UPDATE: AITAH for telling my husband that I would’ve never agreed to have his child if I knew he would go back on our agreement?

In a home filled with the gentle hum of a baby monitor, a storm of regret and resolve brews quietly. A neurologist, whose passion for healing defines her, faced a gut-wrenching clash months ago when her husband wavered on his vow to care for their newborn daughter. For those who want to read the previous part: A Neurologist’s Battle. Now, she returns with an update—a tale of raw apologies, hard-won compromises, and a family finding its footing.

The scent of fresh starts lingers, but so does the weight of past words. Picture her, balancing a stethoscope and a stroller, as she learns to hear her husband’s fears without losing her own voice. Readers, this Reddit journey pulls you into a dance of trust and teamwork, asking: can love rebuild what anger cracked? Dive into a story that’s as tender as it is tough.

For those who want to read the previous part: AITAH for telling my husband that I would’ve never agreed to have his child if I knew he would go back on our agreement?

‘[UPDATE] AITAH for telling my husband that I would’ve never agreed to have his child if I knew he would go back on our agreement?’

Hi everyone, It's been a few months since I made my original post (I'm not sure how to link it, check my profile). I did NOT expect my post to get so much attention, and I was frankly o**rwhelmed by it. Thousands of comments, and hundreds of DMs, and I even found my post screenshotted and uploaded on Twitter.

To everyone who sent me kind and supportive DMs, thank you very much. I appreciate it more than you know. To those who sent me n**ty DMs, criticizing me as a mother, you are part of the reason why 40% of female doctors go part-time or leave medicine altogether within 6 years of completing their residencies.

Women can want a career and a family, like men have had for hundreds of years, this does not make us evil monsters. To those who sent me DMs seeking medical advice, I am not comfortable giving medical advice over Reddit and I sincerely hope that you find the care you need.

To those questioning why I was not on birth control, I addressed this more in a separate comment, but hormonal birth control DOES NOT WORK FOR EVERY WOMAN! Even board-certified OBGYNs will testify to this. After trying my best with every birth control under the sun for nearly 10 years, I decided condoms and pullout would be enough.

Was this a stupid decision? Yes. But 40% of doctors are overweight so we aren't always the best at taking care of our own health. Regardless, I have no regrets, I love my daughter and would not change a thing..

Ok now for the actual update: A few days after I made my original post, I realized how awful what I said to my husband was. No matter how upset I was, I never should have used our daughter as leverage in an argument.

Even if I had to quit my job tomorrow and become a single mom, I would still do it for her because I love her more than anything and I would choose her every time. I still feel awful that I said this, it was truly a terrible thing to say.

Another thing I dropped the ball on was not being more patient and accepting with my husband. For some context, my mother came from out of town to stay with us for the first 8 weeks after I gave birth.

My husband did contribute greatly, I'd honestly say they both did 50% of the work with the baby for the first week or so while I recovered, after that we split the work between the three of us.

So, for him to go from two people supporting him to being on his own for a whole weekend in a matter of about 10 days was obviously a huge shock and I should've realized this. His complaints about feeling trapped, o**rwhelmed, and alone are the exact reasons why I have no desire to be a SAHM.

Yes, we had a deal, but I should've given him space to express his concerns openly without me flipping s**t. I stayed at my sisters with our daughter for a few days after the fight to give my husband some space. He would come to visit her every day during this period, but we agreed not to talk yet.

When I came home, I apologized to him for mishandling the situation. To my surprise, he actually apologized too. He told me that he never intended to back out of our agreement, he just became so o**rwhelmed that he was unsure he was capable of caring for our daughter properly.

He apologized for giving up so fast and suggesting that I WFH, he told me that no matter what we decided to do, I should not leave my practice. At the end of his apologies, he said that he wanted to give being a stay-at-home dad another shot.

We then had a very long conversation about how we would handle things from there. He told me that caring for our daughter was not the overwhelming part, it was trying to keep up with the cooking and cleaning that was difficult. So, we decided to hire a maid and buy one of those meal kit delivery services.

He joined one of those new-parent support groups to help reduce his isolation. Three times a week, my sister-in-law has agreed to come over to babysit for a few hours so he can go to the gym or have some me-time. I also told him that if at any point he feels like he can't be a SAHD anymore, to please tell me.

I made it very clear that while I would be slightly disappointed, I would be much more disappointed knowing that he was burnt out and upset while caring for our daughter. Since this, we've also taken steps to strengthen our marriage, going on date nights once a week.

I don't yet feel comfortable leaving our daughter with anyone besides family so most of these

No, I do not think this happened. I honestly did not even bother asking my husband this, I felt that an accusation of this magnitude would be detrimental to our marriage, especially when it was already in such a fragile state. My husband has agreed to get a vasectomy, so we don't have any more

He is scheduled for later this year, and we are abstaining from PIV until then. This whole situation has made me realize I needed to go back to therapy, and I have been seeing my therapist for about six weeks now.

My CSA hadn't impacted my life for about 8 years prior to this, but having my daughter and dealing with postpartum anxiety has stirred up some really dark thoughts. I know that I am being overprotective due to my trauma, and I want to work through this so that I can be a good mother and a good partner.

A lot of people told me to leave my husband, and I'm sure a lot of people reading this may think that I'm making a mistake. I know that I am not. My husband had a weak moment and broke down, but he does not have a pattern of being unreliable, dishonest, or unsupportive.

He supported me through my final two years of med school, and throughout my residency. Please try to remember that my post highlighted the worst moment in our relationship, it did not show the 8 wonderful years we have had together.

Parenting deals can unravel like a poorly tied knot under pressure. In this update, a neurologist and her husband claw their way back from a bitter fight over his role as a stay-at-home dad. Her earlier outburst—regretting their daughter’s birth—wasn’t cruelty but panic, fearing her career and identity might slip away. His overwhelm wasn’t betrayal but a cry for help. Their mutual apologies mark a pivot toward partnership.

New parents often stumble. A 2024 study from the American Academy of Pediatrics found 45% of couples face role disputes in the first year post-birth (https://www.aap.org/en/research/). The husband’s isolation mirrors a common SAHD struggle—social stigma and endless chores can crush even eager parents. Her trauma-driven daycare fears add complexity, making compromise vital.

Dr. Sue Johnson, a couples therapy expert, says, “Connection heals when partners own their missteps together”. Johnson’s lens highlights their strength: owning faults, hiring help, and planning date nights rebuild trust. The maid and meal kits ease his load without derailing her practice—a smart middle ground.

For others in this storm, experts suggest regular check-ins and external support, like parent groups or therapy, to catch cracks early. A nanny with cameras could address her safety fears if needed. Readers, ever patched up a broken promise? What kept you going?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

The Reddit crowd weighed in with a lively mix of support and skepticism, buzzing like a café after a big reveal. Many cheered the couple’s efforts to mend their rift, praising their mutual apologies and practical fixes—like the maid and parent group—as steps toward balance.

Others raised eyebrows, questioning if the husband’s quick overwhelm hinted at deeper issues or if the fixes leaned too heavily on easing his load. Overall, the community saw hope in their teamwork but urged vigilance to keep trust intact.

VeryMuchDutch102 − NTA.... Im *mostly* the stay at home dad... IT IS HARD lol But what really helps is that my daughter goes to daycare sometimes. That gives me opportunity to be myself and do my own stuff and the house hold stuff

PremDikshit − Good that you did not ask him about poking holes in condoms. Wise choice. NTA.

phyrsis − Previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/PtRsmNPZzp

JTBlakeinNYC − I’m so happy that you were able to find a solution that works for everyone. ❤️

Immediate_Finger_889 − I’m glad it worked out for this couple. But boy it chaps my ass that a man cant handle one baby and the house and cries and gets full maid service and chef delivery, but women all over are working full jobs, doing the childcare and the household too.

and there’s always some j**kass in the background saying he needs a break because having a job and mowing the lawn at the same time is too overwhelming..Like, he’s not even going to learn ? Just … that’s it?. Ugh. I’m so jaded and bitter this outcome actually pisses me off more.

JuliaX1984 − Can you picture a man getting a SAHM a maid if she was feeling o**rwhelmed? Oh, brother...This story is either an attempt to get people to empathize with SAHM burnout by flipping the genders

or a fundie morality tale about a wife's duty to support her husband and make things easier for him by taking on additional burdens like paying for a maid so he doesn't have the burden of doing housework like a woman does.

Knickers1978 − People really think contraceptives are infallible. I got pregnant twice on the pill. And then kept having a regular period so didn’t know I was pregnant until 14 weeks with my first and 18 weeks with my second.

Finding out about my second was great🙄 I started having spasms in my belly in the middle of the night, painful ones. My ex called an ambulance. I go to the hospital, and one of the tests that did was a pregnancy test. “Miss ___. You’re pregnant and may be having a miscarriage”.

Things calmed down, I went for an ultrasound the next day. “You’re 18 weeks and 1 day, and having a boy.” I’m glad you were able to work things out with your husband. As a stay at home parent,

it does get very overwhelming, and with a new baby too. It’s good that you could communicate with each other.. It’s also good your husband is willing to get a vasectomy for you. Many men wouldn’t.

Stardew49 − I want to say something before I finish this update. Good for you for putting your foot down. I don't blame you for not wanting to give up your dream and your life. I was a little off set about you saying

Not to say that happened in your case, on here it's just how the posts usually end. (From both men and women sabotaging) I do want to recommend a GREAT book series for little kids for when your child is getting older and you'll feel a bit more comfortable with daycare.

It's called

If he wants to go back to work, would he think about maybe a WFH job? I know his field may be easier to find a position like that. I'm glad you two were also able to figure other things out with being able to make each other feel less o**rwhelmed with the new changes.

cthulularoo − Meal service, maid, sister helping... dudes living the life.

tontovila − Yay for good updates!!!!. Being a good parent is hard.. I didn't know that stat about women doctors though. :(. Makes me wonder if that's why my kids pediatrician quit out of the blue last year. She was AMAZING.

This update hums with hope, as a couple trades screams for solutions and finds a new tempo for their family. It’s not perfect—trauma lingers, and trust takes time—but it’s proof that love can bend without breaking. If you were them, how would you balance a baby, a career, and a partner’s doubts? Share your thoughts below—let’s unravel this family’s next verse together!

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