My fiancé 32M wasn’t there for me when I thought I was having an emergency 30F. How would this make you guys feel?

Jonathan Hours
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At 1 AM, a woman stood trembling in her bathroom, her skin erupting in angry hives, her mind racing with fear. As a medical provider, she knew this could be serious, but when she turned to her fiancé of three years for help, his response was a cold, “I can’t drive you.” Stunned, she drove herself to the ER, the sting of his refusal sharper than the hives. That lonely mile to the hospital felt like a lifetime, unraveling the trust she thought they shared.

Now, with his apologies piling up, she’s left wondering if this was a one-off or a glimpse into a future where she’s on her own in a crisis. Her story, shared on Reddit, pulls us into the raw tension of love tested by a moment of need. How do you rebuild trust when the person you’re set to marry leaves you to face the ER alone?

‘My fiancé 32M wasn’t there for me when I thought I was having an emergency 30F. How would this make you guys feel?’

My fiancé 32M and I 30F have been together for 3 years. Last night I broke out in hives from head to toe at 1AM (this has never happened before). I am a medical provider and stood in the bathroom considering whether this would be life threatening and if I should seek medical attention before waking my partner up.

I decided since this has never happened I should go to the ER and wake up my partner. His response to me was, “you know I can’t drive you.” I asked him several times and each time he told me he couldn’t and that I should bring myself. All because he has a big exam on Monday and I suppose the idea of dropping me off at the hospital a mile away was just not in his plans.

I ended up driving myself… and once I got in the car he then starts to call me apologizing and checking in. I am someone who is very empathetic and nurturing and always there for him. I am appalled my partner wasn’t there for me in a time of need and I feel this is a really telling moment about his character. Today… he is super apologetic and knows he was wrong.

He’s apologized several times and has acknowledged that he should’ve been there for me and how lonely I must have felt. He said it felt like a bad dream and he knows he should’ve sprang into action.. However, if this was a serious medical emergency I now see how little support he is.. I need advice…. How would you guys feel about this if you were in my shoes?

A medical emergency at 1 AM is a test no couple wants to face, but for this woman, her fiancé’s refusal to help revealed a crack in their bond. His excuse—a Monday exam—feels flimsy against her urgent need, leaving her to question his priorities. While his apologies show remorse, they don’t erase the loneliness of that drive to the ER. This clash pits her nurturing nature against his self-focused response.

This situation reflects a broader issue: reliability in relationships. A 2021 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that perceived partner support during stress significantly predicts relationship satisfaction (Source). Here, the fiancé’s inaction suggests a gap in emotional support, especially critical in health crises.

Dr. Susan Whitbourne, a psychology professor, states, “In healthy relationships, partners act as co-regulators, helping each other manage stress” (Source). For our Redditor, her fiancé’s absence failed this role, amplifying her distress. His later apologies suggest awareness, but trust hinges on action, not words.

Advice: Have an honest talk about why he froze—fear, stress, or selfishness? If he’s open, couples counseling could rebuild trust, focusing on mutual support. Reflect on past moments: does he consistently show up for you? If not, weigh if this pattern fits your future. Logistically, keep a plan for emergencies, like a friend’s contact or rideshare app.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Reddit jumped in with a mix of outrage and empathy, like friends huddled over coffee spilling their unfiltered thoughts. Here’s what the community had to say, raw and real.

whatsmypassword73 − Pay attention because he showed you who he is. Life is unpredictable and several close friends have had catastrophic/life changing diagnoses. If you marry the right person you will have a partner that will do anything for you.. Selfish people make lousy partners.

Which_Atmosphere_685 − My throat started to close in the middle of the night because of an allergic reaction. I took the ambulance and had no way home at 4am. I sent a text to my friend asking her to pick me up. My phone died before she could respond so I had no way to get home.

When I was discharged she was waiting in the lobby for me. She came even though I sent one text at 4am. I’m glad she was awake. I’m so grateful she came and showed up for me. Your partner should be doing all of the above and beyond.

peakpenguins − Twice in our marriage my husband has gotten out of bed to drive me to the ER despite having work in a few hours. I'd feel pretty bummed in your shoes too. I don't really get why an exam on *Monday* would prevent him from taking you to the ER on what I assume is a Friday night/Saturday morning?

Solid_Chemist_3485 − Inexcusable. People are bending over backwards to pretend he was more asleep than he was. OP woke him up more than once. . I could never trust him again. . This guy isn’t parent or partner material.  I bet what he likes about OP is her competence, which has fully let him off the hook until now. 

FickleRevolutionary − When I was dating my ex, I had an emergency about 2 years into our relationship and while I was driving myself to the ER, and after I’d called my best friend to meet me there I realized that I hadn’t even considered calling him. He had a history of not picking up the phone or not showing up when it was important. That was my “ah ha” moment. We broke up less than a year later.. Also, I was a medic at the time and my partner was in med school.

greenbastardette − I wouldn’t feel great about it. It would definitely cause me to reflect on how he’d treated me at other times when I’d needed him. Even in times that aren’t quite so intense as a medical emergency, does he show up for you? Or do you find you mostly need to rely on yourself because he can’t be bothered for one reason or another? It’s the patterns of behavior that are crucial to keep an eye on / take into consideration when evaluating the relationship.

ChickenScratchCoffee − Not only did he not take you, once he realized his mistake, he didn’t even go drive the mile to the hospital to show that yes he does actually care and want to support you. A text message apology is nothing.

If he did the action of going up there, that would be a person who recognized their mistake and took action to fix it. He didn’t do that. What you learned is that you can’t count on him and you aren’t a priority. Those are two big things and you should think about continuing this relationship.

paper_wavements − I would feel...like ending things. I can tell you're a caring person, OP. Think really hard about whether this is the first time he's put his wants ahead of your *needs*. Ask yourself if you're often putting yourself last in relationships (even platonic). Consider therapy or even CoDA meetings to address this if need be.

arrec − I'm curious about his comment that it felt like a bad dream. That sounds to me as if he isn't really taking responsibility, because a dream is something that happens to you. Has he offered no explanation of any kind for why he refused to drive you?

Once-and-Future − He can't drive you 1 AM on Saturday because of an exam on Monday? Either he never really woke up before you left and his subconscious anxiety over the exam was speaking, or he's a failure as a human.. You know him best, which do you think it was?

These Reddit takes swing from “dump him” to “look at the patterns,” but do they nail the full story? Is his apology enough, or is this a red flag too big to ignore?

This midnight ER dash left our Redditor questioning not just her fiancé’s love but their entire future. His apologies might soothe the sting, but they don’t erase the memory of driving alone, hives blazing. Her story asks us what it means to be a true partner when life throws a curveball. Would you forgive a moment of weakness or see it as a dealbreaker? Share your thoughts—have you ever felt let down in a crisis, and how did you move forward?

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