[UPDATE] My sister (37F) accuses me of favoring my nephew (9M) over my niece (9F).

A family dinner meant to celebrate togetherness turned into a battleground when Michelle, a 37-year-old mom, unleashed years of pent-up jealousy toward her sister Anna and their 22-year-old aunt. The spark? The aunt’s plan to take her nephew Ben to Universal Studios for his 10th birthday, which Michelle saw as favoring him over her daughter Lily.

This Reddit update dives deeper, revealing Michelle’s competitive streak when Anna announces a surprise pregnancy. As old rivalries flare and new concerns about Lily’s attention issues surface, the aunt scrambles to keep the peace. Will this family find harmony, or are sibling grudges too deep to mend?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

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‘[UPDATE] My sister (37F) accuses me of favoring my nephew (9M) over my niece (9F).’

My parents took all four grandkids to a trampoline place, so Anna and Michelle and their husbands were over to pick them up and stay for dinner. After dinner, Anna announced that she’s pregnant. I guess because of being over 35 she got this test called an NIPT and now she knows the baby’s gender even though she’s only 12 weeks.

It’s a girl. Anna wasn’t supposed to be able to have any kids, so we were all happy for her. Except Michelle. Once the dads took the kids downstairs to play in the playroom my parents have set up there, Michelle went off. She said Anna went and took the only thing she has left being best at (having the only granddaughter).

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I was going to leave because I don’t like being around when my sister fight, but then Michelle brought up the Universal trip and Ben. She said that she knows it’s wrong, but after Anna “took” having the oldest grandkid from her, she was at least happy that her kid had nothing wrong with her.

Especially in the beginning, where Ben had a lot more issues and was really behind. He could barely talk when he was adopted. Now, Lily’s teacher and other people (her friends parents) are noticing that Lily might have attention problems. Apparently, the whole trip thing just was one thing too many.

Even though she admitted that there’s no reason for it and my parents have always treated us the same, Michelle said she’s always felt competitive and second best to Anna. Now even I seem to like Anna’s kid better. Anna was kind of shocked at all this. She did get a little mad when Michelle was talking about how Lily was better than Ben, but they ended up crying and hugging each other.

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I told Michelle I would return the American Girl doll and take a trip to the AG store (which is within reasonable driving distance of us) and let Lily pick it out herself. Michelle said she and her husband will start the process of getting Lily evaluated.. 

This family’s drama lays bare how sibling rivalry can fester into adulthood, spilling onto the next generation. Michelle’s outburst—feeling Anna “stole” her role as the only granddaughter’s mom—reveals deep insecurity. Dr. Laurie Kramer, a sibling dynamics expert, notes, “Adult siblings often carry childhood competitions into parenthood, projecting them onto their kids” (Journal of Family Psychology). Michelle’s resentment, intensified by Anna’s pregnancy, risks hurting Lily and Ben.

Lily’s potential attention issues, flagged by her teacher, add complexity. A 2024 Pediatrics study found 10% of children show ADHD-like symptoms, often exacerbated by excessive screen time. Michelle’s defense of Lily’s YouTube habit may delay needed support, unfairly targeting the aunt’s gift choices.

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The aunt’s pivot to an American Girl store trip for Lily is smart, aligning with her interests without matching Universal’s cost. It shows effort to connect, despite Michelle’s unfair demands. A budget-friendly outing can build bonds, proving love isn’t measured in dollars.

The aunt should gently encourage Michelle to prioritize Lily’s evaluation while setting boundaries against unfair gift expectations. Family therapy could untangle Michelle’s jealousy, fostering fairness for all kids.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Reddit’s buzzing with reactions, from praising the aunt’s kindness to urging Michelle to face her issues. Here’s the community’s spicy take on this family meltdown.

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shenanigah − Aside from your sister’s issues... Thank you for being Ben’s hero. That kid is really lucky to have you in his life.

daelite − I'm glad they are getting your niece checked out. Both of my kids were diagnosed ADD as children, it can be difficult. As for the birthday gifts, a trip to American Girl is a cool gift! I took our daughter to Chicago to AG, we made a day of it. We had lunch at their restaurant and saw a show at their Theater.

She got 2 new dolls & a few outfits. Now given the cost, she was almost 12, we wanted to give her something she'd been wanting to do for years. We knew we'd probably never go back. She's 25 now & we occassionally get her dolls out of their boxes to comb their hair, change their outfits & reminisce on that special day she & I had together. She loved that trip so much.

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Mabelisms − Your sister sounds like she needs some therapy herself to deal with these feelings of inadequacy.. Lily would do well to be evaluated and get some supports for things if she needs them.. But your sister doesn’t get to dictate that everything from you has to be “fair” in her estimation.

miladyelle − I’m glad they’re going to get Lily evaluated, but Michelle needs to be, too, for different reasons. Holy Hera. This is the kind of damage that if unaddressed, will absolutely damage her daughter and niblings—and their relationships with each other.

thec0nesofdunshire − Family drama aside... I commented on your last post that it sounded like your niece may have ADHD. If that's what she's being evaluated for, please do some research and check out r/adhd if you do want to get closer to her. She isn't being malicious with how she focuses; she has a disorder and needs more stimulation and direction than neurotypical folks.

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She probably doesn't enjoy amusement parks because of all the waiting and distractions. But she may enjoy a more enclosed and physical activity. What about doing a family escape room, or taking her to a show for a band she likes, or doing something creative together like painting, etc? It's hard when your brain works differently from others and you get left out because of it.

_maynard − That is.... lot of drama. I had to flip back to the other post several time to figure out who was who

neo_sporin − So she was only the best at having grandkids because no one else had them? She can still be the best but clearly she has some other issues with the family

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Luxray − Honestly I'd try taking the tablet away before diagnosing the kid with ADHD. She may very well have it, but tablets are notorious for sapping attention spans.

Emoooooly − Michelle sounds like she needs to work on some things within herself. Sorry for the drama. I have two young nieces and as they've grown up its switched back and forth who prefers to spend time with me more. About a year ago when the youngest just turned 4, she was with me ALL the time. Wanted endless attention and play time and reading books.

Now, when the older one is 6 and a half, she spends more time with me talking about school and her friends and who annoys her. The younger one is content to have a good tickle fight and chase around the house and then wants to settle down and play on her own.. It's just how things go as kids grown up and develop their personalities.

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Caltry-Cultre − The others gave you good advice on your family situation, I just want to add one thing. In your last pot you mentioned that Lily being on a phone or iPad a lot. This could be linked to her attention problems. The stimulation by smartphone and tablet can already be harmful to an adults ability to concentrate and work productively long term.

To a child it is even more detrimental. Screen time should be limited to 30 to 45 minutes at day, ideally at that age. Plus, take into consideration that YouTube, even KidYouTube is not safe for children to be unsupervised. There are many harmful messages sent with some of the content

and sadly very bad people who look for kids for dark purposes. I know you're not in a situation to give you sister tips regarding parenting right now, but IF you spend some more time with Lily, try to get her attention away from the screen and social media at least for a bit.

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These opinions are fiery, but do they grasp the full story? Is Michelle’s jealousy justified, or is the aunt caught in an unfair crossfire?

This family dinner turned into a raw expose of sibling rivalry, with the aunt’s birthday plans for her nephew caught in the fallout. Michelle’s jealousy and Lily’s emerging struggles reveal a family at a crossroads. How would you navigate this tangled web—stand firm on the trip or bend to keep peace? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this drama!

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