This Mom Refused to Let Her Ex Flee the Country Until He Paid Child Support, Risking a Family Funeral in the Process

One mother’s attempt to maintain her children’s cultural heritage has hit a brick wall of financial neglect and legal maneuvering. We all know that moment when the weight of responsibility feels entirely lopsided and the person who should be your partner becomes your greatest obstacle. For this hardworking parent, seven years of solo parenting and financial strain have reached a high-stakes legal crossroads. After her ex-husband, Sam, quit his job and stopped contributing to their children’s upbringing, she discovered a powerful lever to ensure he fulfills his duties: a no-fly order. This legal maneuver would prevent him from leaving the country until his significant child support debt is settled, potentially forcing his wealthy, enabling parents to finally step up. However, the timing of this decision is fraught with emotional landmines. Sam’s grandparents are nearly a century old, and the mother knows that a travel ban could mean he misses their final farewells. She has spent years single-handedly maintaining the bridge between her children and their paternal heritage, but the neglect has finally pushed her to the edge. Curious how it all unfolded? The full story is right below.

This Mom Refused to Let Her Ex Flee the Country Until He Paid Child Support, Risking a Family Funeral in the Process

WIBTA if I put a no fly order on my ex for child support debt?

Scene-setter: The power imbalance began long before the divorce, setting a silent precedent for the current financial conflict.

My ex, Sam, and I split seven years ago.

There was some abuse, mainly financial and coercive control.

I was the only working parent when we had children, and also the primary carer.

Sam was responsible for dropping the children to daycare and school.

I carried the mental load with all grocery deliveries, meal planning, paying bills, etc. I even had a weekly house cleaner because I didn't have time to do that on...

When we divorced, Sam had to get a job and was earning around the same as me.

Ironic contrast: While the mother went out of her way to preserve his family ties, the father drifted further from his own children.

In the last 7 years, Sam has averaged 8% time with the children—at one stage seeing them 13 times in 2 years, by choice.

In that time, I maintained the children's relationship with the extended family and traveled with them to Sam's home country to see grandparents and enjoy their culture.

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I have seen the extended family more often and more recently than Sam, both with the children and without, as I also lived in his country with him for a...

Quiet observation: The transition from partial neglect to total financial abandonment has forced a shift from frugality to potential debt.

I now have the children 100%.

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Sam has quit work, isn't paying any child support, and is suing for 50/50 custody.

Currently, the child support debt is from 6 months of non-payment, at the new rate.

I technically don't need the child support, but we are living frugally, and school fees will have to come from my mortgage redraw without it.

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I could apply for a no-travel order, which would mean that Sam has to repay the debt (or Sam's wealthy parents would, as they are currently supporting Sam) before leaving...

However, as Sam's family are overseas and Sam's grandparents are around 100 years old, that would mean missing their funeral and the associated necessary cultural elements.

I would take the children over and have funds aside for last-minute flights, etc.

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Would I be the AH if I applied for the travel ban, knowing that Sam might miss a funeral?

Community Opinions

The Reddit community was nearly unanimous in their verdict, with many users pointing out that Sam's wealthy parents are likely his 'get out of jail free' card.

u/GnomieOk4136
NTA. Child support is for the children. He needs to pay it.

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u/Otherwise-Wall-6950
YWNBTA File for it.
He sounds like the type of person that would leave just to avoid paying.
Kids are better off without him being involved.

u/qwertyuiopbloom NTA. Do it. His wealthy parents can continue enabling him by also paying for his child support now or if/when they want him to fly home for funerals/etc. EPSECIALLY...

u/Swirlyflurry
NTA.
Your children deserve to have support from both parents, even if one has to be court mandated just to provide funds.

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u/SpareCap9338 You'd be the AH if you didn't. That is your children's money and it's your responsibility that they get it. I'm so sick of men not paying child support....

u/Such-Crow-1313 I’m saying this as someone whose mother never pursued the back owed child support for fear of my father just fully abandoning me— you need to pursue every legal...

u/Rayonjersey
NTA.  If his rich parents want him to come, they will pay the child support.

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u/17Girl4Life NTA not only because he needs to pay the child support, but also because getting the order might help your case in the custody suit. He doesn’t really want...

u/ConsultJimMoriarty
NTA
Do it. If he cares so much about his grandparents, he should care about his kids.

u/Ordinary-Audience363 Do not take the kids out of the country. Not even with you! Once you are in Sam's home country, those laws prevail and since they are also his...

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u/Forced_Storm
Nta- you are just using the law to ensure he supports his children, which he has a moral and legal obligation to do anyway. 

u/MapOfIllHealth
Someone with a child support debt can’t afford overseas flights. NTA.

u/ThatDownChick
NTA, please do it.
He could flee the country since he has family in another country.
Then it'll be harder to get the child support.

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u/SLyndon4
Curious how this dude expects to get 50% custody when he has no job or income.

u/notrunningfast
You are NTA . There are consequences to Sam’s choices. Missing his grandparents funerals because of something he did is on him.

While the support for the mother was overwhelming, a few cautionary voices warned her about the potential legal risks of taking the children to Sam's home country alone.

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Securing the resources children need is the primary duty of any parent, yet the timing of this legal move adds a layer of moral complexity that is hard to ignore. While the debt is a clear-cut legal issue, the risk of permanent family resentment over a missed funeral is a heavy burden for the OP to weigh. Ultimately, this situation highlights the difficult choices left in the wake of financial irresponsibility and broken trust.

Do you believe the mother is right to use the travel ban as leverage to get the money owed, or is the risk of him missing a final goodbye too cruel? And if you were in her position, would you trust his wealthy parents to settle the debt if their son’s travel was on the line? Share your hot take below or drop your thoughts in the comments.

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