[UPDATE] My MIL hit our son and my husband defended her

In a once-happy home now fractured by betrayal, a mother’s world shatters when she learns her husband, like his mother before him, has struck their 3-year-old son, dismissing it as a cultural necessity. What began as a shocking incident with a spoon escalates into a bitter divorce and custody fight, as she grapples with stress, legal battles, and a husband who brands her objections as weakness.

This Reddit update plunges into a heart-wrenching saga of broken trust and clashing values. As the mother fights to protect her son from a cycle of normalized violence, her husband’s defiance and verbal aggression raise a piercing question: was she wrong to choose divorce, or is this the only path to safety?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original Post

ADVERTISEMENT

‘[UPDATE] My MIL hit our son and my husband defended her’

Hi everyone. Its been a while, I had forgotten about this account. But I was cleaning this computer before selling it and I was still logged in. So, on my last post, my MIL came in to visit our country, MIL and my husband Juan are from south America, we left her alone with the baby for a moment only to find out she had hit him because he was behaving like a baby.

My husband defended her. And called me r**ist because according to him, every Latin American parent hits their kids and its ok, but its not ok with me at all. So, the situation kept going on for a while, this became a huge issue in our marriage, and then Juan confessed that he had also hit our son when I wasn't home, he believes that is the only way to discipline a child and that 'gentle parenting' doesn't work.

ADVERTISEMENT

That was it for me, the problems got bigger and bigger while he kept insisting that this way of parenting of the reason why Latin Americans are more resilient than northern countries, and that people in here are 'too soft' and sensitive. We started fighting every single day, and then I just asked for a divorce, after that he became so verbally violent that now we communicate through lawyers only.

I have plenty of evidence of him confessing to hitting our son, while he in his testimonies confirms it but says 'is not that serious'. This is stressful and im not doing well, so I have to sell a few things to pay for bills and debts. Im going for full custody while he is doing the same, claiming that im an unfit mother for not teaching our son 'discipline'.. Well, enough of my drama, I have to go and do something else, thanks everyone..

ETA:. I wasnt expecting so many people to read this, but wow, thanks everyone. To be clear, my husband wasnt beating our son in a way that could put his life in danger, but for example, wrapping a spoon in clothes so when it hits, still hurts but leaves no marks on the skin. He described this to me as a way to make me see that 'is not that serious' but is still unacceptable.

ADVERTISEMENT

This is not an attempt to make Latin people look like abusive parents, but Juan really thinks that because growing up he normalized it, he really thinks that everybody does it, and the people who wasn't raised that way are weak. And yes. We had talked about how to raised our child, but I always thought that not hitting them ever was obvious.

I'm not sure when I might update with something important, I dont even have a court date yet, so it will take a while, but ill be reading your comments. Edit 2: thanks for all of your support, but I cant keep reading your stories of child abuse. Im so sorry, Im glad the majority of you are doing better now, but I just can't keep reading them. Its actually making me feel so bad, that's the downside of having empathy. Sorry.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

ADVERTISEMENT

This update lays bare a marriage torn apart by irreconcilable views on parenting and a husband’s refusal to break from harmful traditions. The mother’s decision to pursue divorce, after learning her husband struck their toddler and justified it as cultural, marks a courageous stand for her son’s safety. His escalation to verbal aggression and dismissal of the act as “not serious” only deepens the rift, while his custody claim paints her as unfit for rejecting physical discipline.

Child psychologist Dr. Alan Kazdin states, “Corporal punishment, even if ‘mild,’ risks emotional harm and teaches children to solve conflicts with violence.” The husband’s technique—wrapping a spoon to avoid marks—reveals a calculated approach, not a cultural mandate, contradicting his claim that “every Latin American parent” does this. Research backs the mother’s stance: a 2021 study in Pediatrics found that physical discipline in early childhood correlates with increased behavioral issues and anxiety, undermining claims of “resilience.”

This reflects a broader issue: cultural norms versus child welfare. While some cultures historically normalized corporal punishment, global shifts—evidenced by bans in 60+ countries, including parts of Latin America—prioritize non-violent discipline. The husband’s racism accusation, as noted in the original post, appears manipulative, dodging accountability by framing criticism as cultural attack. The mother’s prior discussions about raising their son non-violently highlight a betrayal of shared values.

ADVERTISEMENT

For solutions, experts urge legal and emotional support. The mother should continue documenting evidence, like her husband’s confessions, to strengthen her custody case. Therapy could help her manage stress and process the divorce’s toll, while parenting classes might demonstrate her commitment to non-violent discipline. A restraining order may be needed if verbal aggression persists.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit’s community rallied with fierce support, condemning the husband’s actions and cheering the mother’s resolve. Here’s what they had to say:

DarkmatterBlack − Thanks for standing up for your kid, you’re a good mother. Your husband is an ass, to say the least; I have a Latina mother and she never even attempted to hit me once in my first 20 years of life (I moved to a different country when I got married) and actually defended me when my dad was about to hit me when I was around 7-8. Hitting oftentimes create adults with a lot of stress, anxiety and fear to voice out their feelings.

ADVERTISEMENT

[Reddit User] − I love how your ex just openly admits to physical abuse of a baby/toddler and thinks the judge will be on his side.. Boyo about to learn how El Norte handles that s**t.

Lazy-Instruction-600 − NTA. Hitting a baby is never ok. They can’t learn “discipline” at that stage, only fear and pain. You are doing the right thing OP. ETA: I am Hispanic and my mother and grandmother are too.

My grandmother was the sweetest, kindest soul you could ever meet. She never raised a finger to us in anger. All we got were hugs and kisses from her. My mother “disciplined” us as kids, but never in an abusive way and certainly not before we were old enough to understand.

ADVERTISEMENT

Fioreborn − Report them for child abuse. Even if it doesn't really go anywhere you'll have it on record and it will hinder his chances of custody. The fact you have messages where he admits to hitting the kid only strengthens the case. Supervised visits only. He is never to be left alone with the child.

Legitimate-Leg-9310 −  'he is doing the same, claiming that im an unfit mother for not teaching our son 'discipline'.. 'Yes, your honor, I should have primary custody because she doesn't beat him enough.' If he's representing himself, he's going to lose. If he's got a lawyer that's an ......interesting strategy, and you should be thankful he has such incompetent representation.

WhatTheActualFck1 − Read the old post- my mom, South American Latina woman, never hit us, her children. So he can go eff off. He is normalizing abuse and it’s gross.. Keep fighting, and hope everything works out!

ADVERTISEMENT

pataconconqueso − Im from latin america, my mom did hit me, i dont talk to her anymore didnt even invitr hernto my marriage , my dad never laid a hand on me, he was my witness when my wife and eloped. Yes itks common, but even latin American parents know to not hit their kids in the US because americans enforce rules way more than latin america does (and btw some lstin American countries are starting to crack down on beating kids).

Your husband is just a s**t parent. And it wouldn’t surprise me if his mother raised him to be useless and you have to do everything around the house.. Our culture is super misogynistic and violent towards women and children.

jaybalvinman − Yes, Latin Americans hit their kids. Some don't, but alot do. It's normalized for the most part. I got hit with belts, switches, wooden spoon, anything my parents could get their hands in. . I broke the generational trauma by not hitting my kids . I absolutely won't. That being said, I never understand how people just get married to whoever the f**k they want and not know these things. 

ADVERTISEMENT

EffectiveNo7681 − Imagine someone actually believing it's ok to hit a *baby!* I'm not a fan of children, but even I know that is never ok! Your ex and his mother are monsters. Children who are beaten are NOT more resilient! They're scared and usually have a whole mess of issues. I'm glad you're divorcing him! Make he comes nowhere near your baby.

FyvLeisure − Wow. He called you r**ist, then said the most stereotypical s**t about his own people.

These passionate responses laud the mother’s courage and debunk the husband’s cultural defense, but do they address her stress and legal fears? Is the husband a product of his upbringing, or simply unaccountable?

ADVERTISEMENT

This update weaves a sobering tale of a mother’s fight to break a cycle of violence, at the cost of her marriage and stability. Her stand against her husband and mother-in-law’s actions sparks a vital question: when does protecting a child outweigh cultural or family ties? Was divorce her only option, or could dialogue have salvaged trust? Readers, what would you do in a custody battle over clashing parenting values? Share your thoughts—let’s dive into this heartbreak!

For those who want to read the sequel: [UPDATE] My husband left the country
Share this post

Related Posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

2 Comments