[UPDATE] My [31F] husband [33M] of 4 years has a weird relationship with his pregnant coworker [23F]. I’m not sure if I should be worried or not?

Step into a tense suburban bedroom, where a 31-year-old woman confronts the wreckage of her four-year marriage. Her husband’s lavish support for his pregnant coworker—once dismissed as charity—unravels as a cover for an affair and a possible child, confirmed by a cruel message from the coworker herself.

Reeling from lies and gaslighting, she weighs divorce against her husband’s pleas for counseling, torn between pain and the pull of their shared past. Was she right to seek answers, or should she forgive his betrayal? Let’s dive into this Reddit update, where trust shatters and a new path emerges.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] My [31F] husband [33M] of 4 years has a weird relationship with his pregnant coworker [23F]. I’m not sure if I should be worried or not?’

Husband has spent a lot of time and money helping his pregnant coworker. This makes me uncomfortable, but he says I am being greedy for trying to discourage him from doing a good deed. Am I worrying over nothing, or are my concerns justified?. *** Since many of you asked for an update, and you were kind enough to offer advice, I have decided to give one.

The first thing I did after making my initial post was to confront my husband directly again. I asked him point blank if he was so involved with Kelsey's pregnancy because he was the father of her child. He denied it. I then asked him to introduce me to Kelsey since he had given her money that belonged to both of us.

When I mentioned this, he got very defensive and accused me of being insecure. I responded by saying that I at least had a right to know the person I was helping and that he shouldn't have a problem with me meeting Kelsey if nothing was going on between them. He then told me that he wasn't going to introduce us and that I needed to work on my jealousy issues.

I decided to contact Kelsey the next day. I found her, or at least the woman I thought was her, through a mutual friend's Facebook page. I sent her a message telling her who I was. I explained to her why I was concerned about her relationship with my husband and requested that she please let me know if she was having my husband's baby.

She sent me a very n**ty message back. I will spare you many of the details. The basic gist was that I was old and unattractive and unable to satisfy my husband, so he found someone better (i.e., Kelsey). Among other things, she claimed that the baby was my husband's and that he was planning to leave me but felt sorry for me and couldn't bring himself to do it.

She ended the message by telling me that I should let him go so they could be together. It hurt a lot to read that message. It still hurts me to think about it. I confronted my husband that same night. I showed him the message. He got really quiet and admitted that she was telling the truth but denied telling her all of the horrible things she said about me.

He said it (getting her pregnant) was a mistake and he was only trying to do the right thing by her and the baby. He denied that they were still sleeping together and said he wanted to stay with me and have a baby with me. I have no idea if either of these things are true. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Everything has happened so fast.

A couple of days have passed now, and I'm still thinking things over. He wants us to go to counseling to try to work through this, but I don't think I'm interested in working on our marriage. It would be hard for me to get past this if he had cheated, but the fact that he may be having a child with this woman makes it harder.

If I stay with him, she's always going to be in our lives. I have thought about waiting until we can do a paternity test to make a final decision, but I don't know if I want to do that either. It may be easier if I just make the change now. I have started looking for divorce attorneys.

Most of my family and friends have told me I need to get out of this marriage, and each day I get closer to making that move. I just need a bit more time before I'm ready to make a decision. **tl;dr**: It's my husband's baby. He wants me back and to work on our marriage, but most likely we'll be getting divorced.

Infidelity is a devastating breach, and this husband’s affair, coupled with a potential child, compounds the betrayal with secrecy and manipulation. His initial denial and gaslighting—accusing his wife of jealousy—reveal a pattern of deceit, while the coworker’s vicious message adds insult to injury.

Relationship therapist Dr. Shirley Glass notes, “Rebuilding after infidelity requires full transparency and accountability, which is impossible without trust” (Not Just Friends). The husband’s belated confession, only after being cornered, and his failure to defend his wife against the coworker’s insults undermine his plea for counseling.

This reflects a broader issue: hidden affairs with lasting consequences, like a child, reshape family dynamics irreversibly. A 2022 study in the Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy found 75% of couples struggle to recover from infidelity involving a third party’s child (Taylor & Francis Online). The wife’s inclination toward divorce, supported by family and friends, aligns with her need for self-preservation, especially given the coworker’s ongoing presence. Her hesitation about a paternity test reflects emotional exhaustion, not indecision.

Dr. Glass advises “prioritizing personal healing over salvaging a broken marriage.” The wife’s outreach to divorce attorneys is a proactive step, and therapy—individual, not couples—could help her process the trauma and rebuild confidence. Her family’s support is crucial to counter the coworker’s cruel words.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit erupted with fury and solidarity, condemning the husband’s deceit and urging the wife to prioritize her future. Here’s the community’s unfiltered response to this marital catastrophe.

[Reddit User] − Don't go back to him. You deserve so much better. He was willing to hide it, he's only sorry that he got caught.

sleepfight − Divorce him. *The basic gist was that I was old and unattractive and unable to satisfy my husband, so he found someone better*. Whatever you do, please do not take this woman's words to heart. She is an awful human being, and your husband is as well.

Barbary − Not only did he cheat on you and impregnate someone, he lied to your face and gaslit you to make YOU feel crazy and wrong. There is no saving this travesty

tothebath − He has shown you who he is - believe him. He is the man who will cheat on you, who will lie to you, who will get someone else pregnant, and who will use your money to support this other woman. What kind of life could you two have together now? First, this woman (who hates you) will always be in it. Second, he has a child who he needs to take responsibility for.

That means you may be caring for another woman's child or at the very least, a significant part of your household income will go to support this child. He made so many choices that have brought him to this point. Now you need to make yours - know that you deserve better, contact a lawyer, and begin divorce proceedings. There's a better future that awaits you, I promise.

ShelfLifeInc − Wow, your (ex)husband is scum. He cheated on you, got another woman pregant, kept committing *your* money to taking care of her, acted as though *you* were the jealous one when you expressed feeling uncomfortable, and lied every step of the way.

A man with a shred of morality would have confessed as soon as his mistress got pregnant. Instead, he...expected you to be okay with him playing Daddy to another woman's child whilst keeping the child's paternity a secret?. he was only trying to do the right thing by her and the baby.. And what about doing the right thing by you, his *wife*?

There is no forgiving this. Cut him out of your life, let him have his babymama and begin a life afresh.. EDIT: I found your old post - I asked him if he could see how this situation could make me uncomfortable and how it might lead me to think something was going on between them. He said that he was disappointed that I would think his good deed was anything other than him trying to help a coworker.

He has been giving me the silent treatment since that fight and making passive-aggressive comments, which is frustrating. Seriously, this guy is amongst the worst scum I have seen on this subreddit. Leave and know that the best years of your life are ahead of you.

TreatYoSelves − He got caught. That is the only reason he is saying any of that crap to you. You need to get put of your marriage. This is not a man who loves or even respects you. Sorry you are going through this.

jilliefish − Thank God you can get out of this relationship before you had children.

[Reddit User] − He lied to you repeatedly about cheating on you. He then told me that he wasn't going to introduce us and that I needed to work on my jealousy issues.. Then he tried to turn it around and blame the situation on you. Was he ever planning on telling you,

or was he going to keep making payments to this woman for the next 18 years? Did he defend you against Kelsey after she was rude to you on facebook?. He has not done one good thing since his 'mistake'.. You don't want to waste your life on those two. Please leave him and find an honest man.

oh_boisterous − Honestly, even if it's not his baby, could you ever get past this? Not only did he lie to you, he almost impregnated another person (assuming the kid's not his), and spent hundreds of your money on the other woman. Let him go be with the p**cho he knocked up so you can go off and be happy with someone who doesn't suck.

[Reddit User] − He wants us to go to counseling to try to work through this. Oh so now he wants to work on the marriage. Divorce, OP. No question, no hesitation, divorce him and never, ever look back. You deserve so much better. No one should ever be cheated on, let alone shackled to an unfaithful spouse while they have a child with someone else.

Just think about it, if you hadn't pushed the issue, he would have kept this hidden from you. Also, you might want to get tested for STDs, just in case, because God knows with whom else he or the other woman might have been sleeping with and you don't want to risk your health any more than your unfaithful husband already has.

Stick with your family and friends, they want what's best for you and they know that staying involved with this man will irreparably harm you in the long run, so please, for your own sake, cut all contact, except through lawyers, and never allow him to set one foot in your life again. What once may have been your marriage, he wrecked completely of his own free will.

These Reddit takes are raw, but do they capture the full picture? Perhaps the husband’s remorse is genuine but too late, or the wife’s strength is her true anchor.

This story of lies, a secret child, and a crumbling marriage poses a gut-wrenching question: when does betrayal demand a clean break? The wife’s journey from suspicion to confronting the truth isn’t about revenge—it’s about reclaiming her worth. Marriage requires trust, not excuses for infidelity. If you faced a partner’s affair with lifelong consequences, would you walk away or cling to hope? Share your thoughts below and let’s unpack this heart-shattering Reddit update!

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