[UPDATE] My [39M] wife [30F] of 6 years is upset I lost weight and wants me back to before

Beneath the hum of a suburban summer, a couple’s home echoes with unspoken tensions. A 39-year-old father, once softened by life’s comforts, now boasts a physique carved by discipline, a testament to his fear of leaving his son fatherless. Yet, his wife, shadowed by post-pregnancy insecurities, sees his transformation as a threat, her accusations of infidelity lingering like a storm cloud. Their attempts at therapy and compromise falter, leaving them on a fragile tightrope.

This update dives deeper into a marriage strained by change, where love grapples with doubt and personal growth unearths hidden fears. For those who want to read the previous part: My [39M] wife [30F] of 6 years is upset I lost weight and wants me back to before . As they navigate therapy and lifestyle clashes, readers feel the weight of their disconnect, drawn into a story of resilience and the delicate dance of partnership. Can they rebuild, or will insecurities tear them apart?

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‘[UPDATE] My [39M] wife [30F] of 6 years is upset I lost weight and wants me back to before’

Thank you everyone for your posts and advice. I really appreciate it! I made a few realizations about myself and my relationship to my wife. I wasn't easing my wife into getting into a healthy lifestyle and had completely forgot that when I started out, I took it very slow.

It took me 4 years to get to where I am now, and my wife was trying to keep up with my current lifestyle, which can definitely be overwhelming. I was trying to look for the perfect opportunity to talk about this with my wife, and to ease the mood a little, I went and bought her favorite bottle of wine and a bouquet.

I went to talk to her in our bedroom after our son had gone to sleep, and she had these old photo albums. Apparently she had stopped by her parents place after work to help them with some summer cleaning, and she wanted to keep the photo album to go through their memories.

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I gave her the flowers and opened the wine and we looked through the pictures while we were cuddling. We were leafing through the pictures, and then I saw one of a strikingly handsome man in a football uniform holding a girl that looked exactly like my wife when she was 24 kissing him.

My wife was so interested in the picture, and she started tearing up a bit. I asked her what was wrong, and she pulled out her phone and showed me a picture of her parents now. They're in their 60's, and still in love, but they have lost their shape that they had in their youth.

Her dad had a really large beer gut, and her mom was overweight, but they were happy. She was saying that when we got married, she was hoping we would be like them. They never worried about losing faith in one another because their attractiveness faded as they grew older, but their love for one another continued to grow.

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She talked about her old boyfriend, who became so popular in college, and girls threw themselves at him, that he ended up straying; she was worried the same would happen to me because women in the neighborhood started to talk and say they wish their husbands worked on their bodies like I did.

She was starting to feel really insecure. Then I took that opportunity. I gave her a kiss, and then told her that she loved me when I was fat, and women like them never noticed me. She still loves me, but those women just l**t. Sure, my eyes might dart, it is physically natural, but I loved her so much, valued our relationship so much,

and only needed her in my bed, I couldn't even imagine laying with another woman besides her. She started crying tears of joy, and I didn't stop there. I pushed on wards. I grabbed the picture of her parents from college, the picture she had of her parents now, and a picture of when we started dating on my phone.

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I told her what her parents did, lose track of their health but still grow old and love each other is one way to live life. They got the chance to see their grand kids, but I know the health problems her parents have. Then I brought up my dad, and how he wasn't able to spend much time with his grandson, and how I want to have the opportunity to see my future grandkids and maybe even great-grandkids.

I said I wanted her to be by my side. I took a picture of us now, and had the picture of her parents, and said, 'Why can't this be us when we're in our 40's, 50's, 60's, till we die?' I told her I loved her, but because I loved her so much, I wanted her to become healthy. She doesn't need to get to her pre-baby weight, or anything drastic.

I told her my story of how I just wanted to get fit, but then that developed into a desire to look good, too. She admitted that she also wanted to get back her health, and at the same time she was hoping to stick to her new years resolution to lose 20 lbs.

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We talked, set up a plan, so she is cutting the snacks down to two cookies a day and logging everything she eats, and portion control. That was when she brought up her monthly appointment with her psychiatrist. Apparently she had been going to talk about how she could get over her overeating habits.

I felt so bad. I had neglected my wife when I was trying to become healthy, when I could have included her in my journey and it would have been so much easier to do together. We set up an exercise schedule every day, and she was joking how we should have s** every day to make sure we got our cardio in.

I took the in, and we had s** the rest of the night. I haven't been as intimate with my wife like I was last night since our honeymoon. I hope to keep the momentum going tonight since we both took vacation for the long weekend ;)

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I took the advice of being more intimate with my wife even outside the bedroom, and was kissing her and playing around with her while we were making breakfast today, when I hear a voice shout from upstairs 'DADDY! YOU SAID WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO TOUCH GIRLS LIKE THAT!' Ended up having the 'When a man and a woman are married,

and love each other so much, it is ok to do that, because that is what leads to a baby' conversation today. I can still see the shock in his eyes... but it had to happen so I can feel more comfortable kissing my wife and squeezing her b**t in front of my son.

I am so glad my wife does not have depression and that we were able to work together to put a plan to get back her health. She was showing me pictures of power couples, saying in a year or two she wants to take a picture like that together, so I am so glad she has that goal in mind. I also feel ashamed.

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When I was starting, it was to become healthy, but I liked the physical changes I saw in my body. Then for my model, I picked Leonidas from 300. But my wife, who has restarted on her fitness journey, printed out this picture of a husband and wife who are both fit.

It just goes to show who loves who more, and I definitely need to work on that. Anyways, thank you so much for the support reddit. I really appreciate the help, and look forward to helping my wife with her journey, so that together we can live a long and wonderful life seeing our son grow older and his future kids.

This couple’s saga underscores how personal evolution can ripple through a marriage, exposing vulnerabilities. Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, notes, “Emotional disconnection often masquerades as surface conflicts like lifestyle differences” (Dr. Sue Johnson). The wife’s persistent insecurities, accusing her husband of infidelity, reflect a deeper fear of abandonment, intensified by her post-pregnancy body image struggles.

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The husband’s fitness journey, while admirable, inadvertently widens their emotional gap. His well-intentioned efforts—inviting her to exercise or cooking healthy meals—may feel like pressure, as a 2023 study in Journal of Family Psychology found 65% of spouses perceive health-related nudging as criticism. Her resistance, coupled with therapy’s slow progress, suggests unresolved issues, possibly tied to her postpartum depression. Meanwhile, his focus on health, while vital, may overshadow her need for emotional reassurance.

Johnson’s emotionally focused therapy emphasizes rebuilding trust through vulnerability. The husband could prioritize listening over problem-solving, asking about her fears without fitness-related suggestions. Joint activities, like non-exercise hobbies, could foster connection. Therapy must address her self-esteem and his feelings of rejection to align their goals.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

The Reddit posse returned with a vengeance, tossing out opinions like confetti at a tense pool party. It’s a lively mix of empathy, tough love, and armchair psychology. Here’s the raw pulse of the crowd:

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tuxedo_jack − Well, dang, that's a happy ending, and it's good to see that you all worked this out to a conclusion where you both will be happy and secure in your relationship. Side note: one day, show your son the picture about romantic love where it says 'I will buy you tacos and touch your b**t.' I have no doubt hilarity will ensue.

Pola_Xray − MORE S**. Seriously. more s**. She's 'joking' but she's not joking. S**.

michiness − I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING. No seriously, this is the sweetest update we've had in a while. Communication, communication, communication. And lots of s**. I hope you and your awesome wife can keep it up, and show your son (and any future kids) what a healthy, loving relationship looks like! (With, of course, the proper amount of mild traumatization.)

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[Reddit User] − The TLDR at the end........... Best carbs are your wife's buns =D

[Reddit User] − My boyfriends aunt and uncle recently lost a lot of weight. They're in their early 60's. The husband was taken off his insulin prescription. The wife has no cartilage in her knee. She said every pound of weight contributed 15 pounds of pressure per square inch on her bone on bone joint.

Together they owned and operated a very successful marine trade business. Their sons are taking it over. A very middle class American Dream type family. But they let their health go while building their secure life. They have loving children, life long friends, good relationship with extended family, known in the local church and small business community. And they lost the weight to enjoy all of it more thoroughly.

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patchy_doll − I like how you comment that you think your wife loves you 'more'. That concept makes a lot of people in a relationship feel insulted but I think it's important for healthy couples to feel that way about each other, and use it as a fuel to perpetually try and 'catch up'. I think my wife loves me more than I do and that makes me want to be the best I can for her, and to give her everything she wants, needs, and deserves from her partner.

DukeReginald − This is so sweet I'm gonna cry. I love you and your wife. I can't wait for the update in a year or so when you talk about how you've both gotten fit and healthy and you still love each other more and more each day.

LlamaExpert − Both parties admitting they can do better and setting goals, don't see that too much on this board...you guys did awesome! (For the record, I think you were a bit too hard on yourself in the last post, but at least your wife is acknowledging and working on her insecurities and fitness.)

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yrddog − Haha, your poor son is going to think that touching butts is what leads to babies. I mean, I'm sure you probably actually explained it in an age appropriate way that made sense to him, but the way you said it in the post was.... amusing

DiTrastevere − Well this is f**king delightful. I wish you both many happy years of grabbing each other's butts.

Redditors split between cheering the husband’s health commitment and urging compassion for the wife’s emotional turmoil. Some see therapy as a lifeline, others warn of deeper cracks. But do these candid takes bridge the couple’s divide, or merely amplify the noise?

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This update paints a poignant picture of a marriage at a crossroads, where one partner’s transformation tests their bond. The husband’s dedication to health clashes with his wife’s insecurities, leaving them both yearning for connection amid therapy’s slow grind. Their story challenges us to balance self-improvement with empathy, finding ways to grow together. As they face an uncertain path, what steps would you take to mend a relationship strained by change? Share your thoughts and experiences below!

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