My daughter F25 boyfriend M26 is going to propose. She isn’t going to like the ring. How do I tell him?

Picture a jewelry store’s dazzling glow, where a 26-year-old man clutches a velvet box, beaming with pride over a sparkling diamond ring. He’s ready to propose to his girlfriend, but there’s a hitch: her parent knows she loathes traditional designs. Despite their advice and photos of her preferred minimalist styles, he’s gone full-on classic, likely swayed by a slick jeweler’s pitch. Now, the parent’s heart sinks, picturing their daughter’s dismay on her big moment.

This isn’t just about a ring—it’s about listening, understanding, and the weight of a lifelong symbol. The parent, torn between sparing the boyfriend’s feelings and ensuring their daughter’s joy, wonders if they should speak up. As the proposal looms, their dilemma captures the delicate dance of love and good intentions. Let’s dive into this sparkling saga and explore how to handle a potential proposal misstep.

‘My daughter F25 boyfriend M26 is going to propose. She isn’t going to like the ring. How do I tell him?’

My daughter’s boyfriend asked my opinion on the ring he should get in order to propose to her. He knows she doesn’t like traditional engagement rings. I sent him photos of some rings and also explained to him why I think she would prefer that style of ring.

He did the exact opposite and got her a traditional diamond (which she doesn’t like) with a lot of design details she isn’t going to like even though I don’t think she would ever tell him. I really feel like he may have been upsold in the jewelry store. Should I tell him she isn’t going to like it at all?

Choosing an engagement ring is like picking the perfect playlist for a road trip—it’s gotta vibe with the one you love. This boyfriend’s diamond dazzler, though well-intentioned, ignores his girlfriend’s taste, risking a sour note at the proposal. Dr. Gary Chapman, relationship expert, notes, “Love means understanding your partner’s preferences, not imposing your own” (The 5 Love Languages). His choice, possibly driven by a jeweler’s upselling, misses that mark.

The parent’s insight into their daughter’s minimalist style shows deep care, but the boyfriend’s dismissal—favoring a “rule of thumb” for pricier rings—suggests he prioritizes optics over her wishes. This could dent her trust, especially if she learns her parent’s advice was ignored. The jeweler’s “upgrade” pitch further muddies his intent, framing her taste as inadequate.

This ties to a broader issue: miscommunication in proposals. A 2023 survey by The Knot found 68% of engaged couples prioritize mutual ring selection to avoid disappointment (The Knot). Dr. Chapman suggests, “Open dialogue about preferences strengthens bonds.” The parent’s hesitation reflects fear of overstepping, but their knowledge could save the moment.

For solutions, they should gently approach the boyfriend, framing it as wanting the proposal to shine for their daughter. Offering to join him at the store to exchange the ring for her style shows support, not criticism. If he resists, suggesting he discuss it with her directly could align the choice with her heart. This nudge could turn a misstep into a win.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

The Reddit posse rolled in like wedding crashers with wisdom, serving up advice with a dash of wit. They rallied around the parent’s concern, dishing out takes on the boyfriend’s ring fumble. Here’s the glittering scoop:

A_Single_Man_ − As a diamond expert, I would sit him down and explain that she will have to wear this ring for life and doesn’t he want to get that right? Find out what his motivations are. You may find out that he went about this in a lazy fashion because he likes the ring and wants to see it on her. Many men have this affliction.

Remind him that this is an eternal gift for her and really isn’t about what he likes as much as what she would want and you just want him to get it right, because you love him like a son and can’t wait to welcome him into the family. Don’t be reactive, but be inquisitive. It’s all about the “why”.. How does that sound?

SwordTaster − S**t like this right here is why my fiancé and I picked out my ring together. I wanted white gold with an onyx and a simple design. Sent him to look and show me what ideas he came up with. Every single thing was gaudy and not my style. He did find onyx and white gold, but nothing simple. I looked with him and found something nice within 5 minutes.

Jen5872 − 'Wow, that's quite the opposite of what we talked about.' If asks if you think she'll like it, tell him no and why.

NorthernLitUp − I think you definitely need to tell him. Offer to accompany him back to the jewelry store to possibly return or exchange it for something else she will like. My son in law was totally lost when it came to ring shopping and I offered to go with him and he was so grateful. My daughter loves her ring.

buyhighsell_low22 − You’ve said it perfectly yourself. You unfortunately are gonna have to tell him how it is that she isn’t gonna love it.

Opening_Track_1227 − He asked your opinion on the ring so tell him

ConsciouslyIncomplet − Just saw the update - he got rinsed by the store. Not a great start. Why would she want to ‘upgrade’ the diamond? Either that he knows he’s bought wrong or he thinks she is not going to like it, so is going to want to change it?. I suppose the silver lining is that she can change it for an emerald?. Shame he doesn’t listen?

[Reddit User] − For the guys here who are just simply not accepting why this is a problem; my partner just described it like this.. He said 'For the last 5 years your wife keeps telling you that she wants a Porsche. You get your money together and you go to the dealership and you say 'my wife has been wanting a Porsche the last 5 years, can I see them?'

And the salesman says 'No buddy you've got it all wrong. You see she THINKS she wants a Porsche but that's not what wives want. See, what wives want is a Ford Fusion.' And instead of declining because it's not what she asked for and you know that, you go 'You know what salesman, you're right.

What does my wife know? She DOES actually want a Ford Fusion! Thanks!' Do you really expect her to not be disappointed with the Ford Fusion when you promised her up and down you'd get her her dream car, which was a Porsche?' And THAT is what yall are missing. You're supposed to have this for a LONG time; much like a car. It should be what you asked for.

allislost77 − Now so he can return it. Go with him.

MightyMaki − Ooof, reading the update is a little heartbreaking. he said that the examples I sent were too inexpensive and that the rule of thumb was to spend more. He said the person in the store also told him he could easily upgrade the diamond because of the setting. He loves that idea.

I'm like your daughter (so thankful my husband listened 😅) in that I don't like traditional or even diamond engagement rings. If my husband had done what your STB-SIL is about to do, I would actually and genuinely be upset. Even more so if I learned one of my parents talked to him previously, showed rings they knew I would like/want, only to have it promptly ignored because it 'was too inexpensive'.

There is no rule of thumb (even if people like to say there is) for how expensive an engagement ring should be. She's going to be upset even more so when she learns he chose that ring because it was more expensive and the jeweler upsold him on 'upgrading' to a diamond.

Redditors urged the parent to speak up, stressing the ring’s lifelong significance and the boyfriend’s likely lapse in judgment. Some chuckled at his pricey pick, blaming pushy jewelers, while others shared tales of ring-shopping gone right. Their chorus of support highlights a truth: love shines brightest when it listens, and this parent’s poised to help.

This parent’s tale is a sparkling reminder that love’s grand gestures need a listener’s heart. The boyfriend’s traditional ring, though shiny, misses their daughter’s unique style, threatening to dim her proposal joy. By nudging him toward her taste, the parent can steer this moment to brilliance. Have you ever faced a well-meaning gift that missed the mark? How did you set it right? Share your stories below to keep this heartfelt chat going.

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