My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?

What happens when your workplace starts dictating not just your tasks but your personal style? A 24-year-old woman found herself in this exact dilemma at her first corporate job. She excels in multiple roles, from reception to tech support. Yet, constant critiques about her attire overshadow her performance. Despite following the jean casual dress code, she faces vague complaints. Her alternative style clashes with expectations, leading to uncomfortable interventions.

This story highlights deeper issues in office dynamics. Older colleagues seem to enforce unwritten rules selectively. The woman bought new clothes multiple times to comply. Still, dissatisfaction persists. A gift of outfits chosen by her superior felt like an attempt to reshape her image. When she mixed items, more comments arose. She snapped, feeling targeted as the youngest employee. Now, a meeting with the CEO looms. Readers wonder if this crosses into harassment territory.

‘My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?’

The story starts with the woman’s background and initial experiences at the job.

I've gotten a lot of different opinions from people in my life on this situation so I want to ask some unbiased people. I (24f) have been working at my...

This is my first "corporate job". I put it in quotes because it's not really your average desk job. It's a sales office, we sell credit card machines. Its a...

I am the receptionist... and part of the marketing team... and I do tech support... and I do office upkeep... I'm including this to show that I do a lot...

We do not have customers come into the office, the only people that come in that are not part of the staff is the occasional interviewee.

She describes the dress code and her initial efforts to adapt.

The dress code is jean casual. I signed a paper saying jeans and a nice top is the dress code. When I first got the job I felt like I...

Business wear is not my style whatsoever... I'm an alt girly. But I know a job is a job and I sucked it up and bought clothes that were professional...

As I continued working I realized that some of my job duties were pretty physical, sometimes I have to go into the bathroom to change the soap (if you've ever...

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or do major cleaning where I would be getting dirty. Wearing a dress or a satin blouse, was not it... So I slowly started dressing slightly down. Jeans that are...

and sandals or a clean white pair of slip on vans. Even that was more put together than 90% of the staff. Plus I was much more comfortable and confident.

The executive assistant enters the picture with feedback.

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I am the youngest employee, I feel like I still dress appropriately and I follow the dress code that was described when I accepted the job. The executive assistant Linda...

She typically wears something like tights, ballet or the pointy flats, and a blouse or sweater (but shes 64 so the blouses are well... older lady longer blouses.. you get...

Later in the week she pulled me in and told me that the CEO wants me to dress better. I was still new and trying to make a good impression...

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Since everyone else seemed to dress how they wanted too with no issue I felt like I would be able to do that too while still maintaining a professional look.

Ongoing issues with her attire lead to frustration.

Well.. I guess not. Something is always wrong with how I dress but they always beat around the bush and don't tell me what they don't like.

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It's always so hush hush.. I don't wear leggings, I don't wear ripped jeans, I come with my hair done, jewelry... its business casual but like I said I'm a...

I even asked if they wanted me to change it to a stud and they said no it was okay. My tattoos are covered up... my hair is not an...

I had my one-year review. Again, they said everything was great except... "Your dress isn't quite where we want it to be yet." At this point, I was fed up...

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"You guys tell me this every review, I've bought a whole new wardrobe of business casual clothing even though the described dress code is jean casual. I feel like I...

Mind you this was my one-year review and was fully expecting a raise... they've added many more job duties than what I was originally hired for... I didn't even get...

I said that I have already spent a substantial amount of money on clothing to wear at this job, I can't keep on buying different clothes for this job. They...

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My higher-ups are the executive assistant, the sales manager, the marketing manager and the IT manager... I think they all assumed the others would get me something but none of...

The gift incident escalates the situation.

Two weeks ago the executive assistant brought up the Christmas gift (she realized no one got my anything). She said that as a late Christmas gift, she wanted to get...

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She suggested just ordering stuff online, I told her Shein was cheap and had a lot of variety (please don't come at me for supporting shein... i know its terrible.)

I was fully expecting her to explain the kinds of clothing they were looking for and then I would be able to have some say so in like the color...

and colors and prints that I would never ever choose for myself.... floral blouses, bright orange, bright yellow... One of the tops came in a leopard print. I said "oh...

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But no... i had to get the white with blue flower print. She got me gold jewelry.. like I said, I wear silver, and shoes with heels, and the pointy...

The clothes came in... and I was upset. I felt like they just dont like my style. I wore one full outfit she got me and I just looked like...

Yesterday I wore a pair of boot cut jeans, a nice black long-sleeve shirt, the gold jewelry and a pair of heels that she got me. I honestly thought I...

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The jeans had no back pockets, but they were 100% denim. I was wearing heels, so I guess that like accentuated my legs. She told me that someone was saying...

The confrontation and upcoming meeting conclude the post.

I was having a rough day and I finally snapped a little. I said I felt like I was getting unfairly targeted about how I dress. I told her that...

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but the other women I work with continue to come in wearing leggings without their b__t covered, tops with cleavage, graphic t-shirts, sweat pants, tight jeans, jogger shorts.

I come in dressed in business casual even though the dress code is jean casual and there is still something wrong with my outfit almost everyday. I would understand it...

I also said I'm starting to feel uncomfortable that everyone has something to say about how I look, I am the youngest woman here and I feel like they think...

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I walked out because I was sick of being insulted about how I dressed and made to feel insecure. I have a meeting with her and the CEO tomorrow about...

EDIT: I posted an update, I'm not reddit savvy but I just made a new post on this sub.. hope that's the right way to do it.

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The woman’s issue centers on repeated dress code critiques despite compliance. She performs diverse duties in a casual office. Feedback targets her style selectively. This creates discomfort. Older colleagues enforce standards unevenly. Her youth may play a role.

Opposing views suggest jealousy from older women. Generational differences influence expectations. Some see it as resentment. The executive assistant might project personal biases. Male comments add harassment concerns.

Social context reveals dress codes often discriminate. Women face scrutiny over bodies. Young employees endure oversexualization. Policies should apply equally. Inconsistent enforcement signals bias. “Generally, dress codes should not single out female employees.” — Robin Shea (attorney), SHRM, 2019.

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Document instances of feedback. Request written dress code clarifications. Compare attire to others. Consult HR if available. Seek legal advice for discrimination. Consider job search for better fit.This situation forces us to reflect on workplace equity. Ultimately, the answer will depend on company response.

See what others had to share with OP:

Social media users shared diverse opinions on this post. Many empathized with the original poster. They saw clear signs of harassment. Advice ranged from confronting superiors to seeking new employment. Comments highlighted jealousy and bias. The community largely supported her stance. Discussions touched on gender dynamics. Overall, responses encouraged standing firm.

Many readers strongly sided with the original poster. They felt the situation was humiliating.

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Feeling-Object9383 − OP, to be honest, at the moment you came in the office mixing their purchased items with your supplemented by golden colour jewellery, I was totally pissed.

Jeans and top were in your description. Stick to it. With the next comment, bring it and show it to them. Tell that you exactly follow the agreement. Golden jewellery...

What is happening is humiliating. I would understand if you work in the front office of a luxury hotel. Then you wear a uniform. Just say politely but firm: "I...

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journeyboots − I’ve also been in this position… and yes, jealousy is totally at play with older women, and also different generational expectations that haven’t evolved. 3 thoughts:

1. You can’t be sure the EA is not blaming her own thoughts on other people…is there another person in the office you trust to give you their opinion on...

you’re seen as the “face” of the company, and leadership hold you to a different standard than someone who works “in the back”. At your meeting I would mention that...

but have to do all these things (like changing the soap) where more formal clothes aren’t feasible, & you are trying to find a balance that is appropriate for your...

Ashamed-Horror2467 − I have been in your shoes I 24F am the youngest person at my office. The older women would complain to my manager about my clothes. I would...

The women threw a fit so much so that my manager came to my desk and made me standup to look at my outfit infront of everyone. Meanwhile all the...

I finally asked one of our male attorneys about my outfits and he said that the women are jealous that they dont look like me and it makes them insecure....

fish1115 − Who exactly has been communicating these issues to you? To me it seems like the executive assistant has a problem with you and potentially some resentment. Who is...

ChocChipBananaMuffin − Sounds like harassment at this point. You have a meeting tomorrow, so you're not going to get a legal consult before then, but you should not commit to...

Tell them you are considering this a fact-finding meeting and bring a copy of the dress code you signed. Ask them to detail any instance where you were in violation...

[Reddit User] − I've been in a professional setting for 23 years now and I have no fuckin' idea how women are supposed to dress. I've been in environments where...

And older women that dress like s__t always seem to have some issue with some younger women that don't dress professionally by employee handbook standards, but dresses more professionally than...

Others pushed back with advice on handling the issue or leaving.

witchbrew7 − I had someone write an anonymous letter to me and leave it in my mailbox at work. I wore slacks. All the other women wore business suits like...

I was in IT, no customer visits ever. No executives ever visited either. Next job same thing. I wore slacks to work although I was a consultant at that time....

Fast forward I was in my 40s and there was a woman intern from college spending a year with us. One day she wore a baby t shirt with low...

I was very very uncomfortable with that. My manager pointed out she could sue me for harassment. I didn’t talk to her about her clothes but the VP’s admin did....

We became friends and I am in awe of her professional accomplishments to this day. Those women who had an issue with her attire since retired. If you continue to...

If you want to make waves before you go, compare your attire to the published dress code and point out what others wear. How many deviations from the code they...

therobshow − So you're being harassed, you're spending your own money on clothing to try an appease these people while getting no where, and you don't even get raises?

Why aren't you searching for a new job? It sounds like you're a hard worker. You could probably get a better environment, making more money, where you can be yourself.

Sandover5252 − You deserve a better job that is more fun with younger people around. Don’t let your youth go to waste! F__k them. — old lady

jenorama_CA − Girl, this is too much work for a job that didn’t even give you a gotdamn 50¢ raise. Also, why is a male coworker commenting on your clothing?...

They are so into what you’re wearing that they bought you clothes. Not a uniform, but regular-ass clothes and tried to couch it as a gift. This is harassment and...

Keep smiling, but start looking. In all of my working life, I’ve only worked one place that tried to push a dress code and this was at a crappy telemarketing...

I worked at Apple for 21 years and let me tell you—the dressing style ran the gamut. There was a guy that wore skirts with heavy metal band tee shirts...

beansonbeans4me − As a fellow young woman in a small office with an older demographic of coworkers, I hear you. My friend is a very tall, curvaceous woman who dresses...

Because of her very accentuated hourglass figure, she kept getting dinged at work for not wearing "appropriate clothes". It's disgusting how you will be oversexualized and deemed "inappropriate" just for...

I honestly don't have much advice, I feel like so many young women have dealt with this b__lshit. Please keep us updated, I am very curious to see how this...

Original_Jilliman − This is seriously concerning. My first thought is gender discrimination. If they had a man doing your job, would they police what he was wearing?

A lot of the comments seem to focus on “appropriate attire” which also leads me to wonder if there’s s__ual harassment going on with male coworkers making comments about you...

There may also be jealousy involved with the older women you work with. This is a small business so I’d worry about HR doing the right thing. Have you considered...

It may sound extreme but I’m incredibly concerned because gender discrimination and s__ual harassment can be a big problem in the workplace, especially for younger people who may not realize...

Zombiewings2015 − Honestly make a list of each instance you can remember with as much detail as possible including who said what and who was around. Include any directions, or...

Include they have had someone literally try to dress you as a doll to change your wardrobe. Don’t expect too much of a good response but don’t let them push...

They need to understand anymore harassment will not be tolerated. Because it has escalated to harassment. Maybe not by the company or every single person there but by some and...

mikuzgrl − At this point I would play dumb and email the EA to ask for a dress code in writing because you obviously do not understand expectations. Copy at...

I suspect that no one else has an issue with how you dress and this is nothing more than a power play on the part of the EA. ETA: after...

IndependentEarth123 − Unfortunately, quite a few people think it's appropriate to police women's bodies and that extends to clothing. Especially for young women or women deemed attractive. If coworkers are...

That's their behavior/thoughts--not your responsibility in any way. If you feel comfortable in your meeting you, can phrase your comments to this point. "I want to comply with the dress...

Could you explain to me how these comments/criticisms align with the company dress code and with the company's s__ual harassment policy? Could you tell me why wearing silver jewelry is...

Could you tell me how it's appropriate for coworkers to comment on my buttocks when I wear jeans without back pockets? This makes me very uncomfortable to know my coworkers...

Could you show me how their behavior complies with the company's s__ual harassment policy? " I'm a middle-aged lady now, but I had my run ins with management when I...

I'm curvy and people would talk to me about the cut of my shirts and slacks. Unless I wore a baggy dress you were going to notice that I had...

I literally wore the same blouse as my department chair and was told I looked inappropriate while she sat there wearing the same thing. I used the strategy described above...

This tale teaches a key lesson about workplace boundaries. Personal style should not overshadow job performance. Selective enforcement reveals deeper biases. Employees deserve clear policies. Harassment often hides in vague critiques. Young workers face unique pressures. Standing up requires courage. Finding supportive environments matters. What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below.

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