[UPDATE] I [21F] suspect that I might be my boyfriend [29M] of two years’ side chick.

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In a cozy café, a 21-year-old woman’s world crumbled as she scrolled through her boyfriend’s phone, uncovering a two-year lie. Tim, her charming partner, wasn’t just hers—he was living with Stephanie, another woman, while spinning tales of love and a shared future.

Her heart sank, but her resolve hardened. Fueled by betrayal and a flicker of defiance, she planned to confront Tim and warn Stephanie, refusing to let his deception define her. This isn’t just a story of heartbreak—it’s about reclaiming power in the face of lies. How do you move forward when trust shatters? Her journey sparks questions we’ve all faced.

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‘[UPDATE] I [21F] suspect that I might be my boyfriend [29M] of two years’ side chick.’

So, it's been a while. The story was developing and I didn't want to update without knowing anything for sure. I never expected my post to get so much attention, and minus the few comments and PMs about being a s**t, I really appreciate all of the input everyone had, and I read every single comment and message. So first off, thanks to everyone.

As many people suggested I do, I started with a conversation with Tim, where I made very very clear how much the whole situation bothered me and why it was an issue for me. I tried to show him things from my perspective and tried to make him understand why I was so upset. He said he understood and apologized profusely.

He cried and I cried. He said it was never his intention to hurt me and that he hadn't realized this had been such a large issue for me, and that he had been selfish about it. He said it was all going to change and that I would meet his friends and see where he's staying, and get to skype with his family, etc. etc. He said I was the most important part of his life here and that he can't imagine his life without me in it.

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He said he wants to find an apartment for us to live together and that when I'm done with school, he wants to go back home together for good. He also told me that the girl in the pictures was an old family friend, and that he was in the obituary because he still is close with the family and 'They still wish I was a part of the family'.

I decided to wait and see if he actually held up his end of things this time, and so we made up and all was well. What I didn't mention is that during my snooping phase before this conversation, I found the phone number to the landline where Stephanie lives and decided to give it a call asking for Tim.

Stephanie's dad answered and when I asked for Tim, he told me to call his cell phone because this was the landline. So, not exactly helpful... (Before you guys freak out about the dad thing, the house is like a duplex where the parents have their own half and Stephanie has her own half. This is not uncommon in small villages here.)

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A couple days after Tim and I talked, he texted me asking if I had called Stephanie's house asking for him. I decided not to lie and admitted it. He said that she texted him saying that some girl with an accent had called the house asking for him and he immediately thought that it must have been me. I explained that I did it because I felt desperate for answers and just wanted to know what was going on.

I also told him that it was inconclusive. He got very upset and said I had betrayed his trust and that I was acting like an insane person (he isn't exactly wrong about that part), but I explained that I felt forced to take such actions because I felt like I was never going to get any answers any other way. I apologized for the i**asion of privacy and for bothering Stephanie and her family.

After a few days, he calmed down and forgave me, saying however, that this may push back me meeting his friends because he told them what happened and they were pissed that I would treat him that way. I waited a few weeks to see if anything would change and unsurprisingly, it did not. So, this past weekend, he got very drunk one night and I was able to open his phone with his fingerprint while he was sleeping.

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I found texts from Stephanie from the day before talking about what they should make for dinner that night (he told me he was out of town for work that night). I found lots of hearts and 'I love yous' and even him using the same pet names for her as he does for me. He told her he was going out of town this weekend for work and how much he'd miss her.

I looked through the past few weeks of messages between them and saw that he had sent her quite a few of the same pictures that he had sent me. He had invited her to have a glass of wine with his buddy and her girlfriend. He picked her up from work multiple times, and there were lots of conversations about who was making dinner that night and what they should eat.

I went back and looked for dates where I knew he had slept over with me and he had always told her he was crashing at a friend's place or out of town for work or something along those lines.. I also found a group text message titled 'Family' that included Tim, his sister, his mom, and Stephanie. I looked at pictures of Stephanie that she had sent him and was able to very obviously see that it was her in the pictures that I found on Facebook.

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So you guys were right. For the last two years, he's been living with her and seeing me on the side. All the while telling me how much he loves and admires me and how we're going to have a future together. I have been duped and taken advantage of. And I feel like a complete i**ot because of it. I haven't talked to him yet, but when he comes over later in the week, I plan to tell him that I know everything.

I also plan to tell him that he is a complete a**hole. In my ideal conversation, he'd explain to me why he did this and what the f**k he was thinking during all this, but I am pretty sure those are just things that I'll never know or understand. Obviously I will break up with him. I also plan on contacting Stephanie with a letter telling my side of the story.

I will give her dates that I know he spent the night with me, so that she can cross check them with dates that he did not come home. I also plan to include a USB stick with pictures of Tim and me from the last 2 years and screenshots of some of our conversations from the last couple months. I can't make her believe me, but I want to at least do my best for her.

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I feel like I owe it to her as a fellow human being to let her know what kind of man she's been with for the last 4 years. I am open to absolutely any advice on my plan and on how to move forward from this. I won't lie; I feel so lost and so helpless right now. By breaking up with Tim, I'm losing a huge part of my life in this country, and I'm definitely going to be feeling this hole for a while.

So any help is appreciated.. Thank you guys so much for listening and sorry this is long af. I got carried away. tl;dr: Y'all were right. He's a lying, cheating a**hole. I found texts on his phone that Tim is still with Stephanie and that they live together. It was her in the pictures from when he went home in the summer. I'm going to break up with him and tell her about me. Any help or advice is greatly appreciated.

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

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Discovering a partner’s double life is like a punch to the gut, and this woman’s story lays bare the sting of betrayal. Tim’s deception—living with Stephanie while promising a future with his girlfriend—exploits trust, leaving her grappling with shame and anger. Her plan to confront him and inform Stephanie reflects a fierce reclaiming of agency, but it’s a delicate tightrope.

Such betrayals highlight the broader issue of emotional manipulation in relationships. Many face the fallout of infidelity, with studies showing 20-40% of relationships encounter cheating, often masked by lies. The woman’s instinct to verify her suspicions, even through questionable means, stems from desperation for truth—a common response when trust erodes.

Dr. Shirley Glass, a noted infidelity expert, said, “The betrayal of trust is the deepest wound in infidelity.” This rings true here: Tim’s lies cut deeper than his actions. Informing Stephanie first, as Reddit advises, protects the truth from Tim’s manipulation, empowering both women. A calm, factual letter with evidence—dates, photos, texts—ensures clarity without drama.

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Moving forward, the woman should prioritize self-care, perhaps journaling to process her grief, as Reddit users suggested. Cutting contact with Tim, blocking him, and leaning on friends can rebuild her strength. Confrontation may feel tempting, but ghosting preserves her safety and peace.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit didn’t hold back, dishing out fierce support and cautious warnings. Here’s the community’s take:

[Reddit User] − Actually, I wouldn't even meet with him and discuss it. Just ghost out on him. Don't take his calls don't allow him to come over and visit cut it off and go no contact.

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pinkmeanie − Do NOT do this: I plan to tell him that I know everything. I also plan to tell him that he is a complete a**hole. In my ideal conversation, he'd explain to me why he did this and what the f**k he was thinking during all this, but I am pretty sure those are just things that I'll never know or understand. Obviously I will break up with him.

This will, at best, give him time to get his story straight and cover his tracks. At worst it will result in him hiding your dead body.. DO do this: I also plan on contacting Stephanie with a letter telling my side of the story. I will give her dates that I know he spent the night with me,

so that she can cross check them with dates that he did not come home. I also plan to include a USB stick with pictures of Tim and me from the last 2 years and screenshots of some of our conversations from the last couple months. I can't make her believe me, but I want to at least do my best for her.

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If you send it using whatever your country's version of a registered letter is (the actual recipient needs to sign for it), it will have a better chance of getting to Stephanie. That goes double if it's in the mail at the same time or slightly before you start the ghosting, not after.

47Ronin − Nonononono. **DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ALLOW HIM BACK IN YOUR HOME**. I realize that you are mad and you want 'closure' by confronting him. *That is completely the wrong way to go about it.* Wait until he's gone. Get his s**t together, **change your locks**, or f**king **MOVE** if you that's even an option.

I wouldn't even meet with him. But **IF YOU MUST MEET WITH HIM, DO SO IN PUBLIC**, preferably with someone else there near you. Do not leave with him. Do not enter into private with him. **Do not break this news in private with him.** Even if you think he is not a violent person, **he may get violent when confronted with the consequences of his actions.

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** People who engage in this sociopathic level of deception when cheating have a much higher chance of posing a threat to others when their deception is revealed. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE for the love of tits take steps to protect yourself and do not take this lightly,

**especially** if you intend to interfere with his current relationship. The safest course of action here is to simply end it, cut him off completely, and move on with your life. **The feeling of 'justice' you get confronting him is not worth it.**. Seriously, I am not exaggerating in that this is how people f**king die.

cute_penguin − Tell Stephanie *before* you say anything to Tim! If you tell him first, it will give him the opportunity to tell Stephanie that he has some crazy stalker or some other b**lshit story to cover his tracks. Once you tell her, then just cut contact. Tim will know quite quickly why you are suddenly not responding to texts or phone calls.

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BoldMedicine − Check my post history. I went through nearly an identical situation but there was yet another girl. My advice at this point is to just disappear. My d**khead ex had been dating me for about 4 months before he got back with his ex and moved in with her, keeping me a secret. No one he knew knew about me at all.

He had the girl he was living with completely manipulated and wrapped around his finger; she was isolated from any form of communication. Everything came out when I actually Googled his parents' address and drove there and told his mom. His parents made him tell the girl but I know he must have painted me as some crazy person or something. He was a complete psychopath.

One thing that was awesome about this situation (for me at least) is that I was over him the instant I found out. We were dating for 13 months and I lost all romantic feelings for him immediately. I went through some severe depression centered around existentialism afterwards and wondered why he got away with it all and I had to suffer - I kept thinking, 'I was the secret, and at least SHE got to be public and meet his family.'

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But I have not once mourned the loss of him because I realized I never actually knew him - I knew an illusion. To this day (about three months after it all), I don't miss him - I'm glad he is the other girl's problem now. Maybe this will help you, maybe it won't. But believe me when I say I understand what you're going through.

You're feeling ashamed: 'How could I be so stupid? How could I believe those lies? How come I'm something he thought he needed to hide?' You're feeling angry: 'I'm a good person! I was an awesome girlfriend! I deserve to be treated better!' You're feeling screwed over: 'Why me?' You want vengeance; you want to ally with the other girl; you want to see him cower and cry and shamed.

Believe me, those things are awesome. But . . . you're still left with feeling abandoned. Ruined. Lost. Get a journal. I write in mine constantly (so I resist emailing him all the venom and spite I have generated). Go off Facebook for awhile. Try not to stay home (I spent a lot of time in coffee shops because my apartment just served as a reminder of the whole thing).

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But people like that - who manipulate and control everyone around them and lie about absolutely everything as easily as if they were exhaling - nothing you do or say will touch them. But if you do nothing - if you end it without being angry or even calling him names (I very calmly told him I was done; my mom watched it and she said that he clearly wanted to be yelled at), he will not have that control.

That's one thing I'm proud of myself for doing when I ended things; I just . . . vanished. I blocked him on everything. Refused to talk to him. Sorry if this is disjointed. Again, look at my post history (this is a throwaway account I made just for this incident). This situation sucked for me, it'll suck for you, but . . . life keeps on f**king going and just make sure he's far away from yours.

misseff − Please, please get this information to her before talking to him. He already has the 'advantage' in that you called their house. He might have already done some damage control and said some crazy girl is stalking him and that's who called. Don't give him the opportunity to do any more before you can send her the pictures, screenshots, etc. If he preemptively tells her to expect a package from a crazy person, she will probably not even look at it.

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DoneAllWrong − Take comfort in knowing that you have a backbone and are standing up for yourself. This guy is a con artist and you happened to get conned - that's it. Don't beat yourself up too much. Yes, you may have been able to confirm this sooner, but you chose to believe the best in him and give him the benefit of the doubt.

What matters the most is that you're rectifying the situation now. As for how to do this, be very matter of fact. I wouldn't look to him for answers. His only honest response would be 'because I'm a lying piece of s**t' and you're not getting that from him. Instead, focus on what you need to do for yourself. Give him the boot and take back the control.

ozogati − Gather the evidence and give it to Stephanie. Make it so she cannot deny what is in front of her. Tell her you were the one who called te house.. Don't talk to him again. Do not explain what happened. Just move on.

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Smokeahontas − I know it's tempting to want to have a conversation with him about this, but don't. You won't get any answers and you won't feel better, and in all likelihood he'll just try and make you feel crazy. Don't give this scumbag any time to do preemptive damage control with his girlfriend. Send her the pics, the screenshots, anything else you have.

Then ghost him. Block him everywhere you can block him. Set up a folder in your email so that anything he emails you will go directly to that folder. If you talk to him, he will try to justify and deny. Then he will make you out to be some 'crazy girl' that's obsessed with him to his girlfriend. Don't give him that chance.

fluorowhore − Go no contact with Tim. Call Stephanie today.

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These Reddit hot takes are fiery, but do they nail the best path forward? Is ghosting Tim the ultimate power move, or does Stephanie deserve the full story first?

This woman’s discovery of Tim’s double life is a gut-wrenching reminder that love can hide lies. Her plan to expose him and empower Stephanie shows grit, but the road to healing is long. How do you rebuild after such a betrayal? Would you confront the cheater, warn (continued in next section due to length constraints) share your thoughts below—have you faced a similar betrayal, or helped someone through one?

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