[UPDATE 2] Just found out my husband (28M) invited another woman over to spend the night while I’m (24F) away on business. How to proceed?

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Picture a quiet morning, sunlight filtering through a half-packed apartment, where a 24-year-old woman takes a deep breath and makes a life-changing choice. After uncovering her husband’s secret plan to host a female friend, their marriage teetered on the edge of trust.

Now, with clarity and courage, she’s chosen to end their four-year union, stepping into a future focused on healing and self-discovery. This final update, laced with resilience and a touch of bittersweet hope, invites us into her transformative journey, proving that sometimes, letting go is the ultimate act of strength.

For those who want to read the previous part: Original post, update

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‘[UPDATE 2] Just found out my husband (28M) invited another woman over to spend the night while I’m (24F) away on business. How to proceed?’

Thank you to everyone who has commented on my last two posts. I haven’t been able to respond to everyone, and I’m still working through all the comments, but the advice, stories, and love you’ve shared has been overwhelming and absolutely needed. Thank you. Even the people calling me names and calling me out for not being stronger - thank you.

It hurt to come to the realization that we can’t move forward from this. He’s betrayed my trust so many times that I’d need him to verify pretty much anything for awhile, and that’s no way for either of us to live. The fact of the matter is that we’re both pretty broken, and have no business being in a relationship with each other, or anyone else right now.

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I truly don’t believe he’s a terrible person, but he has been a terrible partner. Like many of you said, he can be a good person and not be good for me. Last night, I chickened out. I was so scared of losing him forever that I said we should just take a break, have him fly home, and work on ourselves for a bit. There were a lot of tears, but when the conversation was over, I didn’t feel better, just... stuck.

This morning, I realized what I’d done. I did this the last time I tried to get out of an abusive relationship, and put up safeguards so I could feel comfortable leaving. My husband doesn’t deserve to be led on, and I don’t deserve to be unable to move on. I read through more of your messages, and I can’t thank you all enough for your words of comfort, encouragement, and strength.

The thing is, for you it’s black and white. For me, my thoughts are so thoroughly clouded by emotions and history, and I have to let that all go. The best thing I can do for both of us is to give up. So this morning, I did. I told him that while we could take a break and try again, it would never work.

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I can never truly trust him again, and he wants me to change things about myself that are things I love and have no desire to change. We’ve been trying so hard for so long to make things work that we’re just too far gone. There were lots of tears, but he took it well. He’s agreed to a no-contest divorce, and we’ll spend the next few days packing up our house before the lease is up at the end of the month.

Some of you may come at me with pitch forks for not screwing him over, or breaking up last night, or leaving him to deal with the house alone, but that’s okay. I’ll be staying at my friend’s house until my new apartment is ready, and really focusing on just working on myself. I won’t help him pack unless I have someone with me.

Much of the stuff is mine anyway, and I’d rather not leave it behind. You guys are right that my self-confidence has taken a nose dive lately. I have a lot of healing to do before I’m ready to consider love again, and I have two appointments scheduled with my therapist this week. This man is not a monster in my book, he’s a little boy that needs to grow up.

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We both made our fair share of mistakes in this relationship, but rather than feeling sorry for myself, I’m choosing to take those lessons and move on. I’m the kind of person who is very good at bouncing back, it’s just the getting out that’s hard. Thank you all for your help in that. I wish him all the best, and simply have no desire to harbor hate in my heart.

**Because I know how easy it is for manipulated, abused women to go right back, I’ve talked a lot with my family and close friends over the last 48 hours. I previously didn’t share a lot of what was happening with them because I was embarrassed. Everyone always said we were the perfect couple, and I was so ashamed of all the problems we had.

I’ve informed these people that they are not to let me go back, should it come to that, in no uncertain terms. I don’t think I’ll get to that point, but I just want to be sure. Edit: As a side note, I shared it for me, because damn I needed the loving slap in the face that this sub so gracefully provides.

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But I also shared it because I hope that anyone else who reads my story and sees parallels in their own life will have the strength and courage to put themselves first. If you’re feeling like you need to get out, but don’t feel strong enough, or like it’s bad enough, or like you’ll make it to the other side, feel free to message me. We’re in this together. ❤️

This decision to divorce, though heart-wrenching, marks a powerful pivot toward self-empowerment. The wife’s realization that trust couldn’t be rebuilt reflects a deep understanding of her needs, while her husband’s agreement to part amicably shows a mutual, if painful, acceptance. His secrecy, though not malicious, eroded their foundation, highlighting a core mismatch.

Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor, notes, “Choosing courage over comfort means owning your worth, even when it’s hard” (Brené Brown). The wife’s choice to prioritize herself embodies this, breaking free from a cycle of doubt. Her safeguards—leaning on friends and family—further show her strength.

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Zooming out, ending a relationship due to trust issues is common. A 2023 study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 60% of divorces cite breakdowns in trust as a key factor (JSPR). Her proactive steps, like therapy and community support, align with best practices for healing post-separation.

For advice, she should maintain her focus on therapy and self-care, setting boundaries to avoid reconnecting prematurely. Journaling or support groups can aid reflection. For others in similar spots, trust your instincts—if a relationship dims your confidence, it’s okay to walk away.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Reddit’s chorus of support and spicy takes lights up this update with warmth and wit. Here’s what the community tossed into the mix for this bold step forward:

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serenity561 − I am so proud of you. You are so strong and I know it isn't easy to do what you have done. Please continue to surround yourself with love and support.

[Reddit User] − Wow... Alright, he is a s**t partner, but in reality I can probably say I'm proud of both of you for handling this with such calmness and maturity. That is truly the best way to go.. We all wish you the best of luck in later life :3

nicoleinatorx69 − I really applaud you for being SO damn mature and caring towards someone who didn't take your feelings into consideration. Your maturity level is light years away from 24 years old, I'm really amazed. You deserve to love yourself and be confident and one day find someone who will love you for YOU and won't ever betray your trust. This is a hard time for you right now, but I believe more then anyone I've seen post on Reddit that you can get through this.

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_random_username69 − 'I truly don’t believe he’s a terrible person'....How are you still defending this loser? He invited an 18 year old over to f**k while you were away. Sounds like a great guy to me. This is your problem. You justify and look the other way when your partner does s**t most people would never put up with. You need to get some self respect before you hop into another relationship or this will just happen again.

thunderthread − I’m 4 years post divorce. We were married for 3 years. I’m finally starting to realize that it WASN’T ME that was the problem. He did the same stuff although as far as I know, not to the same extent. But doing shady stuff and then blaming the problems on me for “snooping” and “not trusting” and made himself out to be the victim.

He was good. He was really really good. I’ve walked around the last 4 years blaming myself and feeling like I was a s**tty wife. In reality I was the best wife. HE was the problem. But no way could you tell me that 2 years ago or when we were married. He knew how to turn everything around and I believed him. He was a great, loving, kind, sweet etc man.

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Now after the fog has lifted and he has been continuously vile towards me (the mother of his child nonetheless) I see him for what he was. And OP, you will say the same one day. I promise you. Love isn’t supposed to hurt this way. Love doesn’t involve seeing the good parts of a person while actively ignoring abusive behavior. Love that you deserve will not hurt this way.

Getting divorced was tough. I laid on the floor and sobbed for days. I contemplated suicide. It was very very hard. Now that I’m on the other side, I wouldn’t change a thing. Because it turned me into who I am today. And who I am is someone who knows what I deserve and what a healthy relationship should look and feel like. I begged him not to leave me. I plead on my hands and knees. Today I thank him for being the one to finally walk away.

[Reddit User] − I don't understand why guys do this. When my wife goes out of town I just bro the f**k out.. 1. Stay inside all weekend.. 2. Go to the store and buy a big steak and stuff to eat for dinner.. 3. Play video games until my eyes bleed.. 4. Stay up as long as I want/ sleep in as late as i can.

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soggie − What can I say. I'm proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, and in some ways, your determination to improve your circumstances is truly inspiring. Thank you so much.

gcoast1216 − From my experience, the inevitable has taken place, if it wasn't now it would have been down the road at some point after you had wasted a lot of time and money on something that was broken beyond repair. I can almost guarantee he will not look back. You should do the same, keep moving forward. Best of luck. Come back in a year and let us know how your doing

GoddessAvery97 − I've commented on every post, and I know I don't know you, but reading this genuinely gave me hope for you. This was a huge step. A huge NECESSARY step. I worked a lot with women who are in abusive relationships through my old sorority's philanthropy, and your husband is a textbook abuser.

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He worked on your vulnerability and love for him, and I'm glad that is no longer going to work. I wish you best of luck through this tough process. Don't be ashamed, because in the end you made the right decision. You have PLENTY of life ahead of you to heal and find happiness in yourself, and then with another man who will treat you right. :)

malevitch_square − Best of luck.

These Redditors are cheering her on, but do their calls for self-love and resilience capture the full picture, or is there more to navigating such a leap?

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This story of a marriage’s end is really a beginning—a testament to the power of choosing yourself when trust falters. Whether you’ve applauded her courage or felt the pang of her bittersweet farewell, her journey resonates with anyone who’s faced a tough goodbye. Have you ever had to let go of a relationship to reclaim your strength? Drop your stories or insights below—what’s the secret to bouncing back after heartbreak?

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