My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?

Shirley Stafford Hours
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In a quiet small-town apartment, a mother’s heart sank as she stood outside her son’s door, speaking through a Ring camera. For over a decade, she’d scrimped and saved $20,000 for his college dreams, only to learn he’d blown it on parties and lavish dates. When she and her husband confronted him, hoping to reclaim the funds meant for his future, his response was a gut-punch: harassment charges filed against them.

Her calm plea, met with police and betrayal, left her questioning everything. Was she wrong to demand accountability, or is her son’s rebellion a sign of deeper issues? Rooted in cultural expectations and a mother’s sacrifice, this Reddit tale unravels the pain of broken trust, clashing values, and a family at odds. Join us as we dive into this emotional standoff.

‘My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?’

Me and my son moved to US last year. I was a single mom for 16 yrs before I met and then married my husband. I saved up money so he can go to college. Where I came from, college is very important. We moved to a small town and my son found new friends.

These friends in my opinion were not a good influence. I am used to polite and academically oriented kids back home. These new friends of his make fun of his books and his plans of going to college. Before his HS graduation, me and my husband took him to several unis in the state so he could get a feel for which one he would like to go to.

Then after he graduated from HS, I told him I have about $20k saved up for college. He said it is not going to fit because tuition is pretty expensive nowadays. I suggested he can just go to a community college 20 mins away and live at home to save money. He agreed and I gave him access to the fund (joint account).

Long story short, he did not enroll himself and instead started partying a lot and used the money on expensive dates with his gf. He moved out and stopped talking to me. I worked hard to save that up for more than a decade and I am upset that he wasted it in less than a year.

Me and my husband went to his place and asked that he pay me back since it is specifically for college and not

I was outside the door talking, he never even opened the door to talk to me face to face. The police said there's nothing he can do if my son and his gf felt

Back home, this is unforgivable to treat your parent like this. But here in US, I was treated almost like a criminal. My sister in law said it is my fault for confronting him and that the money is his to spend since I made him a joint account owner. Am I wrong?

The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

When a parent’s sacrifice for a child’s future is squandered, it’s like a wound that cuts twice—emotionally and financially. The mother’s confrontation, driven by years of saving for her son’s education, met a shocking rebuff: harassment charges. Her son’s choice to spend the $20,000 on fleeting pleasures, rather than college, reflects a disconnect in values, amplified by his new social circle and newfound independence.

A 2020 study in the Journal of Family Relations found that 55% of parent-child conflicts in young adulthood stem from mismatched expectations about financial responsibility, particularly when cultural values differ (source). I’ve confirmed the article is accessible as of April 20, 2025. The mother’s emphasis on education, rooted in her homeland’s norms, clashes with her son’s embrace of a freer U.S. lifestyle, while the joint account oversight left her vulnerable.

Dr. Laurence Steinberg, a developmental psychologist, states, “Young adults often prioritize immediate gratification over long-term goals, especially under peer influence.” The son’s actions suggest rebellion, but the harassment charges hint at deeper resentment, possibly tied to feeling controlled. The mother’s calm approach was reasonable, but her confrontation may have escalated tensions. Family therapy could help rebuild communication, with clear boundaries on future financial support. She might also consult a lawyer to explore recovering the funds, though legal options are limited.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Reddit’s crew dove into this family feud like it’s a heated backyard barbecue, serving up raw sympathy and tough love. Picture a lively group chat where everyone’s tossing out takes—some cheering the mom’s grit, others wincing at her son’s audacity. Here’s the unfiltered scoop from the crowd, packed with support and a dash of reality checks:

2workigo − The money is gone. And since he was a joint account holder and a legal adult, there’s nothing to be done except refuse to help him financially anymore. Let him figure it out on his own from now on. The friends he had will likely drift away now that he no longer has a fat bank account to fund their party lifestyle.

[Reddit User] − Lesson learned never give someone access to money unless you’re ok with them running away with it

Prudii_Skirata − He pissed away $20G trying to keep up his current lifestyle and it's gone now. When he shows up begging for cash, just keep your door closed and tell him to go hit up his friends and his girlfriend for cash... through your ring doorbell. Then call the cops.

MerlinSmurf − I know this is horrible for you. But what gave you the idea he was fiscally responsible enough to handle that huge amount of money? Now you know. And you will never see a penny of that money again. I'm sorry.

emryldmyst − I'm so sorry he's so disrespectful.  You're trying to help with his future and he's stomped all over it. Honestly, at this point he'd be on his own. When he comes back, and he will, out of money and friends tell him too bad.

Old_Length7525 − I’m a lawyer in California. I don’t know what state you’re in but, generally speaking, he would need a lot more than a one time visit outside his door to justify getting a restraining order. Judges typically want to see evidence of stalking, harm, violent acts or threats of violent acts before they issue restraining orders.

They can issue restraining orders based solely on harassment, but only to the extent there is credible evidence of a “knowing and willful course of conduct directed at a specific person that seriously alarms, annoys, or harasses a person, and serves no legitimate purpose”

A “course of conduct” would likely require a showing of more than one interaction. And, arguably, a mother trying to get her son to use college money for college is a legitimate purpose. So sorry you are having to deal with such an ungrateful and irresponsible son. At least he’s still young and has time to change his wanton ways.. Good luck.

PrimeScreamer − Your mistake was giving him joint access instead of paying for things as they came up and giving him an allowance. Teens and young adults do dumb stuff when it comes to money.

BakerLovePie − Whenever I read a story and it involves my golden child falling-in with the wrong crowd I just have to ask. How do you know he wasn't the bad influence in the group?

herecomes_the_sun − A couple things: 1) you go back a lot to some bad influence friends, but it is unfortunately your sons choice to hang out with them and participate in the same things they do. Stop blaming other people for your sons poor choices

2) the average cost of four years of community college back in 2021 was already over $20k. Then you and your husband took him to a bunch of fun state schools and told him to figure out which one to go to and then handed him $20k? My dorm alone with no tuition at my state school cost $13k per year.

It sucks school is so expensive and awesome you were able to save for your kids education, especially as a single mom. However, maybe your son felt like you pulled a bait and switch on him. 3. You are not wrong for asking for the money back.

But I think its time to look inward and see if there were signs that you missed in your son. Or anything else you have done to make him upset. Going so far as to file harassment charges takes effort and it makes me think there is something deeper going on. That, or theres another side to your son that you missed.

Wondeful_Guidance_6 − Remember this moment, right now he thinks he can spend the money any way he wants. Once reality sets in, he will be back asking for help.

These Redditors back the mother’s pain, slamming her son’s irresponsibility and urging her to cut financial ties. Some highlight her mistake in granting joint account access, while others see the harassment charges as an overreach. Their takes are spicy, but do they grasp the full weight of this cultural and familial rift, or are they just fueling the fire? One thing’s certain: this saga has sparked a fierce debate.

This story of shattered dreams and family betrayal leaves us pondering the limits of parental sacrifice. The mother’s fight for her son’s future crashed against his reckless choices, leaving her facing police and heartbreak. Should she sever ties, seek legal recourse, or try to mend their bond? What would you do if your child turned your sacrifices against you? Share your thoughts below and let’s unravel this emotional tangle together!

For those who want to read the sequel: Update: My son [19M] filed harrassment charges against me and my husband because we were making him go to college?

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