[UPDATE]: I (34M) think my wife (32F) is cheating on me

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In a suburban home bustling with the laughter of young children, a husband’s heart sinks as his wife’s unexplained absences pile up, each cloaked in lies. What began as a small fib unraveled into a web of secrecy, with a GPS tracker and private investigator exposing clandestine meetings and an intimate kiss with another woman. As denials clash with damning photos, the marriage teeters on the edge of collapse, gripped by betrayal and unanswered questions.

This wrenching tale of suspicion and shattered trust pulls readers into a storm of doubt and discovery. The husband’s pursuit of truth, now armed with the other woman’s identity, collides with his wife’s stubborn refusal to confess, painting a raw portrait of a relationship in crisis. As the stakes rise, this story invites us to ponder the cost of deception and the courage it takes to face an unraveling bond.

For those who want to read the previous part: I (M34) think my wife (F32) is cheating on me, please help

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‘[UPDATE]: I (34M) think my wife (32F) is cheating on me’

Original post from a few weeks ago:I travel a lot for work. I’m usually gone Tuesday through Thursday 3 times a month. My wife is a stay at home mother for our two children 3 and 5. We have a nanny that helps out 4 days a week during the day, so that my wife can take care of her errands and shopping.

About 6 months ago I caught my wife in a lie. Not a big lie just her telling me she was somewhere when I knew she wasn’t. It bothered me but not to the point where I was extremely concerned. Then a week before the 4th of July I came home early from my trip I wanted to surprise her, the next day was the anniversary of the day we had met.

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I had also received a fairly large bonus two weeks earlier and was going to surprise her with the trip I booked for us to go to St Martin for a week. It was late when I got in from the airport around 11:30pm and we had FaceTimed about three hours earlier so I could see her and the kids.

She never mentioned anything about going out that night. When I got home the nanny was there, she said to me that my wife had left about an hour and a half ago. I texted my wife asked her what she was up too, and she responded saying she was about to go to bed. I said thats funny because I just got home and you’re not here.

When she got home she was telling me that she was just out with two of her friends, she named them, and just didn’t want me upset that she wasn’t home with the kids (usually one of our parents would watch the kids at night we had never used the nanny before), I didn’t really buy her excuse, but I had no proof and she wasn’t admitting to anything.

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The next day I ordered a gps tracker for her vehicle. I haven’t told her about it. And since then I have caught her in several lies, and I’m not even trying to set her up. She is just telling me she is at one place and I can see she is clearly not.

Should I confront her with what I did and why is she lying to me or hire a private investigator to get proof of infidelity if it is happening? I hired a private investigator, gave him a lot of information. My wife has been acting normal all day. We had plans tonight, I canceled told her I was not feeling well (which is the truth).

I don’t think anything else will happen until I leave Tuesday morning. I plan on calling my friend who is an attorney on Monday, even though he is not a divorce lawyer I’m sure he can point me in the right direction. Thanks for all the kind words and a few not so kind. I’ll update when the PI does his thing.

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Update: so I hired a private investigator to follow my wife when I left on Tuesday. He first followed her to the grocery store, he said he saw her purchase two visa gift cards. He told me that could be how she is paying the nanny for the extra time without giving her a check or CC.

She left the house for a second time around 12:30 pm and went to the same location she has been going to. He witnessed an suv pull up and she got in. He followed the vehicle to a gated community where he lost sight of them. He was not able to view the driver due to the dark tint.

He has a realtor license and used that to get in, but by the time he got to the house they were already inside. They were there for about 3.5 hours. He then saw my wife and another lady leave the house in the same vehicle, he followed them back to where my wife’s car was parked. She went home and didn’t leave the rest of the day.

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Wednesday 8/14 she went to a few shops with the kids. That night around 9:15 (I FaceTimed her and the kids around 8:30) she left and went to the same location. She again met with the same women. This time they went to a restaurant and ate for a little over an hour, then back to her house til 1:15am.

She was again dropped off at her car and then went home. So there was no guy involved at least this week, but she never told me she was going out for dinner or anything. I really don’t know what to do now. The PI was pretty expensive I’m not sure I want to hire him again. Not sure if I should confront her or just try an get more information on my own.

Update: so these last few weeks have been difficult. I kept the PI following her when I have been out of town. It has been the same thing she meets at the same place and the same woman picks her up. This Wednesday they went to dinner instead of her house. The PI got a photo of them embracing and a single kiss when they got to the place where my wife parks. The kiss is not something just friends would do.

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This is the first real evidence I have gotten, other than just strong suspicion. I flew home a day early, and last night I confronted her with the photos. I didn’t tell her how I got them or that I had hired a PI. I asked her to explain why she was cheating and how long it had been going on.

She basically denied everything and said that they were just friends. She then tried to accuse me of spying on her and invading her privacy. I couldn’t believe it, even with the photos and her lying she wanted to blame me. I haven’t moved forward with the divorce or anything yet, I’m still hoping she will come clean and tell me the truth.

Update: so I have the woman’s name,age and where she works from the PI. She is single no kids, she has a Facebook account but no personal information on relationship status or recent posts or likes and she is not friends with my wife. No instagram or Twitter that he can find either. I think I’m done with him he found out enough.

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A husband’s world crumbles as evidence of his wife’s affair with another woman surfaces, yet her denials and blame-shifting deepen the wound. Her secret meetings, marked by lies and an intimate kiss, confirm a breach of trust, while her refusal to confess stalls any hope of resolution, leaving him stranded in a haze of betrayal.

Infidelity fractures relationships, with a 2024 American Psychological Association study noting that 60% of marriages facing affairs end in divorce, often due to persistent dishonesty. Her secrecy, paired with gift card purchases, suggests calculated deception, possibly to hide financial trails, a tactic seen in premeditated affairs.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, in a 2023 Psychology Today article, states, “Trust is rebuilt through accountability, not defensiveness.” Her accusations of spying dodge responsibility, undermining reconciliation. The husband’s discovery of the other woman’s identity strengthens his case but doesn’t guarantee closure.

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He should consult a divorce attorney to protect his assets and children, seek couples counseling if reconciliation is desired, and demand transparency, such as meeting her “friend.” Emotional support through therapy can help him navigate this crisis, whether toward healing or separation.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

The Reddit squad swooped in like detectives on a hot case, dishing out tough love and sharp advice. From calling for divorce to suggesting a face-to-face with the “friend,” their takes are a fiery mix of outrage and strategy. Here’s the raw scoop:

ElBurritoLuchador − I’m still hoping she will come clean and tell me the truth. Finding out the 'real truth' is just a waste of your time when she already demonstrated that she's a cheater. Remorseful people don't shift blame but instead own up to it which she didn't. Serve the divorce papers because she needs a reality check that her actions marked the end of your marriage.

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Cheddarcakes − Lying to your face. Secretly meeting another person for dates. Kissing them. Very clear affair dude or something shady and sounds like it has been going on for a long time. Even when confronted she turns it around on you ... Tell her you want to be introduced to this 'friend' and take them both to dinner. She will refuse and if she does hit her with divorce papers and pay the other woman a visit anyway.

[Reddit User] − Your wife is now batting for the other team. Go speak to a lawyer and find out where you stand. Hold off on confronting her until then but tell the lawyer all you have done, and what you now know. Once you have done that, then plan your next move, whether it be confronting with a view to reconciling or confronting with a view to splitting.. Good luck to you but think straight before doing anything.

Rageniv − Um... you accuse her of cheating AND SHE DOESN’T IMMEDIATELY EXPLAIN AND INTRODUCE YOU TO HER FRIEND?!!! Yeah red flags all around... even if you were completely wrong she could easily show you full transparency and boy would you feel stupid and owe her for not trusting her. And she would have a real claim to leaving you... But no... she accuses you of snooping etc. Red flags all around. She’s going to gaslight and trickle truth you to the end.

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SirEDCaLot − First, your wife is probably cheating with the woman, but **that doesn't matter**. What matters is that she is lying to you about it. It doesn't matter if that woman is an old college buddy and they just talk about old times, or if that woman is her lover and they are f**king each others brains out every day.

**What matters is that she is lying to you.** When you talk to her, keep the focus on that. She will of course try to swing the conversation toward why you had her followed etc. Shut that down. Tell her you trusted her completely because you assumed she'd never lie to you... until she lied to you.

So at this point it doesn't matter whether this person is a friend or a lover or a random person she met on the street; lying to your spouse is not okay for either of you to do, and if she wants any chance of saving her marriage it's time to stop lying and start telling the truth.

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You should be talking to a divorce lawyer. Whether you intend to divorce her or not, you should be talking to one. They will tell you if there's anything you need to do to safeguard your assets, and make sure if it comes to divorce that she doesn't take you to the cleaners. Give him a copy of the PI's stuff.

Finally, and most importantly, **I know you desperately want answers more than anything. But you need to understand that the answers you feel you need may never come.** Your wife may well keep insisting that this woman is just a friend, all the way up until the divorce is signed.

You may *never* get the full story of who that woman is or what their deal is. And that is the hardest part of this. I suggest focus on the fact that your wife is lying to you and going behind your back. IMHO, that's all you need to know.. Best of luck!

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vesperlindy − Food for thought: when my friend was planning on leaving her husband (he was terribly abusive), she'd buy gift cards at various stores and pay for them with the regular credit card so he'd be none the wiser.

She was a SAHM and at the time, that was her way of saving/setting aside some money without her husband noticing. I'm wondering if she is planning on leaving you for this woman (or anybody, or nobody) and is buying gift cards for her future self.

Zanzar1 − Wow , husband works over seas , have a stay at home wife that is cheating in him , can't be more classic.. I wish everything would come out all right.. So she is cheating with a woman?

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HerezahTip − Dude just divorce. There’s absolutely no trust or future. Cut your losses.

powabiatch − You don’t need proof of cheating, you already have proof of lying and b**lshit. That’s 10000% enough to get a divorce.

yellow-rain-coat − I saw another commenter say this. But, if they are just friends, ask her to introduce you to each other. No harm no foul, right? If she refuses, you know why.

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These Redditors cheer the husband’s resolve but urge him to act decisively. Do their calls for action cut through the fog, or do they risk oversimplifying a tangled mess? One thing’s clear: this saga of lies and hidden kisses has lit a firestorm of debate about loyalty and truth.

This story spins a gut-punch tale of a marriage battered by lies and a secret affair, with a husband clinging to hope for truth against his wife’s denials. The evidence of her infidelity, stark in photos and patterns, demands a reckoning, whether through confrontation or parting ways. As he weighs his next steps, the weight of trust’s fragility looms large. What would you do when faced with undeniable proof of a loved one’s betrayal? Share your thoughts below!

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