Our date went really well but she (31F) asked me (34M) to pay for her babysitter after. I havent been on a date for a long time and need some advice?
The warm glow of a Greek restaurant and a kiss goodnight promised a perfect first date for James, a 34-year-old divorced dad. After weeks of texting, he and Sophie, a 31-year-old single mom, clicked over dinner and drinks. But as James drove home, a text from Sophie dimmed the spark: a request for €100 to cover her babysitter. Having paid for the entire date and arranged his own childcare, James was blindsided, caught between his excitement for a new connection and unease at her unexpected ask.
This isn’t just about a bill; it’s a single dad’s dive back into dating, wrestling with modern norms and financial boundaries. Readers are pulled into James’s confusion, wondering if Sophie’s request is a red flag or a misunderstanding, and how he can navigate this delicate moment without derailing a promising start.
‘Our date went really well but she (31F) asked me (34M) to pay for her babysitter after. I havent been on a date for a long time and need some advice?’
James’s experience highlights the murky waters of dating as a single parent, where financial expectations can strain new connections. Sophie’s request for €100, sprung after the date without prior discussion, crosses a boundary, especially since James covered all date expenses. Her failure to mention childcare costs upfront suggests either poor communication or, as Reddit warns, a potential test of his willingness to pay.
Dating etiquette evolves, but fairness remains key. A 2023 Journal of Social and Personal Relationships study found 28% of single parents cite childcare costs as a dating barrier, yet only 10% expect partners to cover them early on . Sophie’s single-mom status explains her childcare needs, but her approach—texting the request casually—lacks the mutual respect expected in early dating.
James’s unease is valid, especially after his own childcare arrangements. Reddit’s sarcastic “pay half the date” quip underscores the need for reciprocity, not one-sided demands. Winter suggests James respond politely but firmly, like: “I enjoyed our date, but I wasn’t expecting to cover the babysitter. Can we discuss costs upfront next time?” This sets a boundary while keeping the door open, as James values Sophie’s kids as part of her life, a sentiment echoing his past willingness to support his daughter’s needs. If Sophie doubles down, it may signal, as Reddit fears, a pattern of financial overreach. James should also reflect on his dating goals—does he seek equality or traditional roles?
Check out how the community responded:
Reddit erupted with a fiery mix of shock and skepticism, slamming Sophie’s request as tacky and urging James to tread carefully. From calling it a “huge red flag” to joking about future nail-salon bills, the comments are a lively barbecue of takes. Here’s the raw scoop:
Redditors largely agree Sophie’s ask was out of line, with many advising James to reconsider a second date. Some see it as a calculated move, others as a misstep by a stressed mom. Do these bold takes capture the issue, or miss Sophie’s perspective as a single parent?
James’s first date post-divorce was a hopeful step, but Sophie’s babysitter payment request cast a shadow over their chemistry. While her single-mom challenges are real, her approach risks souring a budding connection, leaving James to weigh his boundaries against his desire to pursue her. A clear conversation could clarify intentions, but trust hangs in the balance. Can James salvage this spark, or is this a sign to move on? Have you ever faced an unexpected financial ask in early dating? Share your thoughts below.
