My wife wanted an open relationship when I went through a depressive phase a couple of years ago.

A husband who was grieving the sudden loss of his brother and battling severe situational depression received an unexpected suggestion from his wife: to open their marriage. This happened just a few months into his darkest period, when emotional and physical intimacy had naturally faded.

Years later, after intensive therapy, medication, family support, and personal healing, the couple has rebuilt a strong, loving relationship. Yet the memory of that proposal — and the one experience that followed — continues to haunt him, raising painful questions about trust, timing, and what “in sickness and in health” really means.

‘My wife wanted an open relationship when I went through a depressive phase a couple of years ago.’

Grief hit hard and intimacy disappeared.

Support came, followed by a shocking proposal.

One experience happened, regret followed, and time passed.

The core issue revolves around timing and empathy. Suggesting an open relationship mere months after a devastating bereavement — during a period of clinical-level depression — is widely viewed as prioritizing personal sexual fulfillment over emotional solidarity. Even though the wife supported her husband in other ways and later expressed regret after one encounter, the action itself left a deep wound. Many see it as a breach of the unspoken “in sickness and in health” promise, especially since the husband was in no emotional state to negotiate or fully consent.

Opposing perspectives emphasize context, forgiveness, and growth. The wife did not cheat secretly; she asked first, acted once, then stopped and apologized. The marriage has since recovered significantly, with renewed intimacy and mutual love. Some argue that judging past behavior through today’s healed lens risks unfairness — people can make selfish or poorly timed decisions under stress and still be capable of genuine remorse and change. Counseling is frequently recommended as the bridge between hurt and healing.

On a broader level, this situation exposes how quickly societal conversations about sexual needs can collide with grief, mental health, and monogamous expectations. When one partner is incapacitated by depression or loss, the other’s desire for physical connection can feel like abandonment rather than a legitimate need. The resurfacing pain as the husband regains strength is common — recovery often brings clarity about boundaries that were impossible to enforce in the moment.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The vast majority of users sided strongly with the husband, viewing the wife’s suggestion and action as deeply hurtful given his grief and depression.

A smaller group offered more balanced advice, urging careful consideration and professional support before any final decision.

A couple of comments used dark humor or sarcasm to express frustration and lighten the heavy topic.

This experience reveals how grief and depression can expose even subtle fractures in long, loving relationships. Although the marriage has healed in many ways, the original hurt remains a powerful reminder that timing and empathy matter enormously when one partner is deeply vulnerable.

Have you or someone close ever faced a similar moment when one partner wanted more physical intimacy during a major crisis? Do you think couples counseling could fully rebuild trust in this situation, or are some boundary violations simply too painful to move beyond? Share your thoughts below.