My husband’s [M32] “sabbatical” has become pathetic and I [F30] want it to end right now.

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In a cozy home, where mortgage bills loom, a 30-year-old woman’s patience frays. Her husband, once a steady earner, quit his job impulsively, promising a brief “re-calibration.” Eight months later, he’s jobless, smoking weed, chasing Instagram fame, and leaning on her income to cover their bills. Her support has turned to resentment as his promises of business ventures fizzle.

This isn’t just about a stalled career; it’s a raw clash of partnership and unmet expectations. Readers will feel her frustration, rooting for her to reclaim balance in their marriage while wondering if her husband’s tears of “depression” signal hope or deflection.

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‘My husband’s [M32] “sabbatical” has become pathetic and I [F30] want it to end right now.’

We're both early 30s, married, no kids. We own a house together (mortgage).. ​My husband worked for the same company for almost a decade. He earned a good salary, but the last few years were rough on him thanks to his overbearing boss. He discussed quitting every so often, and I was open to the idea as long as he had another job lined up..

Well last year, he quit spur-of-the-moment over a seemingly minor dispute at work. He would later call it 'the straw that broke the camels back'. No other jobs lined up, nothing. He assured me that he had savings he could live on and that he wanted to take some time to 're-calibrate'.

He also 'had a few business ideas' he wanted to pursue before getting back into the workforce. Trying to be a supportive partner, I said okay.... ​Fast forward to today -- he has no income and literally hasn't sent out a single job application. He hasn't even updated his resume.

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What has he been doing these passed 8 months, you ask? Smoking weed, a bunch of scammy 'work-from-home' b**lshit that hasn't made him a dime, and most recently, trying to become an 'Instagram Influencer'. Yes, seriously.. ​To be fair, he has also done some handy-work around the house and fixed up some things.

But for the most part, he spends his days smoking weed and dicking around on Instagram, and I'm effectively subsidizing it -- we used to split bills 50/50, now it's more like 80/20.. ​The last time I tried to have a serious talk about his future plans, he 'jokingly' said I could divorce him and pay him alimony if I didn't like the current situation.

Then he broke down and wept, saying that he might be depressed. I felt horrible for him and offered him my full support, but in retrospect, I'm curious if it was just a convenient excuse to pivot the conversation and get me off his back.. ​. What would you do in my shoes? I have grown resentful of him and this whole situation.

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The OP’s dropped an update on the saga—curious? Click here to check it out!

Eight months into a so-called sabbatical, this husband’s shift from a reliable partner to a jobless, weed-smoking aspiring influencer has left his wife bearing the financial and emotional load. Her resentment is understandable—his failure to apply for jobs or pursue viable plans betrays their 50/50 partnership, now skewed to 80/20. His mention of depression, while serious, risks being a convenient pivot if not paired with action.

This reflects a broader issue: prolonged unemployment can strain marriages, especially when one partner disengages. A 2023 study in the Journal of Family Psychology found that financial imbalances and lack of proactive behavior in one spouse significantly increase marital conflict. His tears suggest distress, but his inaction—focusing on Instagram over resumes—undermines trust.

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Psychologist Dr. John Gottman, a relationship expert, emphasizes, “Partnership thrives on shared effort and accountability.” To move forward, she could set firm boundaries, saying, “I need you to see a doctor for depression and apply for jobs by [date], or we’ll need to reassess our finances.” Supporting his mental health is key, but she shouldn’t enable inertia. A therapist could help him address depression, while a career coach might jumpstart his job search.

She should also protect her well-being—individual therapy can help manage resentment and clarify her limits. If he refuses help, consulting a financial advisor or lawyer to secure her assets is wise, especially with a mortgage at stake.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit didn’t hold back, offering sharp advice and empathy—here’s the community’s take:

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Pixelle92 − If he thinks he has depression then he needs to see a doctor and get help. It only gets harder alone, I'd see how that goes first, because it might get him back to his feet. If he declines that and won't change, you can't change him.

YouKnowYourCrazy − I heard an interview with Ina Garten recently (the chef) and she had a similar period in her life: quit her job, was hanging around the house all day. She said her AHA moment was when her husband came home and said to her: You are a brilliant person and you can literally be anything you want to be. I'm sure this is not what you want to be, is it?.

She said after that they talked and she figured out that she wanted to be a chef. Sounds like he is depressed, but he needs to do something to fix that if it's the case. Don't let him say 'no' to doctors or getting better. If he had a broken arm, or a fever, you would get that fixed, right? Depression is an illness. It can be treated.

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Wittyandpithy − In your shoes I would:. * get him to undertake a specific plan for job applications;. * apply for at least 5 jobs a day, and prove to you that he does so;. * alternatively, immediately enroll into relevant further education; or. * leave

Cranky_Monkey − How do people that are married and have a mortgage together have this much separation in their financial affairs?. ' He assured me that he had savings he could live on...' I literally don't understand this. He's your roommate, not your partner. Either pay your roommates share of the mortgage or kick him out.

To do that you'll need to take over or sell the house, split proceeds and go your own way.. Or get your butts to counseling and break whatever logjam he's in. You can also assure him that permanent, supportive alimony, especially of folks that are able to work (especially if he was formerly able to make as much or more than you) are actually getting quite rare these days.

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NDaveT − Stop giving him money for weed, for one thing.

dotsisu − My SIL and BIL are going through this and are currently on almost 2 year of him being unemployed.. ​He hated his job, was laid off and chose to not go back when called back in 3 weeks later. He sits around at home smoking and was drinking back then and did nothing else. His EI ran out after a year, he did some odd jobs here and there, barely enough to afford his own weed.

She asked him about how his job hunt is going, he'd throw out a spew about how he's been feeling down and depressed, refuses to get any kind of help. Fast forward to 1.5 years later, he got a job out of his field, went for 3 weeks, hated it and quit. Now she's working 2 jobs and he's at home 'looking for work' again..

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She's becoming emotionally exhausted trying to support him when he refuses to support himself. She's thrown out ultimatums and all but nothing has helped. Please don't allow yourself to get to this point because it's depressing! If he wont see a therapist, you should go see one so you don't lose your mind.. ​

Sometimes boredom and feeling lost in life makes people feel down which a lot of people see as depression. He went from a 50/50 partner to a 80/20 partner and it sounds like he's getting comfortable with this idea even though deep down it's making him feel bummed out. The only person you can help is you, go talk to someone and gather a plan.

In my SIL's case, she was told to distance herself from him so that it doesn't bring her down. Resentment is a difficult thing to come back from, but asking him about his job prospect and him feeling like you're just nagging and throwing the word 'depression' around to avoid the conversation is not healthy for you because it'll just lead to constant disappointment.. He's not taking your concerns seriously, so talk to someone who will and make a plan.

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TaaviBap − Talk to a divorce lawyer to set up a case where you wouldn't have to pay him anything. Smoking weed all day and not working is pathetic.

33saywhat33 − Start with a physical with bloodwork! Discuss depression at same visit. Attend with him.. Then maybe set an appt for a career coach to help with resume, etc.. Meaning, he needs help and you can only do so much.. And Bill's go back to 50-50 at month 12 so he needs to get on it.. You're a good wife!

throwitupthrowitup12 − Living off of savings is a horrible idea at this age. Let him know how this is all effecting you personally as well as in your relationship. All for a commitment to starting for a job and making a plan to treat his depression.

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He should know that a therapist can help him learn coping skills for his depression. He can also speak to a doctor about short term medication which might be helpful in kick starting his brain to get him motivated to turn things around.

melonsparks − Go nuclear:. Quit your job.

These bold takes stir the pot, but do they chart the course ahead? Reddit’s passion fuels debate, yet her path needs a steady hand.

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This woman’s fraying patience reveals the cost of a partnership out of balance. Her husband’s sabbatical, now a burden, tests their love and her resolve. Readers, have you faced a partner’s prolonged disengagement? How did you restore balance—or move on? Share your stories below—let’s guide her through this crossroads!

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