[UPDATE] My (32F) husband (33M) is maybe cheating with one of his students (18F), what do I do?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a Canadian home, where trust once anchored a seven-year marriage, a 32-year-old woman faced a storm of denial and gaslighting from her high school teacher husband. After uncovering his secret Snapchat and OnlyFans accounts tied to an 18-year-old former student, her confrontation unleashed lies and a chilling offer to quit teaching—revealing a deeper betrayal.

Her resolve to leave, fueled by disgust, pulls readers into a saga of heartbreak and ethical breaches. Her Reddit update, raw with anger, drew urgent calls for legal action and school reporting, as users rallied against her husband’s manipulation. It’s a stark tale of a wife’s fight for truth amid a crumbling marriage. Let’s explore her latest steps and the fallout.

For those who want to read the previous part: My (32F) husband (33M) is maybe cheating with one of his students (18F), what do I do?

‘[UPDATE] My (32F) husband (33M) is maybe cheating with one of his students (18F), what do I do?’

My post blew up and there were many updateme comments so I wanna to update. I read every single comment but there was too much to reply to.. To clarify some things: - No, I didn’t have pictures or screenshots of the snapchats or onlyfans. I was so upset I didn’t even think about it until afterwards and I thought there would be another chance to get them. I realized I fucked up.

For some of my early comments, my brain was still reeling. I am 100% leaving my husband, to make it clear. It took me some time to come to terms with what was actually happening and the fact that I was in denial but reddit helped me get there, so thanks. The comments were about 50/50 split between talking to a lawyer or my husband first.

The reality is that I didn’t think I had anywhere else to go at the time and I was so emotional last night and felt like I needed to know. I wanted to confront him and rip off the bandaid. He called me while I was still at work and I ended up telling him we needed to talk. He seemed thrown off by this and cancelled plans to stay in.

I didn’t get home for almost 3 hours after that, crying and deciding wtf to do. Ultimately I went home. If you’re ever in the same position, don’t do what I did. I wanted to follow the advice of many comments by basically saying “i know about her”, but I really wanted to get pictures of the evidence first, so I planned on playing it cool, saying never mind all is okay, until we went to sleep and then sneaking back on his phone.

I shouldn’t have said anything on the phone but my emotions got the better of me. But when I walked in the house, I immediately felt like he knew that I knew. He said “What’s up” super standoffishly, just seemed off and whatever I said on the phone must have tipped him off. Either that, or he was able to tell that I was on his phone in the morning somehow, pretending to be asleep? I’m not sure.

So I couldn’t control myself and got super emotional and confronted him on the spot. I asked if he had onlyfans (it was the first thing out of my mouth) and he literally said “No. What did you want to talk about”. I told him I knew that he did and he denied. I told him I went on his phone this morning and scoffed and walked away.

I followed him crying and screaming that I knew he had only fans and snapchat that I was leaving him and finally cried out something about cheating with his students. When I said that he immediately turned around and asked what the f**k I was talking about. I told him that I knew about The Girl (18F) and his face genuinely turned into somebody I don’t know.

He immediately began yelling in my face that I don’t know what I was talking about, how dare me accuse him of sleeping with his students, that I’m crazy and trying to ruin his life. I was screaming at him back. I told him to open his phone and prove it and he laughed in my face about how stupid somebody would be to do what I’m accusing him of and basically threw his phone at my face and said “knock yourself out”.

As people can probably guess, there was nothing. He definitely knew before I got home. He was logged out of snapchat and when I asked him to log in and stop lying, he logged into a different account and asked me if I would “drop it now”. The first one had just 18F and a few AI account things. This one had all his old college group chats and other people (including me).

He gaslit me and swore he didn’t have another account. He even suggested that I dreamt all of this. At one point he finally “admitted” that he subscribed to an OF for a streamer during one of our intimacy lulls but never a student and he swore he lied because he loved me and doesn’t engage in that kind of behaviour anymore. It was just hours of lies and gaslighting.

He said that he knew which student I was talking about but that he’s never spoken to her or taught her. He didn’t recall the movie theatre incident and accused me of imagining it too. He denied receiving a snapchat at all a few nights ago when I first saw it. He denied acting shady the days before. He denied everything. I was absolutely disgusted by him the whole night.

As the conversation went on, he started to talk about how he’s going to get us marriage counselling, that my trust issues can be worked on and he would leave teaching if it’s what it took for me to stay, but never admitted to anything with a student. Admittedly, I was starting to get a bit of a gaslight fog about the situation, believing some of what he was saying.

But when he volunteered to leave teaching, I KNEW it was worse than I knew. Because teaching is his everything, he gave up an amazing opportunity which would have made him 3-4x the money and way more recognition to teach and has never complained about his job a day in his life. We both know he loves his job more than he loves me.

If this was truly all a misunderstanding, or if it was a one-off with a graduated non-student, I just think he would do more to protect his job and his career, he wouldn’t just leave over crazy behaviour from me. That immediately told me everything I needed to know - that he was panicking on the inside about me leaving and me telling people.

Maybe because more happened with 18F than what I know, maybe because he’s done this before, I’m not sure. But he fucked up bad. It’s so late I was so exhausted and I feigned agreement in working through it and told him I could move past it but I was obviously lying. I need time to get s**t in order. He is sleeping in the guest room tonight.

I told him I would need a lot of space and he said he was okay with that. He left is phone in our bedroom for the night as a “peace offering”. I hate his f**king guts. I have so many things on my mind right now: what the f**k to do, how to get a lawyer, if i should tell my family, if i should tell the school, the fact that I have no proof but I KNOW what I saw. Ugh.

The fact that I’ll be 33 and divorced. Above all - the fact that my husband may have slept with this girl (that’s my gut telling me, because he kept repeating that he would never sleep with his students, over and over, when I was using words like cheat with, look at porn of or sext with). So that’s the update. I was gaslit and lied to.

I got no sleep last night but still went to work this morning to get away from him. He hasn’t texted me or called all day. I want nothing more than to go to the school with this info, my heartbreak is gone and i’m just angry and disgusted and want to right his wrongs, but I need him to admit to it so I can know how bad it is and I don’t think he will.

I was thinking of telling him that I reached out to the girl (I’m not going to) and see if that freaks him out enough to come clean, but what if she doesn’t know/he’s using a fake account? Or just saying I have proof, even though I dont. Anybody have any good ideas? In the mean time, looking for divorce lawyer asap.

Marriage demands honesty, but this husband’s gaslighting—denying apps, claiming she “dreamt” the evidence—shatters that trust. His engagement with a former student’s OnlyFans, even post-graduation, violates professional ethics and marital vows. Dr. Shirley Glass, an infidelity expert, notes, “Secretive behavior, even without physical infidelity, erodes relational safety.” His panicked offer to quit teaching, a career he cherishes, suggests guilt beyond what’s known, possibly fearing exposure.

The wife’s emotional turmoil reflects the damage of gaslighting, which can sow self-doubt and delay action. Her lack of screenshots complicates her case, but her testimony, as Reddit users emphasized, is evidence enough to warrant school investigation. The student’s age and graduation status don’t erase the power imbalance, as teacher-student boundaries extend beyond the classroom.

This case underscores broader issues of educator misconduct and spousal deception. His secrecy, coupled with the student’s crush observed at the theater, hints at grooming or inappropriate interest, risking future students’ safety. The wife’s fear of slander without proof is valid, but legal and school action can validate her claims without requiring her to extract a confession.

A divorce lawyer is critical to protect her assets and navigate separation, with guidance on gathering financial records or hiring a private investigator for admissible evidence. Reporting to the school, even without screenshots, triggers an investigation that could uncover corroborating details, protecting others. Therapy can anchor her against gaslighting, rebuilding clarity and strength. Her decision to feign reconciliation for now shows strategic thinking, but prioritizing safety and legal counsel is paramount.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

Reddit users united in outrage, urging swift action to counter the husband’s lies. Many, including a law professor, stressed that her account of the apps and student’s identity is evidence enough for the school to investigate, warning against further confrontation due to safety risks. Others highlighted his offer to quit teaching as a red flag, suggesting deeper misconduct or prior incidents.

Some advised preserving any remaining digital traces, like bank records, while cautioning against contacting the student to avoid legal complications. These fervent takes, spiked with Reddit’s blunt urgency, push for divorce, school reporting, and emotional recovery. They reflect a collective demand for justice and her protection from manipulation.

Even_Budget2078 − OP, first of all, I am glad you are safe. I was very concerned your husband might hurt you when he realized you knew about the student. I know you got so many comments, I am the law professor from your earlier post. Please get a lawyer and then go directly to the school.

You don't need 'proof' in the way that you mean. You tell them exactly what you found and they will open an investigation. As you already know, this girl's friends know what is going on. It will not take long for whatever the specific facts are to unravel. Also, you do have 'evidence'. Your testimony about what *you saw* is evidence.

Yes, the school will need to *corroborate* your statement, that is their job btw, but you certainly have evidence sufficient to alert the school at this point. Please do so. I'm not going to repeat what I said earlier about the many reasons why, but simply that I think you know it is the right thing to do to protect the students your husband has access to as a teacher.

I'm very sorry this happened and really hope that you also get therapy if you can to deal with all of this and your husband's gaslighting. ETA: I just want to respond to this comment because it's concerning: ' I want nothing more than to go to the school with this info, my heartbreak is gone and i’m just angry and disgusted and want to right his wrongs, **but I need him to admit to it so I can know how bad it is** and I don’t think he will.'

OP, you do NOT need him to admit anything to you in order to go to the school. You are not the intermediary here for him. The school will carry out its own investigation and the facts will then come out and you will know 'how bad it is'. You are not an investigator or prosecutor of your husband.

You have evidence of a concerning nature about the safety and welfare of students involving a teacher at the school. What else is there is not your job to find. I would really advise you do not engage directly with your husband anymore on this topic. He has already become extremely angry with you for raising it and you pushing for information is going to be interpreted as a threat from him.

Please disengage asap from your husband, leave this in the hands of the school, and get to a safe place where you can organize your divorce. Do you have somewhere you can stay? Go there. Do not talk to your husband and definitely don't tell him things to see if it 'freaks him out enough to come clean'. This is extraordinarily dangerous. Please do not do any such thing.

Extension_Accident47 − You don't need proof. You know what you saw, you saw the red flags last night. Hire a lawyer and get the divorce processed started before things get any worse. Your husband has a lot to loose, don't let him pull you down with him. Get out ASAP.

Dear-Midnight − I want to prove to him that he can’t lie to me and get away with doing this.. Let go of that. I was a teacher. Believe me, if a teacher is involved with a student, you do not need proof for every other teacher and school administrator within a hundred mile radius to hear about it.. Evidence doesn't affect that.

YokoSauonji12 − As you said he probably proposed to leave his job cause if you got proofs and reported him he not only would have lost his job but could also have difficulties finding one.🙂🙂🙂

Throw_RA099 − Your husband is having an emotional affair with this young girl, which has also likely turned physical based on his reaction and gaslighting. Instead of being calm and trying to alleviate your concerns, he became defensive and angry when you were getting warm as to what was happening.  Speak with an attorney to initiate divorce proceedings and look up Grey rock and 180. I'm so sorry this happened.

[Reddit User] − If he never taught the student and didn't remember the theater incident, how did he even know which student you were talking about? I used to teach. Unless a student spoke with me after class or something, I didn't really know the names of students I didn't teach. The only exception is if they were causing trouble and coworkers talked about them all the time. 

[Reddit User] − Evidence to help with divorce… you need to gather information and details of financials… I would also…. Down load only fans and do forgotten password. Log out of snap and do forgotten password. Get access to his bank details… check for payments to only fans - subscriptions and report to only fans as fraudulent. See what that uncovers.

Go to WhatsApp and click to start new message and eee of her picture comes up if he saved her number down. Go to insta and see if they follow each other. Then go to her account and see who follows her for any clue of what you partners name could be.. Go to his phone bill and see any unusual numbers.

He has a secret email address - go to emails on his phone and try them on the log in details. Go through his pictures - he may have forgotten delete.. Keep his phone. Don’t hand it back and get someone who is tech savvy to go through it… pay

trishsf − First. Get an attorney. Follow the advice of said attorney. Second. Any chance of contacting this girls parents? I’m sure they would have a better chance of finding proof and have every reason to want to do so.

Dear-Midnight − Get a lawyer.

delalooney − Proud of you! Talk to a lawyer, in the meantime 'make nice' with him so as not to raise more alarm bells. Good luck, and it's ok to get divorced mid 30s - you'll find someone more worthy of your heart I promise

This woman’s story is a gut-wrenching reminder that betrayal thrives in secrecy, especially when cloaked in gaslighting. Her husband’s lies and unethical ties to a former student unravel not just their marriage but his professional integrity, leaving her to navigate a path forward with no proof but unshakable certainty.

Reddit’s rallying cry for legal action and school reporting empowers her to seek truth and safety. Have you ever faced a partner’s denial in the face of betrayal? How did you find clarity? Share your thoughts below and let’s unravel this intense tale of deception and determination.

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