[UPDATE] My partner cutting off a lifelong family friend because of her inappropriate messages

In a quiet Northeast home, the air grows thick with tension as a husband dials his mother, hoping to quell a storm sparked by his decision to cut off a friend’s inappropriate advances. Instead, his mother unleashes a tirade, accusing his wife of abuse and control, while old wounds and toxic ties bubble to the surface.

This Reddit update dives deeper into a saga of loyalty and family chaos. As the wife navigates her husband’s firm boundaries and her own guilt, shaped by past trauma, the couple’s united front faces a mother-in-law’s wrath. Is she wrong to stand by her husband, or is this a battle for their marriage’s survival?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post 

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‘[UPDATE] My partner cutting off a lifelong family friend because of her inappropriate messages’

I wanted to just post a quick update on our situation. My husband called his mother to try to set clear boundaries (I am pretty sure she doesn’t believe that boundaries apply to her) and set things straight before they escalated more… Well apparently that crazy train had already left the station.

He called her on speaker phone, which he told her, while I was in the room. She lost her mind and demanded they have a private conversation because this was a matter between “family”. He corrected her, and let her know I am family. She then went on a rant about how I was displaying “abusive” and “controlling” behavior.

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She claimed I was isolating him from his family, like I did before. (We went no contact with her once before because of her bad behavior and she blames me and I guess had been holding on to that) Like what the f**k?! I had to leave the room then because my anxiety was too much.

He is the most calm and levelheaded person I know and he was starting to rise his voice. About five minutes later he came into our bedroom where I was trying to not have an anxiety attack. He told me he let her know how disgusted he was with her behavior and disappointed that she didn’t learn her lesson about trying to interfere with our marriage.

He also informed her for an indefinite amount of time he will be taking space from her. He also told her not to try to contact me, I have her silenced already. Oh one fun little fact that came out is that his mom and ex have been seeing a lot of each other. His mom has been helping with the kids while the ex friend* and her mom are dealing with medical stuff for her dad.

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Just to address a couple things… YES! I realize I have an amazing partner, I love this man so much. I regularly tell him and show him how much I love and appreciate him so don’t worry! The reason I thought I might be somewhat in the wrong is because I have battled cancer in my early 20’s.

During that time I had a boyfriend cheat on me with a good friend of mine because he was “o**rwhelmed” and they tried to gaslight me into thinking it was my fault because of all of the stress. I felt so abandoned and hurt I just didn’t want to feel like I was making anyone else feel that bad. I know the situation is very different. I am a bit of a people pleaser, working on that with my therapist.

Cancer is the worst and my heart hurts for anyone who is going through it that includes family of the person who is sick. I also want to say to the person who called me a narcissist because this isn’t about me… I think it says more about you than me that what you took from my post was just that. I hope you have the day you deserve.. Thanks to everyone else for the support and advice, I genuinely appreciate it.

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This update paints a vivid picture of a marriage under siege, not by the friend’s wayward texts, but by a mother-in-law’s refusal to respect boundaries. The husband’s bold move to pause contact with his mother, after her accusations of his wife’s “abusive” behavior, underscores a commitment to his partner. Yet, the wife’s guilt, tied to her cancer survivor past, adds a poignant twist.

Family therapist Dr. Salvador Minuchin once said, “Healthy families adapt by redefining roles, not clinging to old patterns.” The mother-in-law’s rant, coupled with her cozy ties to the ex-friend, suggests a toxic enmeshment, possibly fueling the friend’s romantic delusions. Her past resentment—blaming the wife for a prior no-contact period—reveals a pattern of scapegoating that threatens the couple’s peace.

This scenario echoes a common issue: in-law interference in marriages. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Issues found that 55% of couples report in-law conflicts impacting marital satisfaction, often due to boundary violations. The wife’s anxiety and people-pleasing tendencies, rooted in her traumatic past, amplify her struggle to feel “right” in this clash.

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For solutions, experts recommend reinforcing unity. The couple could set explicit rules for family contact, like limiting discussions to neutral topics. The wife might explore therapy to process her guilt, ensuring it doesn’t cloud their decisions. If the mother-in-law persists, maintaining distance may be essential.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s crowd rallied with sass and support, cheering the husband’s spine and roasting the mother-in-law’s antics. Here’s what the community had to say:

PlumMajor2925 − I read your old post to get familiar and I’m laughing at your MIL’s reaction. She’s upset you’re not the ideal Christian wife…well that friend going after a married man is totally the Christian thing to do 😂 Your husband is a good man. I wish I read more posts where the husband had as much of a backbone as what yours does.. You didn’t do anything wrong.

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Catherine1ove1y − Some friendships have expiration dates, especially when they turn toxic. Your partner chose you over chaos that speaks volumes.

AdorableBab1 − You didn’t lose a friend. You dodged a snake. And your partner? He proved he’s exactly the kind of man worth keeping.

I-will-judge-YOU − You say that his mom has been taking care of the ex's kids. Did he and his friend ever date or do just refer to her as an ex, as in ex friend? But good luck to you two. I hope things get to calm down now that both these horrible women are out of your life.

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LyannasLament − Ooo I just read part 1, and husband is a champ 💪 I love this for you guys! Sounds like MIL is toxic AF and honestly probably pushed or has had some hand in encouraging friend to declare her love for him, especially if “you’re not the perfect Christian wife for him.”

As a complete aside, once friend is not in this deep of an emotional crisis, *and* if she takes your husband’s advice and gets help, *and* she appropriately apologizes to you and your husband, I’d consider eventually (long long way down the road), forgiving her.

I don’t know what a relationship or acquaintanceship with her would look like afterward, *but* I do understand the possibility of having desperate life circumstances causing a person to get a crush on someone they see as a life line; it’s literally why grooming works so well.

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If she was being egged on by MIL, friends, or other family members - hell, even if she wasn’t and really just did it herself while drunk - I can see someone getting mixed up feelings and professing their love. I’m not at all trying to justify or excuse her behavior.

I’m rather trying to find a pseudo reasonable explanation why anyone would do this. I think your husband handled this perfectly. I think *you* are handling this perfectly. I think your MIL is beyond help, and is literally less forgivable than the friend.

Ok-Ad3906 − *'I also want to say to the person who called me a narcissist because this isn’t about me… I think it says more about you than me that what you took from my post was just that. I hope you have the day you deserve.'*. 🙌💯👌🤣. BRAVA, OP!!! *WELL DONE!*. 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏. 💅💁‍♀️

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AstoriaEverPhantoms − My MIL called me difficult and said I was cutting off their family after Christmas because she was mad at my husband and me for setting healthy boundaries. It was insane. Screaming and hollering, grabbing me by the wrists, kicking the dining room table before I told her she would have to leave if she didn’t calm down.

Then she storms out and screeches her car down the street. I haven’t spoken to her since and she hasn’t apologized to either one of us. I absolutely sympathize with having a crazy mother in law who doesn’t know the meaning of the word respect.

Tremenda-Carucha − NTA... man gotta stand up to his mama sometimes. Wife looks like she's taking it in stride anyway. What do you think the MIL's next move is gonna be, more passive-aggressive 'concern' or full-blown attack mode?

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VixenViperrr − Good on your husband for having a spine, and for respecting you enough to use it. I get what you mean with the whole 'not Christian housewife enough for her son' vibe - pretty sure my in-laws only 'love' me because I love their son. Otherwise, I stand for everything they hate (things like 'people should have equal rights,' white supremacy = bad, childfree by choice, etc.).

I could go on and on but don't want to hijack your post, lol. The in-laws still speak to his ex-wife, despite telling me to my face that she was manipulative, abusive, immature, etc., just because they still feel she's who God ordained my husband to be with 😂 (even funnier because my MIL got pregnant with SIL before she got married to FIL...very Christian, ya know)

Shadow4summer − NTA. Cook your husband a special dinner (or take him out if you prefer). You’ve got a good man there. Been married 45 years, I know it when I hear it.

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These spicy reactions laud the couple’s strength and mock the mother-in-law’s hypocrisy, but do they address the wife’s inner conflict? Is the mother-in-law the real villain, or is the ex-friend’s shadow still looming? Reddit’s Team Couple, but the wife’s guilt deserves a closer look.

This update spins a tale of a couple standing tall against a tidal wave of family drama, yet the wife’s lingering guilt reminds us that even victories can feel heavy. The husband’s resolve to shield his marriage from his mother’s meddling raises a big question: when does cutting toxic ties outweigh family duty? Readers, what would you do if your in-law turned your partner’s loyalty into a battleground? Share your thoughts—let’s unpack this chaos!

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