[UPDATE] AITAH for refusing to go back to the US to raise my “orphaned” sibling?

Shanghai’s neon glow fades for a 26-year-old expat as chaos erupts back in Utah. His bold call for a welfare check on his 10-year-old sister unveiled a grim reality: a drug-addled mother and a child in peril, locked in her room with a hidden knife. Now, with his sister temporarily safe, family fingers point at him, blaming his absence for their woes.

This Reddit update pulls back the curtain on a family in freefall, where addiction and neglect collide with loyalty and guilt. It’s a raw, heart-wrenching tale that asks: how far does responsibility stretch when home is worlds away?

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

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‘[UPDATE] AITAH for refusing to go back to the US to raise my “orphaned” sibling?’

I ended up calling for a welfare check on her and well s**t, that went downhill fast. I ended up calling the police and the cops straight up took my sister to the precinct on the spot, they apparently walked in on mom completely high on floor talking nonsense to herself, house was unlocked, sister was locked in her room and ran outside to meet them once she heard they were there to check on her, enough s**t in the house for a small crackhead party.

I also got sister's phone number and spoke with her a bit directly, she told me and the cops that mom is having lots of 'weird guys' over and she even had hid a kitchen knife in her bedroom 'just in case'. Whole family is a mess right now and my sister is staying at an aunt's house, but this aunt already made it clear this is temporary, so yeah.... Other points i took away talking to my sister and aunt on the phone are:

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\- they're blaming me to my sister saying that if i was there to control mom none of this would happen and that i abandoned the family(her and mom specially).. \- our family on father's side completely cut off contact with my mom and sister after he died. \- our family on mom's side are more worried about getting mom better than the kid, and they think taking away her from mom will make it less likely for mom to recover

EDIT: Forgot to add, but the family is still bickering about what to do with my sister and her housing situation so i guess I'll have to keep my eye on that for the foreseeable future.

A welfare check turned a family’s dysfunction into a public crisis. The expat’s decision to alert authorities saved his sister from a dangerous home, but it also unleashed a torrent of family blame. His relatives’ accusations—that his absence caused their mother’s spiral—reflect a classic deflection, sidestepping their own inaction.

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Child neglect affects over 600,000 U.S. children annually, per the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, often leaving relatives or foster care as the only options. Here, the family’s focus on the mother’s recovery over the sister’s safety raises red flags. Dr. Gabor Maté, an addiction expert, notes, “Addiction thrives in isolation, but recovery requires community support.” The family’s failure to intervene earlier left a child vulnerable.

The expat could maintain distance while advocating for his sister, perhaps coordinating with Child Protective Services or exploring foster care options. His life abroad shouldn’t mean abandoning her entirely.

See what others had to share with OP:

Reddit’s back with takes hotter than a Sichuan summer! The community dives in with praise, advice, and a sprinkle of outrage:

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tiny-pest − Ok, here is the thing. With cpd in the mix. Your mom's side of the family doesn't get to choose what to do with your sister. They will be asked. Vetted. But they don't get to choose. Cps will make all final decisions, and if they are more worried about your mom or tell cps, it's your fault. If your sister says how and what they are saying, she won't be placed with them.

Expect them to contact you. Ask if you are willing to take her in. Either by moving home or more likely by her moving to you. I would nix moving home as the family has shown how toxic they are. Also, the fact that your life is not anywhere close there. Cps will understand.

I would discuss and consider if you are ok with her coming to you. If s, and if visa and immigration are ok with it, then it's a discussion with sister if she is ok with it. It's ok to say no. Yhat your not able to mentally. Physically or financially, I support her at this time.

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But be aware she will most likely be placed in a foster home as the best option with how the family is acting. Make sure cps is aware they don't want her. They are blaming you because you won't drop your entire life while they live there. Are worried about mom and not sister. And that she won't be safe long term with them.

In the end, no matter what you chose, there is no wrong answer here. The only thing you need to hear is that it's not your job. Your responsibility to tend and handle your mother. If she is so bad, the family should have stepped in and stopped it, and at no point have they done so. To the point that your sister is scared of being raped. That's on them.

Swe3tieMaize − You’re not the a**hole — you protected your sister when no one else would, even from afar.

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teresajs − NTA. You did the right thing.  You did the right thing.  You.  Did.  The.  Right.  Thing.

1RainbowUnicorn − NTA. Thank God you called for a welfare check! God knows what one of those random men might have done. This is NOT your fault. Why would they expect you to control your mom?? Can your grandparents take your sister? Is this why your father's family cut contact? Can one of them take sister?

AuntieKC − You saved your sister. Possibly your mother. Removing your mother from the equation might reintroduce your dad's side of the family to show interest in sis again (I'm hopeful SHE was the one they just...couldn't cope with any longer).

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Regardless...you SAVED 👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 SISTER! And anyone in your family who takes issue with that and feels that wasn't the right move, can kick rocks. It's a Mormon community, yes? Someone will take her in. They'll love her. It'll be ok. These are folks who thrive with large families and your sister may be exactly who they've been praying for. I'm so proud of you!

SoOverIt66 − I wouldn’t come back to the US right now if I had gotten out. 

fiestafan73 − You cannot control an addict! The only person who can hope to control them is themselves if they decide they want to get better. Your family has completely unrealistic idea of how these things work. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. NTA.

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abear61 − Still NTAH. Calling for the welfare check was a smart move and the RIGHT thing to do. That said, I still don’t think you should have to give up your job and life in China to move back to the US to raise your sister. There HAS to be an acceptable alternative if the family in the US would stop squabbling, blaming you and just look at the situation reasonably.. Updateme

popoPitifulme − NTA. As a former expat, I wish I hadn't succumbed to requests/demands/guilt trips to return to my native land to tend to my needy family members. You describe a beautiful thing with your wife and family in the environment of your choosing. Stay strong and prosper (geek star trek moment but still sincere).

External_Expert_2069 − Your family is awful. I am so sorry. This isn't on you

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These voices stir the pot, but do they untangle the real issues at play? Or are they just cheering from the sidelines?

This update lays bare a family fractured by addiction, blame, and tough choices. The expat’s welfare check was a lifeline for his sister, yet the family’s finger-pointing shows how easily responsibility gets dodged. With his sister’s future hanging in the balance, what’s the right move—stay distant or step closer? What would you do in this tangled web of duty and distance? Share your thoughts below!

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