[UPDATE 2] AITAH for not rescheduling my wedding after my sister was widowed?

A wedding’s cancellation, prompted by a sister’s devastating loss, could’ve dimmed a couple’s spark—but for a 34-year-old man and his husband, it ignited a quiet, perfect elopement on their 10-year anniversary. Their joy, however, hit turbulence when the husband’s mother, who’d pushed for a postponement and covered financial losses, learned of their secret vows and bristled at being left out. Now, with the sister still deep in grief and Reddit buzzing about the man’s past and emotions, the couple eyes an extended honeymoon, leaving wedding plans behind.

This update isn’t just about vows exchanged—it’s a saga of love standing firm, family boundaries tested, and a man’s raw honesty about his struggles with extended family ties. For those who want to read the previous part: [UPDATE] AITAH for not rescheduling my wedding after my sister was widowed?. Reddit’s AITA community dives into this emotional knot, parsing loyalty, grief, and joy. Let’s unravel this newlywed journey.

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‘[UPDATE 2]: AITAH for not rescheduling my wedding after my sister was widowed?’

I wanted to give one last update just answering some final questions that people had. My MIL did make good on her promise to cover costs. She reimbursed 3 friends of ours for their flights, and us for all the money we lost in deposits. She is also now aware that we’re married.

My husband went over to help her with something and she noticed his ring. I wasn’t there, so this is a secondhand account from him. She was apparently a little annoyed and talked about how much she wanted to be there and that cancelling didn’t mean we had to still run out and get married, especially without telling her.

My husband said he was firm in letting her know that we appreciated her reimbursing us, but that our wedding wasn’t something she could just place continuous demands on. The only person he has trouble standing up to is his mom, and he said “I was thinking the whole time about how you’d be proud of me.”

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And I am so proud of him! It's probably best I wasn't there. He handled it and there was no risk of me running my mouth. SIL still doesn't know. She's, understandably, not doing great right now. Neither of us have seen her for a couple weeks now but my husband tries to get her on the phone at least once every few days.

Will we reschedule? I'm letting my husband have the final say with this. Recently we've been leaning towards an extended honeymoon instead. And finally, am I a s**iopath? This question wasn’t posed directly to me, but was being discussed on a different subreddit, along with speculations about my family life and comments wondering why I didn't mention my husband's reaction to the death.

I can put the s**iopath rumors to rest — I have a lot of very intense feelings, which is pretty antithetical to the whole concept. It is true my home life wasn't safe or happy, though. I feel like I've made that pretty clear without diving into details. Being gay and being “raised” by small-minded people is rough.

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I was in therapy for years. So yeah, I'm not great at extended family dynamics. I try. My husband understands. That man has met me where I'm at so many times and I'm so grateful. Oh, I looooooove him. Being treated gently after never having experienced that before was (and still is) life altering.

I didn't come here to discuss anyone's grief in detail. I still won't be doing that. It's not necessary and it's very personal. These posts were about rescheduling the wedding and that question has been answered. Thank you for all the advice given and all the kind words. It really helped me figure out a solution and feel my emotions without burdening those close to me with them.

Eloping on their cherished date was a masterstroke of love and pragmatism, letting the couple honor their bond while sidestepping a wedding clouded by grief. The mother-in-law’s reimbursement of deposits and friends’ flights fulfilled her promise, but her annoyance at the unannounced elopement reveals a need to control family milestones. The husband’s firm response—defending their choice without bowing to guilt—marks growth, especially given his admitted struggle with her influence.

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Dr. Susan David, an emotions expert, notes, “Navigating family grief requires emotional agility—honoring your needs while respecting others’ pain” . The mother-in-law’s reaction, though not malicious, pressured the couple unfairly, while the man’s anger—rooted in a tough upbringing—reflects valid frustration, not sociopathy. His transparency about his past and therapy shows self-awareness, not callousness.

The couple’s lean toward an extended honeymoon over a rescheduled wedding prioritizes their joy, a wise move. Dr. David suggests a gesture—like a care package for the sister—to maintain connection without forcing her grief’s timeline. A calm talk with the mother-in-law, acknowledging her intent but reinforcing boundaries, could ease future friction

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Reddit poured in like a wedding toast, raising cheers and wisdom for the couple’s path. It’s like a reception where everyone’s got a warm word or a pointed jab. Here’s the unfiltered buzz:

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HUNGWHITEBOI25 − Congrats on getting married. You were NTA in the original post and you continue to not be one now.. Good luck in everything in future Op :)

DimplesByLia − NTA.You set boundaries, handled it with compassion, and protected your peace. That’s not selfish it’s healthy. Let the gossipers talk. You chose love, not drama. Enjoy that extended honeymoon you earned it.

Endora529 − NTA. Your MIL was nuts for even suggesting that you postpone the wedding to begin with. She’s sounds super controlling too. At least she reimbursed you for the deposits and your guests flights. Do what’s best for you. Congratulations on your marriage.

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TangledUpPuppeteer − “I’m sorry there was some kind of confusion on your end. We planned to get married on that date, and we had chosen the people we preferred to be with us when we did it. You asked us to cancel it, we did.

That doesn’t mean we changed our date or plans to be married, just that we agreed we wouldn’t do it where we wanted it with the people we wanted around us. That’s how these things work.”. Done.. ETA: Congratz and I’m so happy for you two!

Ginger630 − NTA! Cancelling the wedding didn’t mean you wouldn’t get married. Your MIL is quite demanding and I’m glad your husband stood up to her. She cannot keep dictating how you handle this.. If you go us do decide to celebrate, don’t give into anymore demands.

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JustAsICanBeSoCruel − NTA. An extended honeymoon sounds like a really lovely idea, and for what it's worth, I really don't think you are a s**iopath for wanting to go through with the wedding. If you had demanded she attend your wedding and made a huge fuss about her not going, THAT would have been sociopathic..

But that wasn't what you were doing. Take a long honeymoon. Focus on you two and let this all be a reminder to enjoy each other as much as you can while you have each other. Maybe also send SiL some flowers or a care basket so she knows you are thinking about her? Get her a little something special while overseas so she has something to cheer her up when you guys come back?

tigerofjiangdong1337 − NTA then or now.. I personally wouldn't do a wedding. They asked you to cancel and you did it. What happened to his sister sucks but grief does not mean everyone around you puts their lives on hold.

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You got married with just your husband by your side on a day that was special to you both... Personally I would use all the extra money to go on an extended honeymoon.. I had a decent size wedding and it was exhausting.

th987 − I think eloping was exactly the right thing to do.. If you want to have a public ceremony later, you can.

Novel_Move_3972 − congratulations on getting married!

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camkats − Go on the big honeymoon!! You can do a vow renewal after your next ten years!

Redditors lauded the couple’s love-first approach, applauding the husband’s stand against his mother-in-law and dismissing sociopath rumors. Some urged a lavish honeymoon; others validated the man’s anger but cautioned against long-term resentment. A few saw the mother-in-law’s control as a red flag. But do these takes weave the full tapestry of love and loss, or just add sparkle to the drama?

The couple’s elopement was a beacon of love amid grief’s storm, but the mother-in-law’s demands cast a shadow, stirring the man’s anger and testing family ties. With deposits repaid and a honeymoon on the horizon, they’ve chosen joy over obligation, yet the question lingers: Were they wrong to elope without telling her? As they bask in wedded bliss, they’re turning to Reddit for clarity. Drop your thoughts below and let’s keep this heartfelt chat alive!

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