My Husband (27M) Hurt Me with Words About My Pregnancy – Is It Wrong to Struggle with Forgiveness?

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In the bustling hum of a workplace, where coffee cups clink and deadlines loom, a single sentence can shatter the air like glass. For one 27-year-old woman, her husband’s words during a heated argument—“Do you think I wanted this?”—pointed at her pregnant belly, left a wound that still stings a year later. The unplanned pregnancy, now a joyful 6-month-old, was a choice they embraced together, yet his moment of raw honesty lingers in her heart, casting shadows over their otherwise happy marriage.

The sting of feeling unwanted, coupled with the embarrassment of being left at work without a ride, has fueled her struggle to forgive. His apologies were heartfelt, his efforts to make amends sincere, but her resentment festers. As he suggests therapy, she wonders if her pain is being dismissed—or if she’s holding onto a grudge too tightly. This story dives into the messy, human side of love, forgiveness, and moving forward.

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‘My Husband (27M) Hurt Me with Words About My Pregnancy – Is It Wrong to Struggle with Forgiveness?’

My husband I work together and are parents to a happy 6 month old baby. We’ve been together for 7 years now. Close to a year ago at work, we had a mild argument, I can't even remember what it was about. But at one point in the argument he said, 'Do you think I wanted this?' And gestured towards my stomach. I was gutted.

The pregnancy had been unplanned. In that moment I felt so alone and unwanted, me and the baby. I just walked away because I didn't want to say anything hurtful back. Yes, he didn’t want the baby at the moment and I remember telling him I want this baby, but we’ve come to be happy with our decision now. Later I went to talk to him and couldn't find him.

I asked around if anybody had seen him. He had left work. Left me there with no ride home. The people at work could tell that I didn't know he left. It was embarrassing. I called him and he was apologetic and came at the end of the shift to pick me up. I remember telling him how I feel and demanding an apology from him about this.

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However despite what he says, I can’t let this go. I feel almost resentful of him. He’s a great partner otherwise and I’m confident this doesn’t have anything to do with anything postpartum. I am a well-adjusted parent and happy and thriving in other areas of life. I would request anyone refrain from talking about PPD because I don’t find those casual diagnoses helpful.

This is between me and my husband. Few days ago, I brought up how what he said still hurts me and he says he has done enough and apologised enough and made it up to me (which he has) but it’s upto me to find forgiveness for him in my heart and he would prefer not to feel guilty anymore.

He just acts unbothered and that bothers me. It almost feels like he doesn’t want to do anything or care about earning my love and emotional safety anymore. It’s like he has given up entirely now after doing intense work initially to earn my forgiveness.

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He later told me I might benefit from individual therapy to process my feelings and find a way to move forward. Although it is helpful advice, it felt pretty dismissive and disrespectful. It almost felt like he was telling me that my feelings were a “me problem” that needed to be fixed and that has nothing to do with him.

Words spoken in the heat of an argument can leave scars that outlast apologies. This couple’s story highlights the challenge of rebuilding trust when emotional wounds run deep. The wife’s lingering pain and the husband’s suggestion of therapy reveal a classic tension: one partner seeks closure, while the other feels they’ve done enough. Both perspectives are valid, but the path forward requires mutual effort.

The wife’s resentment stems from feeling dismissed, both by the original comment and her husband’s recent stance. Meanwhile, his frustration reflects exhaustion from repeated apologies. Dr. John Gottman, a renowned relationship expert, notes, “Repair attempts are the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples” (The Gottman Institute). His research shows that successful repairs require both partners to acknowledge their roles. Here, the husband’s initial efforts were a step, but the wife needs more validation of her hurt.

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This situation touches on a broader issue: how couples navigate unplanned life changes, like parenthood. A 2021 study from the Journal of Family Psychology found that 30% of couples face significant strain during the transition to parenthood, often due to unmet emotional needs (APA PsycNet). The wife’s pain reflects a need for reassurance that her husband fully embraces their family, while his therapy suggestion, though practical, may feel like he’s sidestepping her emotions.

Dr. Gottman’s advice emphasizes “turning toward” each other’s bids for connection. The couple could benefit from open dialogue, perhaps in couples’ therapy, to explore underlying fears—like her worry that he still resents the baby, or his guilt over his words. For now, the wife might consider individual therapy to process her feelings, while inviting her husband to join sessions later to rebuild trust together.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

The Reddit community didn’t hold back, offering a mix of tough love and empathy that’s as spicy as a late-night taco run. Here’s what they had to say:

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ErnestBatchelder − he says he has done enough and apologised enough and made it up to me (which he has. If you acknowledge that he has done the necessary work to take responsibility for his actions but you still can't move on, then he is correct that this has to do with you. Unless there are more factors happening in your relationship that bother you.

Maybe some are things you can't yet articulate. Maybe this is you stuck on forgiving a truly one-off bad mistake. We can't tell you that. I'd ask him if you did individual therapy and at some point the therapist asked him to join in a session is he open to that? That way, if in therapy you learn this inability to move on really is about more happening in your relationship than that one incident, there's a path to address it.

destiny_kane48 − Take your husband's advice and get therapy.

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crimsongizzarder − What more do you want from him - not just on this incident, but in your relationship?

AgonistPhD − This is going to be unpopular, but he *didn't* want to be a parent at that time. He just didn't, but you did, and he has since made the best of the situation and probably found something to enjoy about it. You're wrong to make him apologize over and over for not wanting what you wanted, not pretending at every single moment that he wanted what you wanted, especially when you ultimately got your way anyway. Cut that s**t out.

EntertainingTuesday − Your story leaves a lot of room for assumption on our end as readers. You had an argument and something hurtful was said, at the same time, the hurtful thing was also him sharing his bottled up concerns/emotions, it doesn't seem like it was an attack on you, more so the stressful situation of an unplanned pregnancy.

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After this, he drove off, I take note of the fact he apologized and came back, it is unclear if he ever intended to not come back.  He just acts unbothered and that bothers me. It almost feels like he doesn’t want to do anything or care about earning my love and emotional safety anymore. It’s like he has given up entirely now after doing intense work initially to earn my forgiveness.

I can guarantee he is not unbothered. He is very bothered. Something you should realize is he is tired of the guilt you are making him feel at this point. That tiredness of guilt will, is, or already has made your husband hold resentment against you. I call it reverse resentment, when someone does something like your husband did, they work to make it right, as you said your husband has done, but you continue to hold it against them.

At some point, your husband is going to start resenting you. How can you feel he acts unbothered when you also said he put in the work afterwards and you specifically say he has made it up to you? I am totally with him, it is on you to move on and to forgive, he can't forgive himself on your behalf. I think the distinguishing factor here is that your husband did put in the work to make it right.

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If he never did then you'd be totally reasonable in still holding this frustration/anger/resentment against him. The thing is, he has put in the work. You say he is a great partner, you say he he made it up to you. You still bring it up though, that is why he is shifting it now to saying it is a you problem, an in my opinion it is a you problem.

I wouldn't be surprised if this is causing him to have resentment towards you. This isn't meant to be victim blaming, this is the reality I see when I read your story, and I genuinely hope this different perspective helps you understand your husband and move on.

LittleFairyOfDeath − So he said something during an argument that was based on his own feelings at the time. And since then he has made it up to you (your own words) and has apologized more than enough and yet you still want him to crawl and beg? He is right. He did everything needed. Now its up to you to get therapy to deal with your resentment. Because honestly? You blew it out of proportion in the first place

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Tacos-and-zonkeys − Individual therapy isn't a negative thing and suggesting it isn't a slight.. He said something that hurt you, but it was also true in the moment.. You two had an unplanned pregnancy and he, at that point, didn't want to be a parent.. You did. He had no say in the matter, which makes sense and is fair, but that doesn't change the fact that he didn't want to be a parent..

Your husband has his own emotional life.. While you saw this as a happy accident, he felt differently.. Further, you had agency over how this would play out and he didn't.. What he said was fucked up and hurtful, but it didn't happen in a vacuum.. He didn't say this because he is a monster and an unredeemable person.

He said this because he is a flawed human being (just like the rest of us) and his feelings on the situation were being both disregarded and painted as unimportant.. He knew the score and was trying to be supportive even though he didn't want this. He was bottling up his feelings and trying to do the right thing, but that doesn't mean he wasn't experiencing these feelings..

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Again, he said something fucked up but he is a human being that is going to f**k up. He has apologized, and more importantly, he has become a fully invested parent. He has also become a better partner.. He has done all he can do.. He can't go back in time and take back what he said. It isn't fair to keep bringing it back up.

He has acknowledged his mistake, apologized for it, and has been a good parent and partner.. What do you get out of still punishing him for it at this point?. I think individual therapy might help you work through this because there is nothing more that he can do.. Good luck

Technical-Onion-421 − Was it a mutual decision to keep the baby? If not, him saying he didn't want the pregnancy was just a fact. Why are you still bothered by something said in an argument a year ago? He's right that this is a you problem.

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Predd1tor − This IS a you problem. He didn’t want a baby, and your pregnancy was unplanned. You already knew that. Yet you insisted on keeping it. He stuck around and made the best of it, despite not wanting it. And you’re mad at him for being honest about his feelings?

Then to top it off, you’re still punishing him for it a year later, even after you acknowledge he did “intense work” to earn your forgiveness. He’s right to want to move on with his life and not be expected to keep groveling over something you frankly overreacted to in the first place. He’s right — it’s on you now to figure out how to forgive and let this s**t go.

And you DO need therapy. Maybe on some level, *you* feel guilty for trapping him with a baby he didn’t want, and are worried deep down he still doesn’t want it, thus are looking for perpetual apologies and reassurance that he didn’t mean what he said. But he DID mean it, at least in the moment he said it.

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And it’s okay that he felt that way. You’re allowed to be hurt by it, too, but it’s been a year and he’s stepped up to be a father. Cut the man some slack. How long do you expect it to be okay to continue punishing your partner for an honest statement made in anger a year ago??. You got what you wanted. Stop punishing him for not wanting it, too.

mydoghiskid − You knew the pregnancy was unplanned, so how is it hurtful to know it was unwanted?

These hot takes range from urging the wife to let go to questioning if deeper issues lurk beneath. But do these opinions mirror real-world complexities, or are they just armchair quarterbacking? One thing’s clear: forgiveness is personal, and Reddit’s chorus adds fuel to the debate.

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This couple’s journey reminds us that love is a dance of missteps and recoveries, where forgiveness often takes time and grace. The wife’s pain is real, but so is her husband’s effort to move forward. As they navigate this emotional tangle, their story invites us to reflect on our own relationships. How do we let go of hurt without dismissing our feelings? What would you do if a loved one’s words cut deep, but their actions showed remorse? Share your thoughts and experiences—let’s keep the conversation going.

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