[UPDATE] AITA for telling my MIL I’ll pay for my wedding myself if she can’t respect my few wishes?

Weddings are often seen as joyful milestones—but when family dynamics and money enter the equation, even the happiest plans can become battlegrounds. In this follow-up to a previously shared dilemma, a groom faced pushback from his mother-in-law (MIL) over a deeply personal wedding detail: his traditional kilt.

What began as a disagreement over attire evolved into a revealing look at control, financial values, and the importance of communication in a relationship. his update takes a deeper look at how the couple confronted the real issues underlying their disagreement—and what it means for their future.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post

‘[UPDATE] AITA for telling my MIL I’ll pay for my wedding myself if she can’t respect my few wishes?’

I took most peoples advice and talked to my Fiance about this issue before going forward. Her siding with her mother like this and going against me was really out of character so I felt like I really needed to figure out what was on the go. The long and the short of it comes down to money.

G doesn't make as much of a salary as I do (I make almost 2.5x her salary), despite this shes pretty insistent of things being 50/50 between us. Our finances aren't combined until after marriage because of some weird tax issues and legal things in our home region,

but even with me making more she insists we're a team and have to go 50/50 on big things (rent, car payments, electrical, wedding, etc...) so even though I'm able to pay for the wedding myself, shes not able to pay for the half she feels like she'd want to pay.

Because of this she's really clinging to the idea of her mother paying for our wedding, even though I'd be more than happy to pay for it all myself. We talked yesterday evening, and she said that since she accepted her mother paying for the wedding, their relationship has become pretty strained, with MIL pretty much taking over the wedding planning.

Apparently MIL was initially pushing for a tropical destination wedding in Jamaica, an idea G put down quickly as she knows I hate the idea of destination weddings, and MIL had even tried to get final say on the dress G was going to wear, as well as she wanted final say over who the bridesmaids were (she wanted her friends daughters who G is not close with in the party).

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I've had a pretty good relationship with MIL so far so I found it kind of odd how she went total momzilla, but I have noticed her and G drifting apart a bit, although I never thought it was related. A few people thought that G actually hated the idea of the kilt and had MIL acting as the bad guy to try and change my mind, and you're not completely wrong.

She doesn't hate the idea, but really doesn't like that the other male members of the bridal party will be wearing tux's while myself and my cousin would be wearing kilts. She wanted consistency across the board and had expressed this to her mother.

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MIL took this as the opportunity to get me to wear a tux instead of getting the groomsmen to wear kilts, and had the wedding colours changed (without G's knowledge) to contrast with my family's tartan. When I talked to G yesterday, she said that she had just gotten out of a massive fight with her mother over changing the colours,

and really wasn't in the mood to start another argument with her. She acknowledged she was in the wrong for siding with her mom, and seemed genuinely sorry. She said that in the stress of planning a wedding while having an overbearing mother, she had thought of the kilt as another detail, and had forgotten the significance of it to me, and that she was really sorry.

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In the meantime a few changes have been made, my MIL is no longer paying for the wedding, and no longer involved in planning. I'm going to pay half, as G never wanted me to pay more than half by myself for something that's for both of us,

and my FIL is covering the parts that G is going to have some trouble covering (MIL is unaware of this, FIL and MIL are still together however he's not telling her he's helping pay). We're still getting married in November, Wedding colours have been changed back to match my kilt, and we've decided to rent kilts in our regional tartan for the rest of the groomsmen so that they match the aesthetic.

Thankfully no deposits were put down on things like tux rentals, bridesmaid dresses, or decorations so no money lost. I know a lot of people told me to seriously reconsider marrying G, and going into our talk last night I really was, but I'm happy with how things turned out since this really was an anomaly in her behavior, and I really am excited to marry her.

This update reveals the power of open, honest communication in resolving underlying issues. What initially appeared to be a disagreement about a kilt turned out to be a tangled web of financial anxiety, people-pleasing, and long-standing parental control.

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The groom’s calm but firm boundary-setting helped him protect an emotional tribute while also supporting his partner in breaking free from her mother’s influence. G, on her end, demonstrated maturity by listening, apologizing, and taking action to correct her misstep—something essential for a strong partnership.

Financially, the couple still faces philosophical differences, particularly G’s insistence on strict 50/50 contributions despite income disparities. While noble in intention, this mindset could lead to future imbalance and resentment if not carefully navigated. A percentage-based contribution model and couple’s financial counseling could offer a more sustainable path forward.

Ultimately, this couple’s ability to course-correct together and push back against toxic interference is a promising sign. But keeping healthy boundaries with MIL will be crucial—not just for the wedding, but for the marriage.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Reddit users were overwhelmingly supportive of the couple’s progress, though some cautioned them to remain vigilant:

CarpeCyprinidae − As I commented in your first post, now you know why she's never been permitted to arrange a wedding. Well done for navigating a solution

Academic_Height187 − What a fantastic update! 👍👍 OP, I’m happy to hear you were able to clear the air with G and are going ahead with the wedding of your dreams and not what your MIL dictated. As for G, I’m sure this is a great burden (and a lot of stress) lifted off her shoulders, because it seems her mom’s choices were making G very unhappy.. PS: Your future FIL sounds like a very good man.

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Dachshundmom5 − G has picked her own dress right? I have been watching 'say yes to the dress' and my heart just breaks for the brides who come out beaming in a dress they clearly love only to have e their moms tear it apart or refuse to buy it using 'I'm paying' to control the bride chosing her dress.

Has MIL been told she's cut off from the wedding planning? How did it go? You and G need to set passwords on EVERYTHING before the monster in law can call the florist and change all the flowers or the caterer and change all the food, etc. Make sure all vendors are locked down.

ZeroZipZilchNadaNone − I’m happy this seems to be working out the way you want but you still need to be careful. If fiancée is still hung up on the 50/50 to the point she “forgets” things that are more important than money, how is that going to work for things like purchasing a home or a vehicle or having children or whatever other large purchases that are a normal part of life.. Good luck!

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LadyIceis − I understand you are happy with the wedding issue fixed. But you are overlooking the original issue. She wants things 50/50, but NO marriage is ever 50/50. What happens when kids come? Or she gets sick or you? What happens if your dream house gets destroyed in an act of God event? (Tornado, hurricane, flood). I think you two still need couples therapy and financial therapy. I wish you the best in the future.. Updateme!

[Reddit User] − YES! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 well done. You talked it out. Found the root of the problem, and ended up with something to make you both happy. Congratulations and good luck for your future.

Alarmed-Indication-8 − Im happy for how this turned out for you. Just a tip though about your finances once married, 50:50 wouldnt be healthy for your wife since you’re earning way more than her. When budgetting, you should allocate the same percentage of your income.

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Ex. Rent if you’re allocatin 5% of your income to it, then she should also just be allocating 5% of her income to it. Because 200 for you might be negligible, but 200 for her might cost her an arm and a leg already.. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Hoping your MIL wont he unreasonable in your entire marriage, not just wedding.

DawnShakhar − This is really a happy ending! I'm happy for you both. And going forward, you both know now that you have to face a domineering MIL/mother, and be ready to cope accordingly. I'm especially happy for your girlfriend, whom you helped to gain independence from her controlling mother.

SnooWords4839 − I hope MIL will stay in her lane. Be ready to put her back in it, she oversteps again.

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Mountain_Cat_cold − Well, well, well ... A situation where people sit down and talk it through like adults and end up sorting it out. Those are rare in here, nice to see one. I wish you all the best for your marriage, you both seem mature and compatible 🥰

This situation may have reached a peaceful resolution, but it brought deeper issues to light—boundaries, family interference, and financial dynamics in a relationship. While the couple found common ground this time, the question remains: is this a one-off misunderstanding, or a glimpse of potential future conflicts? What do you think? Do you agree with how they handled it? How would you respond if you were in a similar situation? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

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