so you know, if she was drinking 2-3 glasses of wine a night, every night, she did have a problem with alcohol by most standards. Anything over about 7 drinks per week for women is considered more than 'low-risk' drinking according to the National Institute on Alcohol and A**oholism.

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Some people find that they can reduce their consumption to 'low risk' quite easily and not be tempted to drink any more, but others find that complete abstinence is more effective, or just choose to go that route because that's how they want to see themselves. I commend your wife for quitting, it is not an easy thing to do even if you aren't drinking very heavily.

tellmetheworld − I am dating a Muslim and thought this NO alcohol thing would be a huge issue. But it's not at all. Funny How you are trained to think a certain way but then in practice, you don't miss it. Happy things worked out for you! (For the record, I still drink)

ollieastic − This is a good update to hear! As a note, based on your post, it sounds like you're British. I lived for a while in the UK and the drinking culture is very different from the US--so I think it's a lot harder for people from the US to understand just how pervasive drinking is in the UK and just how many activities are oriented around drinking, so I understand your initial reaction. Regardless, I'm really glad that you were able to push past it and support your wife. Congratulations!

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justathoughtfromme − Glad to hear this was a happy update! Keep living the good life!

Zap_Dannigan − Basically, it had nothing to do with me and if I felt like it affected me then I had my own problems. A year on, I can defiantly tell those people that they are wrong. Why would you tell those people that? It seems like they were right. Your entire post is about you dealing with it in a way that not only didn't negatively effect your life, but the exact opposite.

studiocistern − Aw, I'm glad it worked out for you guys! My husband doesn't drink so I try to find special nonalcoholic drinks to make him for special occasions like, cherry lime rickeys, Dr. Pepper with sweet lime juice, juice blends with club soda added. It's fun and there are a ton out there.

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lost_in_your_eyes − So glad to see this update and im glad you guys are doing well! Super curious , what was the self help book that helped your wife ?

Kufat − I'm right there with you on the lack of good non-a**oholic options in restaurants. It seems absurd that if you're not interested in booze, some high end restaurants have worse beverage options than the golden arches.

DRHdez − This is quite an awesome update. I'm glad you two are doing so well and that it even helped your relationship. I like happy endings.

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This update sparkles like a non-alcoholic toast, illuminating how love evolves through change. The husband’s journey from grief to joy, alongside his wife’s sobriety, showcases the strength of commitment. Share your stories—how have you adapted to a partner’s big decision? What new traditions did you create? Let’s keep the conversation bubbling!

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