[UPDATE] AITA for leaving my son and daughter because I can’t handle the fact they aren’t mine?

What happens when a man discovers after nearly two decades that the children he raised are not biologically his, due to his wife’s long-term affair? One father faced this devastating betrayal, compounded by cruel online messages pushing him toward despair.

His updates reveal ongoing mental health struggles, regret over past actions, and attempts to maintain contact with the children while planning to return to his home country for healing. The situation sparked heated debate about responsibility, trauma, and support.

‘[UPDATE] AITA for leaving my son and daughter because I can’t handle the fact they aren’t mine?’

The father starts by clarifying misconceptions from his previous post and admitting his own faults.

He then provides the core update on his mental state and plans.

The central conflict involves profound betrayal through paternity fraud and family infidelity, triggering severe emotional trauma and suicidal ideation. Toxic responses amplified isolation, while the father’s past retaliation added self-conflict.

He grappled with grief, anger, and guilt, struggling to separate love for the children from biological disconnection. Online harassment dismissed male vulnerability. Children faced confusion amid parental fallout.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Guy Winch emphasizes that “Betrayal trauma can mimic PTSD symptoms, requiring professional intervention to process grief safely.” (From emotional first aid resources) This applies directly—unaddressed pain risks escalation without support.

Seek immediate crisis help like hospitalization for safety. Engage trauma-focused therapy to unpack betrayal layers. Maintain structured, low-pressure contact with children if possible. Join support groups for paternity fraud survivors. Prioritize stabilization before major moves, building routines that foster hope gradually.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Social media users offered mixed reactions, from empathy and encouragement to seek help, to criticism of his choices.

Many urged professional mental health support and validated his pain.

Others defended his right to step back while acknowledging the children’s needs.

A few provided nuanced or critical takes on therapy and responsibility.

This update highlights the devastating toll of long-term deception on identity and mental health, worsened by unsupportive reactions. Recognizing limits and seeking space can be necessary for survival.

It reminds everyone that trauma responses vary, and professional care offers the best path through betrayal. Kindness in responses matters immensely. How would you balance self-preservation with emotional ties to children raised as your own? When does stepping away become essential rather than abandonment?